Archeology: Breaking News About What Happened A Long Time Ago


Roman Man Cartoon Linda Vernon HumorAchoo Brute? 

Though Ancient Romans tried valiantly to crucify, burn and/or feed to wild animals as many people as possible on any given day, it seems they were no match for the killing powers of the plague bacterium, Yersinia Pestis, which, experts believe, was responsible for killing an estimated 100 million (MDLXXXVII) Romans.

After studying a boatload of ancient skeletons, Barbara Bramanti, an Archaeogeneticist at Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz Germany, was flabbergasted to discover Yersinia Pestis was responsible for all the plague epidemics in the last 1500 years — almost as flabbergasted as she was to discover the Johannes Gutenberg University in Mainz Germany actually offered a degree in Archeogenetics!

Humorous Archeology Linda Vernon Humor
“Oh wonderful! Another full parking lot!”

There’s Bones in Them Thar Parking Lots

Digging up parking lots and looking for bones is the new Archeology craze that is sweeping the UK!  The recent discovery of  the royal bones of King Richard the III, underneath a Parking Lot in Leicester has given rise to  The UK Bone Rush of 2013 causing archeologists with bone fever to leave their wives and families, and risk everything to go downtown and  dig for ancient bones underneath parking lots all over  the UK.

Recently, some lucky archeologists struck bone after digging up a parking lot in downtown Scotland that turned up big, huge nuggets of bones from a medieval knight and his family.   And the mining of another parking lot at the corner of Newarke and Oxford streets,  yielded the Motherlode  when an entire Roman Cemetery was discovered!

UK traffic experts fear if this worrying trend continues unchecked, there will be absolutely nowhere to park in the entire British Isles by this time next year.

If says they're not rocks, they're not rocks!
Listen, if TLaloc II-TC says they’re not rocks, they’re not rocks, okay?

Robot Finds Little Mysterious Spheres in Ancient Temple

In order to explore a tunnel in the pyramid of  Teotihuacan in Mexico, claustrophobic archeologists sent in a remote-controlled robot affectionately dubbed, TLaloc II-TC,  that had an infrared camera and a 3D laser scanner strapped to where it’s little eyes should be.

Archeologists were positively giddy when little TLaloc II-TC, working all by itself, managed to discover mysterious spheres laying around everywhere on the floor of the tunnel.

When experts pointed out that the spheres looked more like rocks than spheres, the team of claustrophobic archeologists rushed to cover little  TLaloc II-TC’s ears and insisted it was merely a coincidence.  The experts were then told, in no uncertain terms, not to let the ten-ton, secret-pyramid-chamber door hit them on their way out.

Until next time . . . I love you

9 thoughts on “Archeology: Breaking News About What Happened A Long Time Ago

  1. I love the parking lot story. I am going to dig up the driveway next door and see what I can find. More likely to be tools for creating synthetic meth or scary bones than cool bones, but it will definitely add some lustre to my day!

    • Hahahah! Oh I love that you’re going to dig up the driveway next door. LOL!! It will relive stress AND possible make you some extra money at your next yard sale undercover! HA! 😀

  2. LOL! Archeogenetics! Hard to believe there are enough classes to make up that major. I’m sure they have some filler classes though, like ceramics and capture the flag. 😀

  3. The DNA tests on Richard III’s remains linked them to a Canadian citizen. I bet the Queen (German descent, married to a Greek) was stomping around the Palace with a face like thunder for a few days…

    • Did it really? I’m surprised that Richard’s the III’s descendants wandered so far from their ancestral parking lot!

      And it looks to me like the Queen only has two expressions. 1) Thunder and 2) Cloudy with a 40 percent chance of rain.

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