That’s easy for them to say
After studying a fossilized hyoid bone belonging to a Neanderthal, scientists have determined that Neanderthals could talk just as
good well good as humans can.
“Many would argue that our capacity of speech and language is among the most fundamental characteristics that make us human,” said researcher Stephen Wroe who, as a human being himself, speaks very clearly except when trying to pronounce his last name.
“If Neanderthals also had language, then they were truly human too.” Wroe added, an assertion that he knew didn’t really make any sense but he was just so darned happy!
Either way, all the researcher agree that even the ugliest human is way way prettier than the best looking Neanderthal that ever lived. Amen.
The race to produce animals that glow in the dark
A Chinese team of researchers from Guangdong Province have injected jelly-fish DNA into pigs to quickly create a litter of pigs that glow in the dark in response to another team of researchers from Turkey who recently produced a jelly-fish DNA enhanced litter of glowing rabbits and are furiously working on making fluorescent sheep before the Chinese team can respond by creating a neon platypus and a night-light cow.
These accomplishments represent one more step towards a future in which genetic material from one animal can be incorporated into another opening the door to a new array of animals such as a living breathing turducken and a unicorn duck that doesn’t require night-vision goggles to see it after dark.
New marine species discovered in North Atlantic
International experts have hailed the discovery of two new types of clams, a sea worm and a new species of sea snail as a momentous discovery.
“These hidden gems offer a fascinating glimpse of the treasures that still await discovery under the waves.” said Scottish Environment Secretary Richard Lochead who it is rumored found the sea creatures hiding behind some octopus bookends while he was dusting the northern Atlantic continental shelf.
Efforts were made to contact Scottish Environment Secretary Richard Lochead for verification of this rumor but he was out of the office dustbustering the coral reefs.
The snail, the worm and the clams declined to comment.