Dear Readers! I rushed breathlessly to my mailbox this morning, and discovered I had a new suitor and just in time for Valentine’s Day!
It seems Xfinity is now in crazy, passionate occupant love with little ol’ moi!
Ah! Be still my beating letter opener!
First off, no matter what I decide about whether I’m going to allow myself to be “wooed” by Xfinity, they want me to know that this plastic card that was attached to the occupant love letter is mine to keep!
Don’t worry, you don’t need to read it, it’s way too boring, (sigh) however I did read it and here’s what it more or less says:
If you pay Xfinity $30 every month, they’ll put security cameras all over your house so that if you decide to go to Hawaii, you’ll be able to sit on the beach and stare at your house on your smart phone to make sure everything is still not stolen every minute of every day until it’s time to come home.
Or it means you’ll be able to actually watch live on your smart phone as a burglar breaks into your house and steals all your stuff!
And Xfinity is also offering the handy feature of being able to control the lights in your home remotely so that while you are sitting on the beach in Hawaii you can turn the lights on in your house in order to better see the burglar who is stealing all your stuff.
Jeepers! That’s a pretty good proposal Xfinity is offering little ol’ moi! Let’s see what other occupant tokens of love Xfinity is throwing at me to win my affections:
Oh Goody! A touch screen controller . . .So when my grandson touches all the buttons trying to access Elmo, it will accidentally trigger the swat team to be dispatched to my house. Well, okay, that’s pretty cool.
And, with this 3 window/door sensors Xfinity is offering to provide me with much needed help when it comes to sensing which is a door and which is a window. Well that’s over-the-top thoughtful! I’m really liking the direction Xfinity is taking me in with this one.
Oh wow! Every time we move, an alarm will go off at the police department! Well, I’m all for that. Who wouldn’t be?
Woo-hoo! A keypad! Xfinity doesn’t say what this if for but I think we all know by now, don’t we?
It’s the Xfinity Wireless Keypad to my heart!
Because Xfinity has finally managed to woo me with their tokens of occupant affection.
It seems now all I have left to say to Xfinity is
“you had me at “Dear Linda Vernon and/or Occupant”
I don’t know about you, Dear Readers, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to have a heck of a happy Valentine’s day this year!
If you need me I’ll be on hold with my new beloved XOXOXfinity!”
Until next time . . . I still love you but not quite as much as I do you know who
10 thoughts on “Oh Valentine! You had me at Dear Occupant:”
You’ll be busy with all your keypads and monitors and sense detectors.. I don’t think we’ll be hearing from you soon… Diane
I’ll be documenting my every move — hey and then I can blog about it! I’ll have to change the name of my blog to Linda Vernon Watching Paint Dry.
Linda… I have just one word for you. Plastic. The card is plastic….. Think about that.
gigoid, the dubious
Why no post about the card I sent you? Oh, right. Never mind….
I can’t wait to see who sends you an Easter gift!
Yes that will be interesting to see. It will probably be AARP. Sometimes I get the feeling they’re stalking me.
I can see you. Put that creme fraiche back in the fridge.
…oh – by the way, Linda. Is this the first use and therefore coinage of the term: “occupant love” on social media?
Definition of a condition where business marketing algorithms cause a kind of ‘stalking’ of the consumer as if the computer had fallen in love or had a crush on the person in question. ?
HA! Yes. Good point. There does need to be a term for that. Occupant Love does the job nicely.