Hello Dear Readers! Today we are going to break out our test tubes, put on our lab coats and push our glasses farther up on our noses to examine actual science stories from the around the web.
Of course, I have taken the liberty of paraphrasing and punching up things up a bit to make it, you know, more interesting.
After Checking All the Evidence, No Evidence Has Been Found
In an effort to reassure itself that there are no such things as mermaids, the US National Ocean Service has announced that no evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found. They would have said that there are no such things as mermaids but they thought “aquatic humanoids” sounded more like they are providing a worthwhile service to American Citizens for which they really do deserve a weekly paycheck.
It’s a rock . . .No it’s a boulder . . . .NO! IT’S A MOON
A team of astronomers who were taking turns looking into the Hubble Telescope found another big boulder about 15 miles across orbiting Pluto. The fifth one so far!! In a scientific burst of creativity, they have decided to call it P5.
In an effort to figure out why anybody would care, the astronomers came up with the following:
“The new detection will help scientists navigate NASA’s New Horizons spacecraft through the Pluto system in 2015. . . “
Apparently the New Horizons spacecraft is hurtling through space at such a tremendous speed that something the size of a BB hitting it could destroy it.
Astronomers are secretly happy about this turn of events because now instead of just sitting around playing Twenty Quasars and waiting for New Horizons to get to Pluto; they also get to take turns looking through Hubble Telescope for objects orbiting Pluto the size of BB’s.
Don’t Get The Moon in Your Eyes
An international team of researchers who needed something to do while waiting for their uniforms to dry, decided to speculate how bad breathing in lunar dust would be.
After exhaustively utilizing their brains’ capacity to think while ingesting large quantities of beer and pizza, they decided that “inhaling lunar dust by breathing it into your lungs could increase the risk of cancer” and “getting lunar dust into your eyes could cause eye irritation.”
The international team of researchers somehow managed to stumble back to the lab and type up two white papers entitled: The Health Hazards of Inhaling Lunar Dust While Gasping for Air” and “Scratching Ones Eyes Out While Gasping For Air With Lunar Dust on Ones Hands Can Lead to Eye Irritation” before passing out into a big heap of international researchers on the lab floor.
And there you have it, Dear Readers! I hope that this summary of the latest Science Shenanigans has helped us to better understand ourselves and the world around us!
Until next time. . . I love you