Pottery Barn Presents: (part 1)

The Andover Collection (and over it you hang your TV)

So Pottery Barn is proud to present this huge block of wood with lots and lots and lots of drawers.

 But wait!  PB tells us these are not drawers.  They are component cubbies!

In case you are wondering what a component is don’t worry, I’m married to an engineer. 

And he tells me that a component is a piece of or a part of something.

So then this is a chest full of cubbies for pieces of or parts of something.

Why don’t we just skip all that and store the scissors in there.  So go ahead and put them in one of the cubbies.  Go ahead, pick one.  We don’t have all day.  Ok, there you go!  Now go bake a cake and come back later but don’t make a mess.

But before you go, know this.  The Andover Collection of furniture is and I quote, “like well traveled [dude]”.   

This furniture has been “painted and repainted over time.”  Yes you got that right “over time!” Do you know what that means?

It means Pottery Barn is utilizing the fourth dimension to enhance the beauty of their cubbies.

So, of course, you will be asked to pay a little more than your ordinary, run-of-the-mill, three-dimensional cubbies (if you can even call them that).

And just in case you’re not reaching for your ATM Card, PB needs you to understand that this particular Andover Collection of 40 drawers . . . uh I mean cubbies . . . have been painted and sanded and burnished by hand with a “rich espresso finish.” 

Do you have any conception how many coffee breaks had to go awry to get that finish?  Well, don’t even think about it.  It will only make you thirsty.

Now Pottery Barn wants you to go sit down for this next piece of or part of component of information (but don’t get anything dirty).

It’s on sale!

It was $1,398, but now it’s $1299 which is supposed to sound like it’s $100 off but not exactly because it’s only $99.00 off.

But what difference does one lousy buck make you ask?  PB can’t believe you have the audacity to ask such a thing.

Rest assured it makes a bigger difference to Pottery Barn than it does to you because PB is respected for their ability to come up with:   A Comfortable Style– A Design Guide for Casual Living!  And you, my friend, are not.

Now go get your stupid scissors and get out!  PB is sick of the sight of you.  And never darken Pottery Barn’s door again — not even with what’s left of that no doubt inferior espresso you’re drinking.

Until next time . . . I love you (sort of)

One thought on “Pottery Barn Presents: (part 1)

  1. My GOD that’s a lot of components. I think if I were to put my scissors in a chosen component I’d come back 10 minutes later and not remember which cubby component my scissors lay. Each and every day I’d feel like I was on a game show. Do you pick cubby number 1 or cubby number 12? What’s behind cubby 4?? You’ve won a new dust mite. Wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah.

    I hate pottery barn. I’ve never seen anyone make pottery in a barn anyway. Barns are for hay, horses and people who don’t close their doors.

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