Just when you think life has dulled itself down to a stub, the new Pottery Barn Catalog arrives! Talk about reigniting your passion for living!
Oh Goodie Goodie Gumdrops! Let us rub our collective hands together and start our Pottery Barn discussion with:
- The Pottery Barn Activity Center
Clearly Pottery Barn is trying to get us to be a little more constructive in our spare time. To that end, PB has designed this (get a life) activity center. As you can see from the picture, Pottery Barn feels passionately that thread is the KEY FACTOR when it comes to any activity.
What is PB trying to say?
Perhaps The Potter Barn Activity Center is PB’s polite way of telling us that we need to get off our collective squishy bums and start actively LIVING LIFE before Father Time pokes us with a fork, we’re done.
As Dorothy Parker once said, “There will be plenty of time to do nothing once we’re dead.”
Therefore it is imperative that you buy yourself a Pottery Barn Activity Center right this very minute! Don’t just say, “Oh I’ll actively fiddle with thread tomorrow.” What if you don’t make it to tomorrow. Huh? Then what?
As Andy Dufresne once said, “Get Busy Livin’ or Get Busy Dyin” . . . You’re call Dear Readers!
PB wants to know how you would like being on your deathbed never having experienced the activities in their beautiful Activity Center. So stop wasting time and start flipping through that old Botany notebook ASAP, reread those old postcards, pronto! Don’t just sit there! Time’s a wastin’ — for heaven’s sakes at least PUT A CLAMP ON SOMETHING!
Yeah, The Pottery Barn Activity Center is $129. So What?
Pottery Barn is asking you nicely not to let the $129 price tag deter you from buying their super-duper-essential Pottery Barn Activity Center. If Pottery Barn has implored you once, they’ve implored you a thousand times not to nickel and dime yourself out of your one true chance at happiness.
Now, stop arguing and go get your purse or wallet and march yourself down to Pottery Barn . . . Ten Hut!
Oh . . . and since you’re going there anyway . . . PB wants to know if you’ve got 44 extra bucks lying around in, say, your garbage can?
If you answered yes, PB wants you to know they have devised a much more stylish way for you to throw away your money.
And that is by purchasing this One-of-a-Kind, Giant-Fork, Paper-Towel Holder:
The Cucina Paper Towel Holder
The PB Catalog describes this item simply as a Cucina Paper Towel Holder hoping you won’t know what “Cucina” means and will be too lazy to look it up.
Pottery Barn is hoping you will assume “Cucina” means sustainable, recycled, eco-friendly, soy-based, dolphin-free materials hewn by a mystical enclave of Mastercrafters headquartered in a barn made of pottery deep in the secret sustainable forests that Pottery Barn and Pottery Barn only has dibs on.
TO RECAP: if tree falls in the sustainable forest? Back off! It belongs to Pottery Barn!
Oh, and a word of caution about the Cucina, Giant-Fork Paper Towel Holder. If Father Time happens to drop by– be sure to hide this paper towel holder quickly. He gets weird around forks.
Until next time . . . I love you (especially you, Pottery Barn!)
Linda Vernon Humor 
I couldn’t afford the $129 price tag (that’s a lot for a tag), so I only spent $1.18 to purchase the table of contents. I have to say, it was quite a page-turner (only one page).
I’ve heard rumors of things that go on behind the Pottery Barn – have you heard about that, Misty ? You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone else.
Haha! Oh Nick! You like the table of contents too? I’m waiting for The Table of Contents sequel, Card Table of Contents. And yes I know all Pottery Barn’s deep dark secrets because I must say I can read between the lines of the Pottery Barn Catalog better than I can read between the lines of the Table of Contents! But now I’m tooting my own horn (Pottery Barn Horn Tooting Kit $3,284.00)
Well just in time in my part of the world Linda to greet the new year….and for me to be entertained by you once again….Best Wishes for 2017, I hope its a great year for you…..
Oh Thank you so much Michael. And very happy New Year to you too! It will be fun to see what happens next!
I’m giggling! (My version of PB is “Real Simple”—which shows me how I can spend hundreds of dollars to simplify my life, ha!)
Hi Kana! Thank you so much for stopping by! Now I definitely have to go out and buy a Real Simple magazine. Hundreds of dollars to simplify your life sounds like my kind of magazine. I get a kick out of Dwell magazine too. I think they should change the name to Stark!
