Shenanigans From Around the World

Dear Readers! Here’s some shenanigans from around the world gleaned from various places around the Internet®algore.  These true news items have been either slightly altered, drastically changed or completely and utterly falsified to make it more fun.

It's a lion!  We're not lyin'!
What? No, that’s a lion alright.  Trust us.

The World’s Lamest Zoo

When the lion at the Henan Province Zoo in China was sent away to a breeding center, zoo keepers got a great idea!

They took a Tibetan Mastiff, owned by one of the workers, fluffed up his fur with massive amounts of hair gel — then blew it dry with China’s only un-exported, hand-held hairdryer.

All that was left to do was  slap a sign on its cage that said “Africa Lion” and open the zoo up for business as usual.

As luck would have it, shortly thereafter, a conscientious mother of one visited the zoo with her son for the express purpose of teaching him what sounds animals make.

When the lion started barking, the mother was almost as outraged as the little boy was confused.  When the mother complained, the zoo keepers said they had to pass the dog off as an African Lion for “safety concerns.”

Either way, they will all be executed at dawn.

green bunny
Move over, Kermit!

Glow in the Dark Bunnies

Bored with pulling the wings off flies and tying tin cans to the tails of cats, a group of scientists led by Dr. Stefan ‘Lenny’ Moisyadi, a biogenesis researcher based in Turkey, decided to clone a colony of rabbits that glow bright green in the dark.

“And on top of it, their fur is beginning to grow and the greenness is shining right there in the fur, it’s so intense!” Moisyadi is actually quoted as saying.

By making rabbits that glow green in the dark, Dr. Moisyadi is attempting to advance medical research to develop treatments for life-threatening illnesses such as Shimmering Measles, Tuber-I-see-you-culosis and Kermit the Frog’s Disease.

Dr. Moisyadi stressed that the rabbits are not affected by the fluorescent protein and will have the same life span as other rabbits.

“Being fluorescent at night, during prime hunting hours, has nothing whatsoever to do with the length of their lifespan,” Dr. Moisyadi didn’t go on to say as he was too busy pinching puppies.

Raisin their voices to priase God.
Raisin their voices for praisin’ the Lord!

Is that you God? It’s me, Fresno

People in the town of Fresno, California have started to gather around a Crepe Myrtle tree after sharp-eyed parishioner, Maria Ybarra, first reported drops of liquid falling from it and naturally assumed it to be God manifesting himself in Fresno.  As news of this miracle spread, many people began gathering around the tree to pray.

Fresno arborist, Jon ‘Get Real’ Reelhorn, however, believes the explanation for the drops falling from the tree is tree lice excrement.

A rabbi, a priest and a minister have been called in to determine if God is manifesting himself in Fresno in the Crepe Myrtle tree in the form of tree lice excrement.

Oh Golly Jeepers! This dumb thing . . . what did I do wrong now?"
Oh Golly Jeepers! This dumb thing . . . what did I do wrong now?”

Texting and Driving While Asleep

Concerned friends of a New Zealand woman notified the authorities when the woman kept turning up at their houses, sound asleep, after having driven hundreds of miles to their homes — all the while sending them incoherent text messages along the way.

“While her being found safe and well is a relief for everyone involved, the potential for tragedy was huge.” Senior Sergeant Dave Litton said.

Police are looking into whether the woman was really asleep by trying to determine if the incoherent text messages were due to slumber —  or if they were simply the result of her being an over-age-55 texter.  They don’t expect the case to be solved any time soon.

And there you have it, Dear Readers, Shenanigans from Around the

Until next time . . . I love you

19 thoughts on “Shenanigans From Around the World

  1. I’m pretty sure the scientists from “what the scienists have been up to” are going to be jealous of these shenannigans.

    So a Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi all walk into a tree- Oh, you’ve heard that one?

    • I have a feeling these upstart shenanniganians are going to have a rumble when the scientists find out they’ve taken over their territory!

      I just hope there’s a priest, a minister and a rabbi around to intervene!

  2. I read about the Chinese Zoo. Passing off rats as snakes too. They could have gone one better and dressed the animals up, they could have put those joke elephant knickers (with the trunk placed for you know what, and googly eyes) and put it on the face of a cat and called it a pygmy elephant. I’d pay to go to a that zoo.

  3. We almost bought a Tibetan Mastiff… but opted for the English variety when we discovered that a) they cost $8000 (eight thousand) and b) the Tibetan Mastiff is actually very aggressive and, according to one report: ‘Instances of a Tibetan Mastiff killing people is not uncommon.’ You say ‘dog,’ I say ‘the new lion.’ After all, China does own us now and can change our language to whatever they want it to be.

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