List: Inappropriate Kindergarten Backpack Items

Inappropriate Items to Send in Your Child’s Backpack on the First Day of Kindergarten 

Signed blank checks made out to the teacher

Fifty Shades of Gray coloring crayons


The kitty that has ringworm

Five Hour Energy Drinks

Any type of blow torch

Daddy’s arrest warrant

The I Ching

Opened bottles of ink

Mommy’s list of euphemisms for the f-word

Birds of any variety (dead or alive)

Molten Lava

Mommy’s note explaining why she ran off with the Gardner

Any type of antifreeze

Foods that are exactly the same size as a five-year-old’s esophagus

Daddy’s empty Jack Daniels Bottles

Until next time . . . I love you

25 thoughts on “List: Inappropriate Kindergarten Backpack Items

  1. Love this sooooo much. I bought my daughter a backpack off the internet. It is adorable! But…kind of…teeny tiny. On her first day, she cried because she couldn’t fit her folder in there. Oops. Maybe if I wouldn’t have stuffed all those birds and blow torches in there, the folder would have fit?

  2. Omygod… Linda, I nearly fell off my chair laughing, honestly. Had I been anywhere in the vicinity of chocolate milk, it would have shot out my nose.
    I love how some of them are so absurd (ie. Foods that are exactly the same size as a 5 year old’s esophagus) and then others are pretty simple and yet equally as redonkulous (yes, it’s a word) (ie. the I-Ching).
    SO glad I started following you!

    • That chocolate milk compliment is about as good as it gets, Helen! Thank you so much! And you’re following me? Ah well welcome! We have a lot of fun over here at the children’s table. I’ve got a redonkulous chair over here with your name on it! 😀

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