Trying to Explain the Inexplicable World of Metropolitan Home Magazine

Today Dear Reader, we will be taking a stab at trying to explain the inexplicable world of Metropolitan Home Magazine.

Mommy, where’s my milk?

I put it in the elegantly expressed living room that is a mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand.

Can I go get it?

No. you’ll mess up the mélange!

But I’m thirsty!

Too bad! Suck it in.

Mommy, may I go upstairs now?

No.

Why not?

Because we live in a one-story Metropolitan house.

But isn’t that a staircase behind me?

No, it’s a painting!  Ha ha!  You just fell for the oldest trick in the designer book, Bobby!

Bobby don’t cry.  I was just kidding!  I love you, Bobby!  Hey I know!  Why don’t you roll the coffee table outside and ride it down a steep hill?

But won’t I mess up the mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand?

Oh yeah, never mind!

Gosh, I don’t think life gets anymore perfect than sitting among this unabashed celebration of modern living as I thumb through a Metropolitan Home Magazine in which I am featured sitting among this unabashed celebration of modern living thumbing through a copy of Metropolitan Home Magazine!

Mommy, where’s my hotdog?

It’s in a bed suspended by ropes dangling over a cliff to showcase a mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand..  What a silly question!

Can I go get it?

No. you’ll mess up the mélange!

But I’m hungry!

Too bad! Suck it in.

Meet Vanessa Victoria Splatums. She’s old enough to have white hair, but she’s young enough and hip enough to hate her kitchen because it’s not mélang-y enough.  Well, sorry to have to be the one to break the news to you Vanessa Victoria Splatums, but your kitchen hates you too!

Mommy can I get the kitty out and pet her?

Shh . . . we’re trying to look at our mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand.

Mommy, I think the kitty’s thirsty, can I get her out?

No you’ll  mess up the mélange.

But she’s thirsty!

Too bad, she’ll just have to suck it in like everyone else in this world.

* * *

And there you have it, Dear Reader, our stab at trying to explain the inexplicable world of Metropolitan Home Magazine.

Until next time . . . I love you