Welcome Dear Readers! Today the Toaster Reviewer Gal was kind enough to drop by the blog and leave a copy of the cover letter she wrote for a Toaster Reviewer job she is hoping to get. Let’s take a look at it, shall we?
Position Applied for: Toaster Reviewer
Dear Hiring Manager:
Your posting on LinkedIn for a Professional Toaster Reviewer recently caught my eyes, perked up my ears and blew my nose (jk). I think you will find that I am an exceptional candidate for the position of Toaster Reviewer.
While I have been temporarily out of work for the last three years (don’t ask), I have still managed to stay on top of my game in the field of toaster reviewing.
You see, I currently own and operate a Hamilton Beach SmartToast Extra-Wide Slot 2 Slice Toaster with Tongs, upon which I keep my Toaster Reviewing skills as sharp as a butter knife by making toast each morning and recording all my thoughts and feelings about my toasting adventures in my journal entitled, “Scraping to Desired Lightness” (which is currently making the rounds at various publishing houses on the island of Guam, btw).
As an accomplished Toaster Reviewer, many of my reviews can be found on many high-level consumer review toaster websites such as:
Google Toast (www.googletoast.com)
So You’re Going to Have a Piece of Toast (www.soyou’regoingtohaveapieceoftoast.com)
Unplug the Smoke Detectors Kids!, Mommy’s Makin’ Toast! (www.goop.com).
But my accomplishments do not end there. I also offer exceptional attention to detail and come to the position with my private list of some of the most powerful toaster-review adjectives in the Toaster-Reviewing industry today–which I have gleaned over the course of my career as an international Professional Toaster Reviewer Career Gal!
As a Professional Toaster Reviewer Career Gal, I have written these e-books, which are, unfortunately, only available on Amazon Guam, but still!
My accomplishments and qualifications are further detailed in my hard copy resume which is on it’s way to you via the Guam postal service. Please disregard the burned edges, frankly the Hamilton Beach SmartToast Extra-Wide Slot 2 Slice Toaster with Tongs, still has some bugs that need working out in my professional opinion as a Professional Toaster Reviewer Gal (see above).
In closing, I am as thrilled about being a part of your Professional Toaster Reviewer team as you must be at receiving this cover letter from me. (That’s a Haiku, btw!)
Please contact me at my earliest convenience, and I look forward to our mutual admiration.
Sincerely,
Everybody’s Favorite Toaster Reviewer Gal!
And there you have it, Dear Readers, and I don’t know about you but I think she’s got a pretty good chance. Especially if there’s an opening in Guam!
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Are there openings for hot water bottle reviewer gals? On solar and can’t run a toaster….damn!
There’s nothing in the world more rare than a hot water bottle reviewer! You’ve got to go for it!
Ok then!
I just read a review from Rectal Thermometer Reviwer Guy. I don’t think he knows his ass from third base when it comes to rectal thermometers.
Hahaha! He needs to be fired and replaced by you. You’re the Man!
I’ve been called an asshole a few times. Does that qualify me?
I feel an eternity has passed since I read your blog Linda. I’m totally unqualified to comment on toasters or in fact anything electrical, anything involving wood or plastic but rather I am feeling that sense of pleasure and fulfilment at being here reading your inspiring words. As it is Christmas, or close to, my soul has been uplifted. I hope you are doing well and I send you my best wishes from the bottom of the earth where even though we are in the future and standing on our heads we are ok as a people if you look past the morons running the place.
Oh Michael, yes, what happened to the time. Back in the carefree days of our blogging. It is such a wonderful and unique blessing to have met you and I never think of Christmas the same since you wrote about your Christmases down under. The impression you made on me will always be with me. How lucky I am to have gotten to get to know you even a little bit though the magic of the online world. I truly believe that all like minds gravitate towards each other. I have met the most wonderful people through blogging. Those of us who are like-minded seem to gravitate to each other automatically. I hope you are well, and I wish you all the best and we must always keep the faith and keep on trucking through thick and thin.
There’s a lot of thick and thin going on these days. Getting older sucks I am finding out on a daily basis. But there still a lot to live for and children who expect you to be there for them.
Take care enjoy your Christmas time.