Pottery Barn Might Be People But They’re Not Like You and Me!

Browsing through the latest Pottery Barn catalog reminds me of the I Love Lucy episode where Fred, Ethel and Lucy are in Hollywood dining at the Brown Derby to spot movie stars:

Eating at the Brown Derby
Announcer:  Telephone call for Ava Gardner.

Fred: Where? Where?

Ethel:  Fred, remember,  she’s just people like you and me.

Fred:  She might be people but she’s not like you and me!

Well the same goes for Pottery Barn.

Pottery Barn might be People but they’re not like you and me!

Pottery Barn catalog page 54

For instance,  Pottery Barn tells us this is a “Family Home”.  How do we know this?  Because it says FAMILY HOME in great big letters.  Underneath that it says:

 “A home is where a family lives together.” Pottery Barn Catalog,   (January 2012) Page: 54

The Pottery Barn Catalog goes on to platitude-ize, “For your family home makes every room a place to catch up and reconnect.”

And in that vein may I present:

The Pottery Barn People Pizza Fantasy:

I would imagine when the Pottery Barn People were creating this space, they were imagining the following family scenario:

Off camera we hear a daughter’s voice answering a cell phone call from her mom:

“Hello?  Oh hello, Mummy!  What’s that?  Oh yes, rest assured Dearest Mother that I have just this very moment removed the fresh-fig pizzas from the open flames of our very own Pizza Oven and tastefully set them upon the two-teared pizza serving platter.  What’s that?   Yes Mother! Of course it’s the platter that is crafted from sustainable wood with an exclusive Signature Whiskey Finish, I’m not an idiot!  What’s that Mummy?  Oh yes, I’d say  everything is ready, and it’s time to round up Father, Brother and Sister from within the walls of our home where our family lives together!  What’s that?  Yes, Mother!  I know we need to  reconnect with one another by gathering round our casual, yet  boldly-scaled table made entirely from reclaimed pine for which we paid $1,999  and dig in!   I am not an idiot!”

The Real People Pizza Reality:

“Hey Everybody!  Pizza’s here!   Grab your sodas and turn on Seinfeld!

Until next time . . . I love you

25 thoughts on “Pottery Barn Might Be People But They’re Not Like You and Me!

  1. I thought every family had a pizza oven and two tiered pizza serving platter? They don’t? Well, that’s depressing….

    I laughed out loud with the “Exclusive Whiskey Signature finish.”
    Linda, this is comic gold! Love it!

  2. My family had a Salton Pizza Keeper years ago. But only because my dad designed it.
    As for the rest, thank you again, Linda, for warning us of the Pottery Barn behemoth that seeks to infiltrate every pore of our existence!!!
    They must be stopped!
    It’s a really nice table though…

    • Haha! El Guapo! When I first read that I thought you meant your dad hired a guy from Salton to watch over your pizzas. I looked it up though. Now I want one! . . . . As far as warnings. I do believe I am the Mrs. Paul Revere of Pottery Barn.

  3. Just gettin Lucy, Fred and Ethel into your Pottery Barn Blog is pure delight! Somehow it’s like a delish cocktail of hilarity! You really should approach PB about being a sponsor on your blog. If not, at some point they may just pay you to NOT write about them . Either way it’s a win win.
    Luv U, Joy

    • Thanks Joy! So glad you liked it. I think you’ve just hit on a wonderful idea to make money with my writing! Get people and places to pay me NOT to write about them. LOVE IT!

      • Yes, get paid to NOT write about PB.
        I’m pretty sure this is a new emerging field with all these blogs.
        We’ll have to come up with a name for it??? HUMMM…

  4. I will never be able tolok at another Pottery Barn Catalog much less walk by the store in the mall and not think of you and burst out laughing!. DOnt even try to get me to walk in now either becasue I would just lose it and probably pee myself….. Love it! You Rock the Pottery Barn lol….YAy!

    • Ha ha. I’m picturing that now, Lizzie! LOL! Pottery Barn probably should offer chamber pots for their customers who pee their pants when they see their prices! Of course the chamber pots would be modeled after French Antique Farmhouse Chamber Pots made entirely from sustainable seaweed!! 🙂

  5. What do you mean we don’t all live like that? All my hopes and dreams gone, faster than a Pottery Barn employee alseep under those really short but expertly made up beds.

  6. I remember that episode of I Love Lucy! And it’s a lucky thing for Fred they didn’t have PB catalogues back then– Ethel woulda ordered a crate o’ crockery and broken ’em all over his head.

    What’d I say, Honey Bun? Oh, Fred! : )

  7. Hey! AGrippingLife sent me here! This is so funny! I love the I Love Lucy reference! I have been drooling over Pottery Barn’s catalogs for a while now and my thoughts always end in, “Ugh I can’t afford this crap!” But I keep going back…

    • Ha ha! Lily I’m so glad you stopped by. I’m glad you liked the post. I don’t know what it is about Pottery Barn! Good or bad they definitely command attention. I really look forward to my catalog, and if I don’t get one I go down to the store and pick one up!! They’re not going to get rid of me that easy!

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