Welcome Dear Readers! It’s time for recess! Friday Fictioneer Recess! This week’s photo prompt is brought to us by Claire Fuller’s camera. Novelist Claire Fuller.
Friday Fictioneers is a little writing event that happens every week starting on Wednesday, when Rochelle Wisoff- Fields at Addicted to Purple picks a picture, posts it, and we all write a 100-word story inspired by the picture. And then link up with other Friday Fictioneers over at Rochelle’s blog.
Howard’s New Job
Knock! Knock!
Yes?
One pepperoni pizza! That’ll be $148.53.
What? For pizza?
We charge extra to deliver here.
Why?
Delivery guys never come back.
I’ll get my money. Follow me to the dunge—uh, basement.
Okay.
Sit down in that chair.
In that electric chair?
Don’t worry. It’s not plugged in.
I’ll stand.
At least take a weight off and lean up against that rack.
Why does it have straps?
I’m a dentist.
I gotta go!
I’ll extract your wisdom teeth for free!
You’re crazy!
Wait! I’ll split my pizza with you 50/50?
No!
40/60?
No!
70/30?
Well . . . okay.
* * *
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
I’m so not delivering pizza to your place! Plus who would give away a perfectly good pizza anyway?
Really! When that happens you know there’s some bad cheese in Denmark! (That’s not the expression I wanted to use, but Peanuts is drawing a blank.)
peanuts has issues…lol
Hahah! Poor Peanuts!
Come back! You forgot your tip!
Hahah! 😀
🙂 Hilarious! As usual.
Thanks Sandra 😀
hahaha omg, and i thought Howard was a smart guy. ugh >< but then right now, i'd give anything to break this diet and eat a whole pizza, or even 70% ^^ hilarious
Haha! Me too KZ and I’m not even on a diet! And I don’t even like Pizza very well, but somehow that never stops me from eating too much of it! HA! 😀
Oh! Now those are two hungry guys… 😀
There’s nothing they wouldn’t do for pepperoni pizza 😀
I’ll have a pint of whatever you’re drinking 🙂
It’s on it’s way, Paul! I hope you like Milk of Magnesia! 😀
Whenever they deliver a pizza and the cheese has slid all over the place, i think about not letting the guy return too.
I mean…I think of givng him free dental work.
I mean…
Mmm…pizza…
You’ve just given me a very wonderful idea. Instead of money I’ll offer service people a layman’s root canal!
This made me want pizza…. calling a psychiatrist straight away 😉
Haha! I admire your proactiveness!!
I had just eaten 😉
:D!!
Or you may have meant the Psychiatrist!
Right! 😀
Linda, I expect it was also Howards last job. But at least he got a good last meal.
Tack så mycket
Björn
Ah! True! Now that’s a positive way to look at it! 😀
Consider renaming the delivery boy Igor. Then this could double as a job interview 🙂
HA! Now that’s a good idea! 😀
I guess everyone has their price. 🙂 Great story.
There’s not much a person wouldn’t do for really good pizza, David, right? 😀
Too bad for Howard, he almost made it. There’s something about the lure of medieval dentists. Funny piece, Linda!
Isn’t there though?I am reminded of that every time I get my teeth cleaned. Well she’s not actually medieval, but she is middle aged. (Though she never serves me pizza . . .sigh)
What crazy character you are Linda, I loved this one, the fact that the pizza costs so much because the delivery guys never come back. I love the absurdity of the whole piece.
Aw! So glad to hear it, Summers! 😀
Dear LindaVH,
Is that ‘an’ electric chair? (I think you need an ‘an’ between that and electric in the sentence as you have written it.)
Love your story and the spare dialog. Especially love the line, ‘We charge extra to deliver here.’
Aloha,
Doug
Thank you Doug for the heads up! Gah! I so hate when I skip words like that. I’ve noticed I do that a lot. Glad you liked it though! Thanks for coming by! 😀
Dear Linda,
You have a serious electrical disconnect in your brain and I love it. Another pizza delivery boy bites the dust.
Shalom,
Rochelle
What a nice compliment for my brain, Peanuts!! Thanks Rochelle! 😀
He may be the most recent in a long line of pizza delivery folks to vanish… but at least he got a good portion of the pizza first. Well done!
Ha yes! ! I feel sorry for the guy who agreed to 50/50.
Two minutes on the lips equals a life time of torture.
Still, I would have done 40:60 for pepperoni with mushrooms and pineapple.
Ahahhahaaha! Well at least he didn’t need to worry about those extra calories probably. 😀
Hi Linda,
That place does look creepy. And I’ll bet the only tip the pizza guy gets in the tip of a knife. But at least he didn’t die hungry. Ron
Ha! He probably would have been better off eating the guys pizza and then driving away! 😀
I knew pizza was bad for you… Excellent take on the prompt!
It is in every way shape and form in this story anyway! 😀
I wondered how you would twist such a dark image into something humorous! Definitely staying away from that place…can only imagine what he does to door to door salesmen
Oh definitely stay away Carrie. If you have any pizza’s to deliver there you can just send them over to my house instead! 😀
Hilarious piece Linda. 🙂
Aw, so glad you liked it, jwd! 😀
Hum, he must have been a twenty something if 70% of the pizza convinced him to stay. Although I must admit, 70% of a pizza and a six pack would probably still get me!
Ha! Good point Lewis! The beer probably comes out as a last resort! 😀
You can always lighten the mood, Linda. Made him an offer he couldn’t refuse, I guess. 😉
Oh thank you Patty! 😀 There’s not much I wouldn’t do for a really good slice of pizza! 😀
hehe this piece was fantastic! I just noticed that it was posted last year, hehe. Anyway, I’m really glad I found your site, Linda. There’s a lot of amusing stuff on it. And thanks for checking out Back Hair Advocate.
Thanks for coming by Ian and taking the time to look around a bit. I forgot all about this one. I”ve been cranking them out for a little over three years, for better or for worse. I’ve taken a lot of the series stuff I’ve written off line in the hope that someday I’ll overcome my laziness and put them together in e-book form.
hehe, sometimes I forget about stories also. By the way, I’d be thrilled if you’d submit something to Back Hair Advocate: http://backhairadvocate.wordpress.com/. Let me know!
Oh that’s nice to hear Ian! Just read your submission guidelines. And they do make you sound smart. I’ll see if I can come up with something your astute cats will like. 😀