Checking out a K-Wal-Tar-Mart

Checking out at K-Wal-Tar-Mart

“Did you find everything you were looking for, ma’am?

Actually, no.  I couldn’t find the  aluminum foil.  Do you know where it is?

Did you check on the shelves?

I didn’t see it.

If it’s not on the shelves, then we’re probably out of it or we don’t carry it.

Could you ask somebody if you carry it and where it would be?

They’re at lunch, ma’am. Your total comes to $44.12.  Debit or credit?

But I only bought  a sweater and a package of gum and the sign said the sweater was 50% off.

Let me see, no, ma’am.   No, this sweater’s only 50% off when you buy  four.  If you just buy one it’s $29.99.

But that total still seems high.

No cause by the time you add in the gum and the tax and whatnot . . . debit or credit?


Slide your card and push the green button.  The green button, ma’am? The green button. Push the green button, ma’am.  The green button!

I am pushing the gre–

Cash back?


Push the green button again, ma’am.  The green button!  No, the green button, ma’am!

I am but nothing’s happening.

Slide your card again and push the green button.  The green button, ma’am.  The green button.  Are you a rewards card member?


Would you like to become a rewards card member? All you have to do is fill out this application with all  of your  personal information, and  it entitles you to take an extra 1% off  purchases over $15,000?

No thank you.

Would you like to make a donation to March of Dimes, then?

No thank you.

St Jude’s?

No thank you.

American Cancer Society?

No thank you.

Muscular Dystrophy?

No thank you.

It’s only a dollar, ma’am.

No thank you.

How would you like your receipt, ma’am?  Printed out or e-mailed.

Printed out.

Do you want a bag, ma’am?


Do you want your receipt in the bag?


And what’s your e-mail address?


So we can  e-mail your receipt to you.

But I want my receipt in the bag.

No, for next time, ma’am.

I don’t want to give you may e-mail address.  NO!

Okay, ma’am, calm down.  What’s  your zip code then?

What no!  You don’t need my zip code!  Why do you need my zip code?

Okay Ma’am.  I’m just asking you a simple question.  It’s part of my job.  I need your zip code for our data base.  If you don’t want to give me your zip code, that’s fine.


What’s your phone number then?

What?  You don’t need my phone number! That’s ridiculous.  I’m just buying a sweater and a pack of gum for heavens sakes! Let me talk to a supervisor.

They’re at lunch, ma’am.   If you don’t want to give me your phone number, that’s okay.  Just one more thing.


What are the last four digits of your social security number?   . . . . Ma’am? . . .   Ma’am?  Okay fine don’t answer me then. Thank you for shopping at K-Wal-Tar-Mart anyways, ma’am.

Shopping at K-Wal-Tar-Mart

34 thoughts on “Checking out a K-Wal-Tar-Mart

  1. Great post – reminds me of the day I was in an ASDA store (Walmart owned) and the girl at the check said, ‘Do you want any help packing?’ Given I only had a hand-basket with three apples and a loaf of bread in it I was somewhat surprised at her question. Did I look that incapable? Anyway, what could I say but, ‘You know what those were the last words my first wife said to me.’

    • It’s when you go in there with a trolley (shopping cart) load and they say “would like some bags?” No, because I am fantastic at balancing everything on my head

        • Nope. I take some of my own bags in sometimes especially when I buy cat food and coke, and they say “Would you like some bags?” … “No thanks I have some” … as she proceeds to put a bunch of bags there. Or “Would you like help packing?” … “Yes please, can you put fridge in that one, frozen in that one, cleaning in that one, cupboard in that one, bathroom in that one, and bread and eggs in that one please” .. *-blink-blink-* hehe

      • This probably reveals my age yet what you say once happened to me and I replied, ‘No I don’t need the bags I’ll just carry the lot away and you can stick a cabbage on top while I shout ‘Crackerjack!’

          • Crackerjack was a kids programme – a rather cruel one at that – whereby kids would win as many prizes as they could carry by giving correct answers to banal quiz questions. If one such prize fell from their grasp prior to all questions being asked it would be replaced by a cabbage and the studio audience would cry out ‘crackerjack.’ This process invariably went on until the poor child had more cabbages than prizes for answering questions correctly! Like I said ‘cruel’ if I recall correctly most kids ended up in floods of tears – but that’s British humour for you!

            • Ahahah! It is so cruel, I don’t even feel like I should be laughing but somehow it just so darned funny!! In theory anyway. That reminds me of the Jimmy Kimmel stuff where he has parents tell the kids they ate all their Halloween candy. It’s sooo funny and so cruel at the same time.

  2. Boy does that hit home… so funny… I especially like when they ask you if you found everything and you say no and then just say “Well I guess if there is none there we’re out of it”… Diane

    • I know! Why do they even bother? I supposed they are trained to say that. But they should also train them on what to do when someone doesn’t answer yes. Oh well that’s probably splitting hairs. (Oh and they don’t carry hair-splitters . . ..or they’re out of them!)

  3. I keep getting stuck with the same guy who sees my trolley and I have a bottle of wine, or rum, or amaretto…you get the picture, and says things like “big party tonight”. No..just my usual nightly tipples.

    I’m having a party this weekend, he is going to flip out when he sees how much booze is in my trolley.

    • He’s probably fishing for an invite. Well at least he can have a little bit of fun thinking about how much fun you might be going to have. (The grass is always green inside someone else’s trolley) Hope your party was fun!

      • Everyone they hire in that store is weird. They usually talk to themselves or others have to ask me what the vegetable is in my basket so they can find it on their screen. Carrots, I reply.

        Party is tomorrow, I say a party but only 6 of us. It’s my birthday bash and my last weekend in my house before I move to the suburbs. What will become of me!

        • That is so funny! They sound like the people who work at my local McDonald’s. It’s become a fun game to watch how badly they will screw up the order.

          Happy Birthday! I hope you have a delightful time! One last grand hurrah as pre-suburban Joe! Enjoy your carrot cake!!

  4. I have those exact same conversations at K-Weird-Mutt, and I always enjoy them. I wept with joy and happiness as I read this wonderful post. But all my tears made my sweater shrink, and now I’ll have to take it back to K-Wack-Mop and exchange it. Which means I’ll probably come home wearing 6 pairs of orange day-glow underwear. Really, I feel so blessed…

    P.S. Your cartoon was simply the icing on the prune danish– exquisite!! : )

    • Oh you go to K–Weird-Mutt too Mark! I thought I was the only person who shopped there. I go there for all of 37’s supplies! They have really good prices on their incredible shrinking sweaters — it always makes you cry though because the prices are so good. We usually go to just watch the sweaters shrink. HA!

      I never ever in a million years thought that that a real illustrator and cartoonist would say that my drawing was icing on the prune danish! That just makes me want to go out and celebrate by buy a great big box of maple bars! I just hope K-Weird-Mutt carries them! 😀

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