Linda’s Bedtime Stories for Grown-up Children


Miss Wabble in Love

Miss Darlene Wabble brushed her long blonde hair, gazed at her reflection in the mirror and lamented the day her boyfriend, Mickey, had run off with Starina Strapazoid, the star of the Interstellar Circus Circuit and abandoned Darlene on planet Poiple to rot.

 

"Gosh I don't know why Micky ran off with that circus girl when I'm clearly the one who is double jointed."
“Gosh I don’t understand why Micky ran off with that circus girl when I’m clearly the one who is double jointed.”

Sure planet Poiple was a pretty nice place to rot as far as rotting goes — and Mickey had left Darlene everything she needed for her impending decomposition, a lifetime supply of Marie Callender Chicken Pot Pies, pirated HBO and a nice big fenced back yard to keep the pesky and dangerous Poiple Platacorns at bay, but you really couldn’t call Miss Darlene Wabble happy.  Cheerful, possibly, but let’s not split hairs so early in the story.

The dreaded nine-legged, humpbacked Poiplian Platacorn
The dreaded nine-legged, humpbacked Poiple Platacorn

One day, while Darlene was practicing her marksmanship on the Platacorns through her living room window with her high-powered, semi-automatic potato gun (a Christmas gift from Mickey), there was a knock at the door, and guess who it was? Did you guess Mickey?  Good guess!

 

Darlene's high-powered, semi automatic potato gun . . . but don't worry, guns don't kill people, potatoes do.
Darlene’s high-powered, semi automatic potato gun . . . but don’t worry, guns don’t kill people; potatoes do.

Only not Mickey, her boyfriend, but Mickey the guy who lived next door whose name was also Mickey only he spelled it Mikki which was kind of sad even for someone from planet Poiple.

Mikki had come to borrow a potato because he had his heart set on having a potato for supper even though he was completely out of potatoes but had every other kind of tuber in his pantry.  But oh no! Mikki just had to have a potato for supper which should give you some idea of what it was like living with the people on planet Poiple or the Poiplians as they referred to themselves whenever they could find a way to fit it into the conversation (which was way more important to them than it should have been).

"Hi I'm Mikki.  Did I mention I'm a Poiplian?  I did.  Okay.  Just checking."
“Hi I’m Mikki. Did I mention I’m a Poiplian? I did? Okay. Just checking.”

As soon as Mikki blurted out his request to borrow a potato, Darlene immediately handed over her high-powered, semi-automatic potato gun to Mikki.   After that Mikki invited Darlene over for supper, and they fell madly in love while Mikki was shooting out one hell of a potato salad!

One Hell of a Potato Salad
One Hell of a Potato Salad

And thus they lived happily until they died and eventually rotted but let’s don’t talk about that now.

The End.

Now go to sleep.

Oh and P.S. Try not to have nightmares about the Nine-legged, hump-backed Poiple Platacorn as they don’t even exist . . . as far as we know . . .

10 thoughts on “Linda’s Bedtime Stories for Grown-up Children

  1. It was kind of MIckey to leave her everything she needed to decompose. I suppose it’s a much lengthier process for women than men as she would have to change clothes multiple times, pick out the right shoes, and put her make-up on prior to rotting. Hence the expression, “I wouldn’t be caught dead looking like this.”

    • Oh I never thought of that, Russell. You’re right. Not only that, but she would also need to figure out the most flattering position to be caught dead in. For instance, she might want to decompose sitting at her desk while pouring over a dog-eared volume of The History of Thought from Ancient Times to Today turned to page 47 or it might be more fun to just decompose while standing over the sink eating a bowl of Raisin Bran. So many decisions to be made! Who knew rotting would be so complicated?

  2. At least Mikki didn’t have pop a pimple on his poiple face.

    I request more bedtime stories for adults. I think this is my new favorite post!

  3. This was an excellent post Linda. As of Thursday this week I am taking over MLM’s Dream weaver prompt. Would you mind if I borrowed your Bedtime story idea for a writing prompt one week? I don’t know when I would use it but when I do, if ok with you, I will acknowledge you as the place I found the idea.

    • Of course you may Michael! That would be great. And good luck with your new undertaking — oh and could you send me the link to the Dream Weaver Prompt, I’ve read a lot of your responses but I’ve never actually been over there.

  4. What a Sci-fi tale indeed! Or is it Sci-fi and fairy tale rolled into one? I wonder….

    Be as it may, I loved the story moral which to me occurs as, ” If you are not gored by a poiple platacorn, you shall surely die from potatoes.”
    Lucky, this tale wasn’t around in Europe during the potato blight days in mid-nineteenth century.

    Shakti

    • My hats off to you Shakti for finding the moral in this story for me! It boggles my mind to think what the moral would have been had it taken place during the potato blight. it would have been sad indeed. But then again, I could have used St. Patrick in the story and, as we all know he is the patron saint of potatoes, so it might have had a happy ending after all . . .

  5. So… THIS is how you pay for your vacations, such as the one you obviously spent on the planet Poiple, probably doing euphemistic things with 37 (or, is that 39? Been a while..), which gave you the potato salad idea. I’m not sure it’s nice to abuse the reading public like this to pay for your indulgences, do you? Of course not…. But, I hear MAD pays decent coin for stuff like this; maybe it’ll pay for the next one, too…

    I look forward to the REAL story behind your vacation, and who the hell Mickey really is….

    gigoid, the dubious….

    😎

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