Linda’s Bedtime Stories for Grown Up Children


Panhandler Pennsylvania

Two things put the tiny town of Panhandler, Pennsylvania on the map.  One was its pan-handle factory and the other was its bowling alley, the Lucky Strike, run by Ivan “The Turk” Iverson, who, during his illustrious career as a professional bowler, started every game with a turkey.  That is to say, he would bowl three consecutive strikes at the beginning of every tournament.

For years, The Turk enjoyed the charmed life of a professional bowler, giving bowling tips to heads of state, meeting with presidents at the White House to explain score keeping, and even discussing the pros and cons of his most beloved balls with the Queen of England!

Then one day — while The Turk was conducting his popular seminar Bowling Shoes: The Good The bad and The Ugly in the break room of the pan-handle factory — there was a horrible explosion, the result of which blew off both of The Turk’s thumbs and permanently parted his hair on the side, instantly rendering him just another ex-professional bowler with a stupid hairdo.

After that The Turk spent most of his time trying to kill himself.  But without thumbs, he couldn’t tie a noose, get the lid off a bottle of sleeping pills or even get a razor blade out of its packet, much less slit his wrists with it.

Time passed and one day while The Turk was out in his garage trying to grab hold of the ladder so he could jump off the roof, his luck turned around when the phone rang.

It was the President wanting The Turk to come to Washington and be in his Bowling Cabinet. By now The Turk was penniless.  But if he could figure out a way to get there, his troubles would be over . . .

So if you see a man with a funny hairdo just outside Panhandler, Pennsylvania trying to thumb a ride with his index finger, stop and give the poor guy a ride, will ya?

HOrrible art by Linda Vernon Humor
Ivan “The Turk” Iverson

Until next time . . . I love you

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