What the Scientists Are Thinking About

A thy that hasn’t been cine in a long while.

Update on The Scientific Thylacine Expedition

Dr. Chris Clarke and Richard Freeman, a determined as all get out scientific researching duo from the Fortean Society, are, at this very moment, still wandering around the Australian outback looking and looking and looking for thylacines.  Blazing a trail through camels, brumbies, dogs and  dingoes — not to mention kangaroos, snakes and god only knows how many spiders, they will not give up until they find the extremely elusive thylacine, a creature that has been extremely elusive since it became extinct in the 1980’s.

After setting up camp in the Australian Outback, one of the remotest spots on planet earth, the researchers have failed to find a thylacine, but did manage to locate a Starbucks behind some Australian Outback bushes and used their Wifi to communicate that, although they haven’t found an actual thylacine as yet, they did manage to step in some suspicious looking dog droppings which the researchers dispatched to civilization for DNA testing via a Starbucks’ pastry delivery truck.

“The area is so damn remote,’ Freeman marveled while sipping his Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte with Soy Milk,  “that I’d say there is a reasonable population of thylacines left.”

“In fact, I’d say there are more thylacines around the world than Javan rhinos.” Freeman scientifically concluded just after stepping in a big pile of Javan rhino droppings.

Christian Scientists
Only one out of four scientists considers himself cute.

Scientists Now Believe Our Universe Is Filled with More Habitable Planets Than They Previously Thought.

Erik Petigura, a graduate student at the University of California at Berkeley and the lead author of a paper published Monday in a scientific journal called Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences for Long-Winded Scientific Journal Titles, that earth-like planets having the temperature of a cup of tea are common around sun-like stars and went so far as to say, “the finding represents one great leap toward the possibility of life , including intelligent life in the universe.”  He failed to mention  how big a leap this finding was to the tea lovers everywhere and seemed to care less about his omission.

Sara Seager, an astrophysicist at MIT who was not directly involved in the new analysis but who was walking by the door while the scientists were talking about it — on her way to the break room for more tea —  pointed out to other scientists in the break room that “Earth-size doesn’t necessarily mean “Earth-like” but admitted the result will boost efforts to build telescopes that could obtain direct images on these planets.  A point that would have been well taken by the break-room scientists had they not been sipping their tea so loudly.

chihuaha wearing a saddle
Hi Ho Speedy Gonzales!

Scientists Warn that People Could be a Lot Shorter Tomorrow Than They Are Today.

A Team of Scientists from the University of Michigan have recently concluded after reading all about mammals in their Scientific Researcher’s Big Book of Mammals from 53 and 55 Billion Years Ago, that global warming is going to make people shorter.

“We are  confident that we’re seeing that one response to global warming in the past was a decrease in mammal body size.”  Lead Scientific Page-Turner, Philip Gingerich, stated while attempting to put a band-aid on his blistered index finger.

He then went on to state, “Bizarrely, fossil evidence from horses of the time indicated that they had reduced in size to something comparable to that of a small dog.”  He then proceeded to hop on the back of his Mexican Chihuahua to reenact a possible scenario from 53 billlion years ago,  but was immediately thrown off —  which he quickly blamed on the blister on his index finger.

“Over the next few thousand years following the climate’s recovery, however, the animals gradually returned to their normal size,” Philip Gingerich was immensely relieved to conclude before hobbling away.

* * *

And that concludes this Monday’s edition of What the Scientists are Thinking About, Dear Readers!

Until next time . . . I love you

14 thoughts on “What the Scientists Are Thinking About

  1. Dear Linda, when next you visit Australia you must drop by for a cuppa. The Thylacine has not been seen since the 1930’s, all that exists is a small piece of grainy film of the last one that died in the Hobart zoo. They lived in Tasmania an Island to the south of mainland Australlia. It is a remote and beautiful place and some people do believe the thylacine may still be alive. If it is alive still it is also the best hider you could imagine.

    • Oh interesting. Yes now that I think about it, I remember it being the 30’s that that grainy film of the thylacines was made. And I didn’t realize that they didn’t live on the mainland of Australia. Uh, I wouldn’t mention that to the Fortean team of expeditioners as the story I read indicates they are wondering around the outback looking for them. LOL!!

      • Well that would explain why they didn’t find any. There is a film with William DeFoe in it I think called he Hunter, in which he goes into the Tasmanian wilderness looking for them. It has a rather magic ending to it.

  2. This just in: after the University of Michigan published their findings, midgets everywhere gathered for an online Symposium, to proclaim, “the future is ours. Suck it.”

  3. The good news is 3 out of 4 humorist consider themselves good looking even though all use self-depreciating humor at some point in their writing. Now, if can just get a research grant . . . .

    • Oh I really think a research grant is in order and I can’t imagine your being turned down for such a noteworthy study. I would include laboratory rats in there somewhere too, just to give it more of a scientific air — perhaps your study could include whether or not laboratory rats consider 3 out of 4 humorists good looking. What about when said humorist is telling a knock knock joke? You know, something along that line.

  4. I think I know which scientist considers himself cute. He has that look twinkly “check me out” look in his eye.

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