I think I’ll start simple, just one spool of thread, and practice unwinding and rewinding it multiple times until I feel comfortable with crafting. That should make for some exciting entries in my journal I never update.
As to the paper towel holder, I’m holding out for a model with a giant spork on top. I find the entire spork species really annoying. The whole idea of cross-breeding silverware is a little sick if you ask me. What’s next, a cleaver and a ladle getting it on to give us a cladle?
LOL Russell. I think you have just hit upon the next big thing. The Cladle!!! You come up with the business plan and we’ll pitch it to Pottery Barn! We’re gonna be rich, baby! RICH!!!!
You’re as crazy as always. You know I’d stab myself on that fork every time I went to use the paper towels.. don’t you? Diane
Ha! I certainly would! Nice to see you Diane. Happy New Year!!
Happy New Year Linda…. Diane
That was my first thought, too. The last thing I need is a scar on my wrist that makes me look suicidal when all I’m trying to do is used quilted paper towels to wipe up coffee.
I got an email saying “Bad News,” went to the URL, but there wasn’t anything there. Then another one was sent. Same thing. Hope everything is alright.
Well, anyway, I see you’ve made a comment on the fourth. I was worried. Other people I’ve followed in the past have been away from the weblogs for over two years. Makes you wonder what happened. WomanInThrisis, Joanna Shields-Warner, mysteriously disappeared. And a couple of others. 😦
Hi Donald, yes I haven’t been adding to my blog much the last couple of years. I keep thinking I’m going to get back into it but then get sidetracked with other projects. I did blog pretty heavily for about 3 or 4 years though. Maybe I just got my fill of it. I’m still writing. Working on a story now. I may post it one of these days . . . thank you for all your support and for taking the time to come by and wipe the cobwebs off my blog from time to time. 🙂
I’m glad to hear that you’re still writing. I always thought you should try your hand at writing a book. It would probably be a good idea for you to use your weblog in order to reach a fairly large audience.
I once knew a lot of people on WordPress. Now, they’re all gone.
I’ve been coming onto WordPress to place the chapters of some books I’ve written. I just finished the third of four books. These three could stand alone as a set, but I have one more I want to write, because I have it all sketched out.
I have really blown myself away with what I’ve written. I didn’t know I had it in me to come up with all these series of inventive creations. The three books could be one epic novel if I wanted to do it like that. An epic is 110,000 words or more. The three I’ve written are 118,000.
It takes a lot to make me cry, but I wrote something earlier – I’ve been writing for 6.5 straight hours – that had me in tears, deeply moving.
Let me know something about what you’re writing. Are you going to publish it yourself online, or are you aiming at getting it published by a bookhouse? What kind of story is it?
Oh Donald. When you write for 6.5 hours and you are crying at what you wrote don’t you feel like it’s not even really you writing it? I feel that way a lot. Things just come to me. I don’t feel like it’s me thinking it up, it feels more like I’m just a passenger on some cosmic writing train! I used to know so many wonderful people on wordpress and yes, most of them are gone and they were some of the best and nicest people I’ve ever known. I love them all to this day and I always will. What I’m writing right now is a story. I’m letting it take it’s own course. It may be a novel but then again it may just turn out to be a story. It’s about a young woman who travels from town to to robbing petty cash drawers for a living. She travels with her cat who has a drinking problem. It takes place in 1959. This story kind of has a life of its own so I’m trying not to impose my will on it too much.
About being a conduit: I’ve heard a lot of writers say that. Others have their stories carefully planned out, and for a mastercraftsman, like PG Wodehouse, it works. For me, I like not knowing what’s going to happen – as you mentioned, I didn’t see that emotional situation coming. (More fun writing that way, at least for me.)
Your story sound really interesting. I hope you consider writing it and posting it in instalments. The only risky thing about that is that what you’re putting online is essentially a first draft. I find myself tinkering with the story here and there after it’s been posted, but I don’t mind.
You can continue to ‘stylistically abuse the English language’ with the story you’re writing. (just let people know you’re writing it for enjoyment and to not kill you with the kindness of a thousand different slices (AKA suggestion on how to ‘improve’ it))