Welcome Dear Readers to Linda Vernon Humor 2.0!
Oh happy day! The time has come to start writing again. The main thing that has happened to me since I last wrote, 1016 days ago, is that I am now divorced from my husband of 40 years who I always referred to on this blog as 37.
You can read about 37 and all the fun we used to have here if you’re curious (but I wouldn’t bother if I were you).
So why did 37 and I get a divorce?
I’ll spare you the gory details, because I honestly don’t know them. Suffice it to say, it was a mighty big surprise to me when 37 came home from work one night and sat me down and explained he didn’t want to be married anymore. I can’t even remember what he said. I only remember his explanation didn’t make much sense. But he wrapped it up in 40 minutes before he left to go to a hotel — so one minute for every year we were married. I don’t know if he planned it that way, but he is an engineer, and they are known for being precise.
You can read about 37 being an engineer here (but I wouldn’t bother if I were you).
37 dropped off the face of the planet and is now rumored to be living on the planet’s neck and shoulders (or possibly lower)
I’ve only seen 37 a couple of times since he left. It’s all very unreal, Dear Readers, and it has taken me 1016 days to get my bearings figured out. (I was a D student in bearings class.) But I’m happy to report that I have decided to have a ball with the rest of my life anyway and that includes writing humor. Because I’ve found that it’s hard to be depressed when you are trying to think up funny stuff.
Divorce Helpful Hints
So what have I learned from going through a divorce after 40 years of marriage? I’ve learned how to go out on dates. I’ve learned how to drive places I normally would have never dreamed of driving. I’ve learned how to open a jar pickles with my own strength. Okay not really. But I have learned not to buy pickles anymore. I’ve learned that it’s nice not to have a man in the house who eats all the potato chips before you get any and much more which I will write about from time to time.
Anyway, thank you for coming to check out Linda Vernon Humor 2.0. And I look forward to connecting with all of you!
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
I’m not entirely sure what a jar of pickles is, although reading this sad, yet wonderfully hopeful piece, I can only suggest that to master the opening of said jar spells a new freedom of sorts! May the best of good fortune be yours.
Thank you so much Mike. And I’m going to work on that jar of pickles!
Hooray! I love everything that’s 2.0 and that includes you! You are such a wonderful, inspiring, hilarious and beautiful. I’m so lucky to have you as my mom no matter what version you’re in.
Oh and Pickles are highly overrated anyway.
Ah! Thank you honey!! I see you’ve got a new blog? Thehappyishblog! I can’t wait to see what you do with it! I’ll call you tomorrow.
I will now think of you as a newly released butterfly. The words cocoon and coconut are etymologically related. Most species of swallow can not carry a coconut. Speaking of species, that would be a specious argument at best. At worst, it would be an argument as full of holes as a piece of Swiss cheese. And it would be easier for a camel to pass through a hole in a piece of Swiss cheese than for rich man to leave a big tip. And we all know how aerodynamic the tips of butterfly wings are. [See what happens to us when you are gone for so long ? Please don’t do that again. The farm isn’t all that funny.]
Hi Nick Danger, Jr. After reading your comment I suddenly have an urge for coconut cake with swiss cheese. Do you see how your comments affect me? It’s all good though.
I’m sooo glad you’ve returned to writing! I’ve always enjoyed reading and laughing with you.
Thank you Kelly! It’s so nice to hear from you and thank you for coming by! Hope all is well.
You have been my friend for almost forever! I’m sorry 37 got involved with analyzing &forgot to appreciate your gift of humor & zest for life! You are awesome & have always made me laugh!!!
Hi Vicky! Thank you for your kind words. I know when we hung out we were always laughing! Our operas were awesome! And I’m happy that I’m finally starting to feel like myself again! Love you!
Oh my Linda! First, how could you have been married for more years than you’ve been on the planet?! And secondly, well done for getting back on the funny horse; ride that stallion big time stylee!
Oh Trenton, I’ve been married longer than most people have been alive! And I am going to ride that funny stallion fo shizzel!
Excellent; I love a good shizzel!
Ah Trenton! If only we lived on the same continent!
I think we’d break it…:-)
Oh man, I’m sorry for the upheaval, but glad you’re back.
Ah! Thank you John. It feels really good to be writing again.
While you’ve had 1016 days to adjust and likely don’t need any post divorce advice .. I find the need to say about 37 … he’s a jerk (not very nice of me to say that) and it’s definitely ‘his loss’.
I don’t understand and guess I never will, how a person can be married for 40 years and just come home one day and say they don’t want to be married any more… period!
I’m sure that you will go forward and make your life what it should and will be … and I await the humor that will evolve from what I’m sure was very difficult for you… but will make excellent material in the future… Diane
Thanks Diane! I must say, it’s been really hard, but I have been adjusting one step at a time and feel like I am finally beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel where my new life awaits me. I’ve moved on in so many ways. But the writing seems to be the hardest thing to “get back” so I’m happy I’m feeling like I can do it again. It will take some time to get My Brain Peanuts oiled up again. but I’m trusting that the process will be fun!
You’ll get it back… one step at a time … take care… Diane
Thank you Diane. I love you.
You are a special person… don’t forget that…. Diane ❤
Funny…my marriage collapsing put a full stop into my WP blog as well. Its hard to be creative from the shadows of destruction. Your writing has always been driven by and riven through with a totally addictive strain of worldly honesty. It has clearly survived intact and that is what we – your readers – love you for.
Vogue and Cosmopolitan can only define the high fashion of modern living because Linda documents the greater lunacy they hide. Ain’t no Prada without Pottery Barn!
Your comment means more to me than you will ever know, Roadwax. It’s good to be understood! And you understand me. How lucky am I?
As a gesture of support, i will open a jar of pickled and mail them to you forthwith and anon.
And remind you that you, of course, rock.
(Also, the package will have no return address so your neighbors can’t request mailings of their own pre- opened pickles. )
(Pre something. )
I love you Guap!
And right back atcha!
Oh, dear. I seem to be EXTREMELY late to the partay…my apologies. I happened upon your nice blog whilst searching for humour blogs annnnd here I am. AND, I see Guap has beat me here. *sigh*
Oh Aren’t you sweet! Thank you so much for coming by and Guap has the entire internet covered at any giving moment! He is amazing!
Linda, did you just delete a spam comment from someone telling you that they could improve your blog?
We just missed some ‘comedy gold’ there!
Leave the next spammer up and let us – your loyal followers – create the thread below it… 😉