Every morning, I pour myself a cup of coffee and head over to my computer where I spend the next several hours writing. This means the only physical activity I get all morning is if I happen to yawn enthusiastically, sneeze vivaciously or gargle with chutzpah, –(sometimes gargling coffee helps me think).
And yet, all this extra added exercise doesn’t seem to be making much difference to Mr. Bathroom Scales — whose numbers I find are slowing creeping up faster than a Tiger Woods’ round of golf.
Which means I should probably exercise more. But while exercise is all well and good, frankly, I think it would be far easier to keep weight off by changing the laws of physics.
Why not simply build a time machine, go back in time and talk the person who invented the bathroom scales out of it? Or better yet, maybe I ought to travel back in time and have a little confab with Sir Isaac Newton– what with him being so keen on discovering gravity and all.
I imagine the conversation would go something like this:
Hey Isaac, you don’t know me, I’m a blogger from the future who’s starting to put on weight from sitting at my computer all morning.
What are you doing in my hamlet and; more precisely, what are you doing in my house?
I’ve come to talk you out of inventing gravity.
But I’m working on the Binomial Theorem whilst developing Infinitesimal Calculus. What is this thing “gravity” you speak of?
YES! I’m assuming that means you haven’t already discovered it then, phew! Well, please don’t because it makes the rest of us in the future weigh too much and— hey wait a minute! Where’d you get that apple?
This apple? It fell on my head whilst I was outside just now and– . . . Holy Black Plague! I just figured out why!
Please tell me you’re thinking something along the lines of a coincidence?
No, no twasn’t a coincidence! Me thinks it twas due to an heretofore undiscovered force I shall now christen gravy.
You mean gravity?
Ooh that’s better! I shall now christen gravity.
Hmmm . . . well obviously this little thought experiment of mine has shown me that building a time machine may not be the answer to weight loss, because the only thing it has succeeded in doing is making me hungry for Fig Newtons.
I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut this post short, Dear Reader, so that I can rustle up some Fig Newtons.
I plan to chew them vigorously while watching television briskly in an attempt to make negate excess calories.
If I am unable to do so, however, the person who invented the calorie is going to be receiving a little visit from moi.
Until next time . . . I love you, Fig Newtons and Sir Isaac in that order.
Linda Vernon Humor 
I have to admit I am also feeling a craving for Sir Issac Fig Newtans myself! Hold the gravy!
Haha! Me too!! 😀
lol….I used to say: “Do you know the muffin top, the muffin top, the muffin top, do you know the muffin top that lives on Sam Craft Lane”…..but I’ve lost weight now!!! lol
~ Sam
Clever girl, you are.
Haha! Congratulations Sam! LOL! I think the muffin top in question has moved to Linda Vernon Lane! 😀
he, he. 😉
Hi,
Loved the post. I too love having my morning coffee at the computer and going through the blogs, and that is exactly what I am doing now. 😀 (It’s 6.30am here) and now you are telling me that working my fingers to the bone, and lifting my cup of coffee is not enough exercise? That really has put a damper on the day. 😆
LOL Mags! But I’m pretty sure lifting your coffee cup with oomph does burn a considerable amount of calories as long as you drink 57 cups or more. Actually, I might have figured wrong, if 37 ever gets that time machine done I’ll ask Sir Isaac about it for us! Ha! 😀
I have to ask – did 37 help with this post, and is he now in the garage building a time machine?
Yes, and yes! When it comes to me losing weight, he’s very supportive!
Congrats~I’ve nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award!
http://photoscience.wordpress.com/2012/06/04/the-versatile-blogger-award-i-feel-so-honored/
Please view the nomination page- and follow the rules to accept the award.
Cheers!
-Chanel
Oh thank you so much Chanel! How nice of you! I’m honored! 😀 I’ll buzz over to your link right now!
Ugh! I, too, am feeling the pinch. I’m so glad I have SIN (Sir Isaac Newton) to blame and his darn gravity! I’m sure it doesn’t have anything to do with being glued to my chair blogging 24/7, or looking at yummy pictures of food on Pinterest that I’m subliminally forced to go buy and then prepare, right? Fig Newtons… Great! Now I’m going to have to rustle some up. Thanks a lot Linda!
Between making ourselves hungry between reading about Fig Newtons and Canadian popcorn we’re going to have to take up jogging — while reading our Ipads of course! I promise not to mention food for the rest of the week if you will — wait your on blog vacation . . .well we’ll start next month! Lol! 😀
Wonderful work, there, Ms Linda.
The only good thing about gravity I can think of is John Mayer, so PLEEEEZ don’t go visit him. OK?????
Srsly – and I thought 8 hours a day doing the blog/typing/computer thing would take me down into the single digit sizes!!! Oh well…
🙂
Haha BuddaKat! I guess we’ll just have to type with more gusto if we are ever going to have the single digit size xperience! 😀 lol!
Lol! Oh man. So clever! I’m about as articulate as a .. Ugh see what I mean?? I loved this blog!! Such a good place to go when you want to forget your worries and not end up with a bad habit. Way to go 😀
Thank you so much Pudgy! LOL! 😀 You just made my day! 😀
You’ve lightened the force of gravity somehow, ergo you have changed the laws of physics, which entitles you to the Noble Prize, which, luckily for you, just happens to be a package of Fig Newtons this year. Huh! Chew on that, why don’t you?? : P
Thanks for making me laugh out loud so early in the morn Markie MacGiggles! hahahaha! I’m chewin’! And I’m chewin’! 😀
Ya that was funny and thought-provoking too!!! If you will excuse me, I have to check my weight now 😉
Haha Asifa! May The Gravity be with you! 😀
I love fig newtons! Only you would think of going back in time to stop the invention of gravity as a solution… its one of the reasons I love you so much. I am trying to catch up on all I missed and been working my way backwards… I can not do anymore tonight.. but I will get through all 45 or something like that.. no worries.. I wish I could keep going now. sigh… ❤
Ah my sweet cyberdaughter! I don’t know if there’s 45 but I am trying to write something everyday come rain or shine, topic or no topic. Sometimes I really have to scratch around to come up with something. But I love you and thank you for taking the time to read them! ❤ 🙂