Flipping Through Science Magazines of An Afternoon

From the Editor of  Scientificate Magazine:

“What makes some of us smarter than others?  Or put another way, why am I smarter than you?”  Barbara Buh, Co-founder of the Applied Large Brain Institute and Science Sincerely Yours Foundation Advisor took me by surprise with this question while we were setting up our display table at the Compass, Watch and Eggtimer Scientific Summit in Uppenappen Switzerland.

I momentarily stopped lining up the eggtimers so that I could give her question some focused thought.

Before I had a chance to answer, Barbara Buh, also Professor of Neuropsuedoscience and Director of Big Brain Institute at Mensa Medical Center in Nome Alaska pulled her rhesus monkey, Pieces, from beneath her top hat and began asking it rapid-fire questions to prove her point.

“What is the square root of seven?”

“What is the formula for gum?”

“If a train is traveling at 60 mph and another train is traveling at 40 mph going the opposite direction, what time is it now?”

Pieces just sat there looking glum.  After four minutes and 13 seconds of silence, I suddenly realized that Dr. Buh, also Chief Board Adviser for Test-tube Science and Welding Technology at the Goggles Institute in Anchorage Alaska was directing these questions towards me and not her Rhesus, Pieces.

I tried to nonchalantly keep winding watches but I could feel her piercing gaze penetrating me like tiny daggers or, failing that, very large needles.

“Am I allowed to google?” I finally asked and was instantly angry at myself for detecting a quiver of fear in my voice.

“If you must.” Dr. Buh, who was also Senior Research Analyst at the University for Internet Surfing for the Ketchasketchcan Scientific Center in Alaska, replied.

In that case the answers are:

“Minus 27.”


“And about a quarter past eight.”

But Dr. Buh didn’t respond. She was too busy performing the Heimlich Maneuver on Pieces who had managed to choke on one of the egg timers while I was googling.

Which seemed like as good a time as any to break for lunch.

6 thoughts on “Flipping Through Science Magazines of An Afternoon

  1. This post is the square root of clever times negative Pi! Sometimes I attempt to read dad’s Scienc-y magazines only I can’t get more than two paragraphs in without my eyes watering and brain shutting off.

  2. HAH! I knew this post was made up.
    The University for Internet Surfing is located in Wahsogloomieface, Nunavut.
    The College of Surfing the Internet is at the Ketchasketchcan Scientific Center.
    Foiled, Linda Vernon. Foiled!

  3. HA, made me laugh, but that doesn’t necessarily make you smarter than me, just funnier. And let me tell you that’s not a high bar to beat, with a stick or a Rhesus, Pieces, the monkey. Whatever…. Enjoy always, T

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