What to Read While Hanging by the Neck Until Dead

Dear Readers!  I’ve been away from my blog for four whole days!  My kids visited, and we all  whooped it up Vernon Style in a combination, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Spring Birthday, Memorial Day celebration!   Gosh we had a good time!  We figure it will hold us over until June when we’ll all get together again to celebrate National Accordion Month!  (Can! Not! Wait!)

But Dear Readers, as you know,  life isn’t all fun and games.  No siree!  Sometimes life is a serious business and as such, you have to get the most out of every single minute — which brings us to today’s topic:

Literature and The Death Penalty:


Bestsellers Revised-for-People-Who-Are-Hanging-By-Their-Necks-Until-Dead Market

What Color Is Your Parachute You Wish You Had Right Now?

"A must read for anybody hanging by their necks until dead -- The Executioner's Quarterly
“Ha ha! A must read for anybody hanging by their necks until dead” — The Executioner’s Quarterly

Clear and Present Danger,  Tell Me Something I Don’t Know Edition

Clear and Present Danger the Obvious Edition
“A real no duh, engrossingly obvious read!’ — Hangin’ Judge

Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Swinging Back and Fourth  Etiquette

Amy Vanderbelt
“A complete guide to avoiding that final faux pas!” — Washington State Penitentiary’s Gallows Supervisor

The Pit and Hey Lookee Me I’m the Pendulum

"Great Last Minute Zen Tips" --Zen Masters Magazine
“Great last-minute death-penalty zen tips” — Zen Masters Weekly

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Who Can’t Breath

7 Habits of Highly effective people who can't breath
“I heartily recommend this to anyone who is undergoing personal changes from, say, alive to dead.” — Pope Benedict XVI

Literally Lord of the Flies

Literal Lord of the Flies
“The most effective step-by-step fly management program to date.” –The Association of American Fly Farmers

The Agony and the Ecstasy Only Ixnay on the Ecstasyay

Billy the Kid
“The Agony and the Ecstasy abridged version that ‘Death Penaltees’ won’t be able to put down until it drops out of their hands on its own accord.!” Billy the Kid’s Ghost

Ο Things to Do Before You Die, The Heavily Discounted Edition

100  things to do before you die
“Literally thousands of great suggestions not included! And at a price you’ll love” — Necktie Party Publishers Weekly

And there you have it, Dear Readers!  Now, I must admit, this  post was a little weird even for me.  I’m blaming it on  too much cake while whooping it up with the family.  I’m really going to have to watch it at next months National Accordion Celebration!

Until next time . . . I love you

20 thoughts on “What to Read While Hanging by the Neck Until Dead

  1. I would opt for Oliver Twist of Her Neck or Hemingway’s less popular companion book, Farewell to Arms and Legs and Blood Vessels. But that’s just me — I love the classics.


    • I’ve never see Lemony Snicket but now I simply must! I wonder if I should read the book or see the movie. I probably won’t have time for both if I happen to be dangling and whatnot . . .

  2. If these aren’t really quick reads and there’s time to finish them, then the hanger is doing a really bad job.

    I have only two pieces of advice for the swinger:
    – Dark sunglasses so no one sees your eyes bugging out

    (I really don’t want to talk about how I know this.)
    (Damned disney channel.)

    • hahhahaha! Dark Sunglasses and diapers! (I know what you mean about the Disney channel. I think you’re referring to the hanging scene in the Apple Dumpling Gang if my memory serves me correctly.)

  3. Bhahaha! You’re killing me, Linda! (No, not literally.)
    “The Agony and the Ecstasy Only Ixnay on the Ecstasyay!” LOL!
    My other favorite, “Literally Lord of the Flies.” “The most effective step-by-step fly management program to date.” Oh my gosh – too funny. Now this is how I like to start my day. 😀
    Thanks for the early morning laughter!!

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