Hello friends and welcome to the post that is going to change your life!
Have you ever wanted to be a bestselling novel writer but thought it was too complicated or would take too long?
Well think no more! Renowned Bestselling Novel Writer Wannabe Linda Vernon will have you mastering the art of writing a bestselling novel before the end of this post. After all, they don’t call her Renowned Bestselling Novel etc. etc. for nothing!
So let’s begin, shall we?
Step One: Obtain a Vocabulary
To become a bestselling novel writer, the first thing you are going to need
is are is some words. Here are (or is) some common places where words can be obtained:
1) Coming out of people’s mouths
2) Written on books, pamphlets, and brochures.
3) Scrawled on park benches
4) Cash register receipts
5) Government documents
6) Under rocks
7) Carved into trees
8) Hidden in tattoos
9) Crop Circles
Now that you are an EXPERT on how to find words, the next thing you will need is a bucket in which to place the words you just obtained like I did:
Step Two: Find a Lucky Charm
Bestselling authors have always known that to be successful, they must beg, borrow, or scrape off the bottom of someone’s shoe a lucky charm.
Renowned Bestselling Author Wannabe Linda Vernon suggests you purchase an authentic Evel Knievel Lucky Charm Coin that renowned stuntman, Evel Knievel, kept in his pocket each time he performed a motorcycle stunt.
Yeah, he did break every bone in his body every single stunt, but think what would have happened if he HADN’T been carrying his lucky charm!
Artist’s Rendering of the Evel Knievel Coin
Step Three: Dump and Title
Now that you have successfully obtained your words and ordered your lucky charm, it is now time to dump you Lil’ Bucket o’ Words onto the pages of your novel. (Depending upon how quickly your computer copy and paste function works, this should take no more than one to two seconds.)
Now for the fun part! Coming up with a title for your bestselling novel!
To save you time, Renowned Bestselling Novel Writer Wannabe Linda Vernon has taken the liberty of designing a One-Title-Fits-All-Genres book cover design she guarantees they won’t be able to pull off the bookshelf fast enough!
And there you have it, dear reader/bestselling novel writer! You are now a bona-fide Bestselling Novelist. If you don’t feel any different, don’t worry, it might take a couple of hours before this post takes effect.
Until next time . . . I love you
12 thoughts on “Linda’s Guide To Speedy Novel Writing”
Thanks for the chuckles!
So glad you enjoyed it Michele. 😀
I applied your guidelines Linda but I can’t find a bucket big enough…in Australia there are too many nonsense words on park benches and as for our slang its really a lot of $#^#^*$&#%^#@…..
LOL! Now I’m curious what kinds of words are on park benches in Australia!
Sadly the sort that would make many of us blush…..
Haha! Welp. It’s the same thing here in our park benches!
actually, ” They call the wind Mariah” You have been writing so much, this one is hilarious, I have called and you are always gone, I’ll keep trying.
You have called? Did you get a new number? I don’t answer numbers I don’t recognize as I figure they are telemarketers. E-mail me your new number at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I hope your next novel is titled “The Horses of Ignorium”
What a wonderful title! It sound downright intellectual!
Well that explains a lot . . . Although my lucky charm (the mummified snake with the heads) has not helped much to date.
And it is good to finally know what a bucket list is, I have heard much talk of such things
Okay, now you got me wanting a mummified snake with heads for my lucky charm! Where would I order something like that?