I Hate My Linda Vernon Electronic Device Team

Hello Dear Readers!

Welcome to Friday where, if you happen to be in prison, you get to make a big, fat, red X on your prison calendar over today’s date — which has got to be the funnest thing there is to do in prison, don’t you agree?

I’m in Total Wing-It Mode

I’m totally winging it today, Dear Readers.  I don’t have any plan in mind for this post.  Well, yes, I did have a plan in mind when I first sat down at the computer an hour ago.

I was going to show you a picture of my broken glasses. (I broke my glasses).  Okay, a picture of my broken glasses is not the most fascinating thing to look at, sure, even if you are in prison, but at least it was a plan.

There’s Nothing Wrong with My Computer That a Little Murdering Wouldn’t Fix

Unfortunately I couldn’t get my Linda Vernon Electronic Device Team (LVEDT) to cooperate with me.  Try as I might, I couldn’t get the picture of my broken glasses I took on my Iphone to go to my email.

Oh sure, part of my LVEDT malfunction problems could be that I’ve never taken the time to actually learn how to operate them properly.  Unless one was charitable enough to call process of elimination button pushing “operating”. (But, of course, one probably isn’t that charitable, which is probably why one is in prison right now.)

You call that an instruction?

Part of the problem is I don’t like following instruction.  Nobody ever makes instructions fun to read.  What I want to know is who is telling me the instructions and what is motivating them to do so?  Do they live alone?  Do they have a family?  Have they ever seen a UFO? What about their drinking problem?

I mean, if there was just a tad bit more drama incorporated into instructions, I can honestly say that right now I would know how to properly operate my entire Linda Vernon Electronic Device Team and would probably be having drinks with the instruction writers right now. (Unless they were in prison.)

Buttons Buttons Everywhere

My problem is that every time I need to do something of an electronic-device nature, instead of reading the instructions, I simply launch into a fit of random clicking, selecting, resetting, yelling, unplugging, replugging, swearing, repeatedly pushing the on/off button, screaming (if the window is shut) and finally, when all else fails, damning them all to hell.

Let’s take a Post Break for a second:  Wouldn’t it be cool if you could reset your Ipad by turning it upside down and shaking it like an etch-a-sketch?  Okay now back to what we/I was talking about.

Anyway, Dear Readers, I fear I am turning into The Mommy Dearest of my Linda Vernon Electronic Device Team.

Time for another break from this post:  Maybe I should beat them all with a wire hanger!

But seriously, Dear Readers,  if my electronic devices should ever figure out how to write a tell-all book about me, I am completely screwed.

In fact, I’d probably be making a great big, fat, red X on my prison calendar right now, just like you are Dear Readers!

But hey!  Have a great weekend anyway!

Until next time . . . I love you

P.S. I promise to send you a cake with a file in it just as soon as I can get my Linda Vernon Electronic Device Team to uphold their iffy “send” claim.

31 thoughts on “I Hate My Linda Vernon Electronic Device Team

    • My glasses are getting so scratched up I can hardly see out of them. But I kept putting off gettng new ones. Well I have too. Even my glasses were getting fed up with my procrastination! HA! 😀

  1. I’m big on the “damn it to hell part.” Unfortunately, it doesn’t get me the results I want. Instructions should be fun, just like the one above the box I’m typing in now.

    • Instructions are a sadly overlooked source of creativity by writers in America today . . . sigh . . . I think a lot of problems could be fixed if instructions had a little more oomph to them. The damning to hell part hasn’t ever worked for me either, yet, but I’m always hopeful.

  2. No way this is true.
    If I killed someone out of frustration with my electronic devices, there’s no way a jury of my peers would convict me.

  3. An honorary degree in Nonsense in on its way, and you sure deserve it. A tip: please patent your LVEDT… or I will steal it. I’m still on vacation(back in Sept) but I needed a small nibble of Vernon pie. Yummy. Be good.

    • Ah!!! Took time out from your vacation just for moi? I can’t tell you how flattered I am about that! I also can’t tell you how eagerly I await my Degree in Nonsense! I’ll alert the LVEDT to keep a look out for USPS ASAP! Have a lovely rest of your vacation too Lexborgia!! 😀

  4. I’m with lexborgia. You do deserve an honorary degree in Nonsense. I could easily become hooked on your particular ditzy brand myself. ps. I’m a button pusher. I will avoid reading a manual till I’ve pressed all the buttons and broken my new toy.

  5. I inherited your electronics device team and your hate of reading instructions. Do you ever notice how much 37 LOVES instructions!? I think he and Tyler almost prefer to buy the most complicated devices (and give them to us as gifts) for the pure joy of reading the manual and then explaining to us how to use it.

    • Well that’s why we’ve been married all these years, I guess. Every instruction-or must have an instruction-ee to make life worth the effort! 😀 I think Tyler sounds just like Dad in the electronic devices department.

  6. Very true, instructions are boring. There must be a way to liven them up? I’m thinking back to fantasy adventure books I read as a kid. You’d reach a scenario and roll dice to pick which move to make then turn to that page to continue the story. Maybe instructions could come with this multiple choice situation. For example, setting up a computer, a) plug into wall socket and connect the monitor to the base unit using the blue cable. b) Put the monitor through a 60 degree spin cycle and dry for 30 minutes on a medium setting. c) Put the computer in a buggy and push it round the mall calling it Jennifer and berating her for spitting up over herself. I for one can’t wait to see how this turns out.

    • Hahaha! I love it! This is such a great concept for a humor piece. You should add some more to it and send it off to McSweeney’s Internet Tendency. It would be right up their alley. (Every once in a while I send stuff to them which they promptly send back, but at least they’re prompt!) 😀

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