Checking out at K-Wal-Tar-Mart
“Did you find everything you were looking for, ma’am?
Actually, no. I couldn’t find the aluminum foil. Do you know where it is?
Did you check on the shelves?
I didn’t see it.
If it’s not on the shelves, then we’re probably out of it or we don’t carry it.
Could you ask somebody if you carry it and where it would be?
They’re at lunch, ma’am. Your total comes to $44.12. Debit or credit?
But I only bought a sweater and a package of gum and the sign said the sweater was 50% off.
Let me see, no, ma’am. No, this sweater’s only 50% off when you buy four. If you just buy one it’s $29.99.
But that total still seems high.
No cause by the time you add in the gum and the tax and whatnot . . . debit or credit?
Debit.
Slide your card and push the green button. The green button, ma’am? The green button. Push the green button, ma’am. The green button!
I am pushing the gre–
Cash back?
No.
Push the green button again, ma’am. The green button! No, the green button, ma’am!
I am but nothing’s happening.
Slide your card again and push the green button. The green button, ma’am. The green button. Are you a rewards card member?
No.
Would you like to become a rewards card member? All you have to do is fill out this application with all of your personal information, and it entitles you to take an extra 1% off purchases over $15,000?
No thank you.
Would you like to make a donation to March of Dimes, then?
No thank you.
St Jude’s?
No thank you.
American Cancer Society?
No thank you.
Muscular Dystrophy?
No thank you.
It’s only a dollar, ma’am.
No thank you.
How would you like your receipt, ma’am? Printed out or e-mailed.
Printed out.
Do you want a bag, ma’am?
Yes.
Do you want your receipt in the bag?
Yes.
And what’s your e-mail address?
Why?
So we can e-mail your receipt to you.
But I want my receipt in the bag.
No, for next time, ma’am.
I don’t want to give you may e-mail address. NO!
Okay, ma’am, calm down. What’s your zip code then?
What no! You don’t need my zip code! Why do you need my zip code?
Okay Ma’am. I’m just asking you a simple question. It’s part of my job. I need your zip code for our data base. If you don’t want to give me your zip code, that’s fine.
Good.
What’s your phone number then?
What? You don’t need my phone number! That’s ridiculous. I’m just buying a sweater and a pack of gum for heavens sakes! Let me talk to a supervisor.
They’re at lunch, ma’am. If you don’t want to give me your phone number, that’s okay. Just one more thing.
What?
What are the last four digits of your social security number? . . . . Ma’am? . . . Ma’am? Okay fine don’t answer me then. Thank you for shopping at K-Wal-Tar-Mart anyways, ma’am.
