Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories. Today Gregory learned about what happened when the people of Israel asked Samuel for a king to rule over them.
Let’s listen in as Gregory tells us how it all happened.
One day a man named Samuel, who was the ruler of Israel, decided to retire so he appointed his two sons, Joel (sometimes called Costello) and Abijah as judges to rule over the people.
But Abijah and Costello were always getting into hilarious scrapes due to doing such things as accepting bribes, cheating the citizenry and serving as horrible first-base umps.
So the people went to Samuel and demanded that he appoint a King to rule over them instead of Abijah and Costello. Samuel prayed to the Lord and the conversation probably didn’t go anything like this:
Samuel: Are you there God it’s me Sam
The Lord: Sup Sam?
Samuel: Oh no thanks. I just ate.
The Lord: No. Sup is a cool expression I just made up. It’s short for “what is up?”
Samuel: Oh. Well, the people want a king to rule over them. I don’t know what to do. I feel rejected by them and I feel like they are making poor decisions.
The Lord: Hashtag don’t go all emo on me, Bro!
The Lord: Oh nothing I’m just playing around with some new lingo. Anywho, ever since I brought my peeps out of Egypt they’ve been acting super-sized bogus. To tell you the truth, it’s driving me cray cray. I’m considering unfriending them. Anyways, listen to the people, but give them a strict warning about how being ruled by a king would be redonkulous! Capisce?
Samuel: Uh . . . no habla Espanol?
So Samuel told the people everything God had said:
People: We want a king!
Samuel: Yeah but a king will send all your sons to war, make you plow the all the fields, make you harvest all the crops and force all your daughters to make perfume and bread 24/7.
People: Who cares! We still want a king!
Samuel: Yeah but a king will take all your best vineyards, and all your best fields and all your best olive groves, and if that’s not bad enough, a king will take all your best servants!
People: Boo Friggin’ Hoo! We still want a king!
Samuel: Yeah but a king will take all your grain and all your donkeys and all your cattle.
People: But we’d still get to keep our goats, right?
Samuel: That I don’t know. But most assuredly, a king will take all your servants.
People: And we keep the goats?
Samuel: God didn’t mention anything about goats, but if God gives you a king and you decide later that you hate being ruled by a king, God is absolutely not going to help you out at all. Oh and I almost forgot to mention that God said to tell you that the king will also make you all slaves!
People: But the goats are ours to keep?
Samuel: Yes I suppose. But do you want to live as free men while creating a rich and fulfilling life for both you and your children or would you rather all become slaves but get to keep your goats? God wants to know which it’s going to be.
People: What’s the latest we can let him know?
And there you have it, Dear Readers. Please check back next week at this same time to find out what Gregory learns in next week’s Sunday School class.
Until next time . . . I love you