Well, Dear Readers, it’s the new year. Or is it?
Let’s listen in on the Science Channel and see what Michio (Mickey) Kaku, a theoretical physicist with the best hair in all of science show business, tells us about time.
“Time is out there, but we can’t taste it, feel it, touch it, taste it, smell it or touch it, feel it or even taste it.” (Not a direct quote.)
Now I’m not a theoretical physicist or even a physicist theoretically, but I can think of some other things to add to Mickey’s list of things time can’t do:
Time can’t bake you a cake for your birthday
Time can’t dance
Time can’t spell “chameleon” well enough to get the correct version to show up on the right-click spellcheck words
Time can’t operate a blow torch
Time can’t recite any of the Gettysburg address
Time can’t macramé
Okay let’s listen in now and see what else Mickey is telling us about time:
Micky is walking along at midnight on Newport beach with his flashlight. He tells us,
“The grunions are arriving on the beach to mate within a precise two hour window, all arriving right on cue without a compass, without a GPS system, without a wristwatch, without a calculator, without a GPS system, without a wristwatch, without a GPS system, without a calculator. (Semi-direct quote)
Here’s some other things Mickey forgot to add to his list about what the grunions can arrive on cue without:
without a google earth printout of Newport Beach
without an aviation transponder interrogation mode
without a miniature inertial measurement unit
without a wake up call from Holiday Inn
without ever having tasted a Rice Crispie Treat
Then Mickey tells us:
“For me I find it absolutely astounding that the biological clocks ticking away in my body are about the same as those biological clocks that are ticking away in the grunions, in the birds, in the cows, in the flies, in the bacteria, in the flies, in the cows, in the grunions and even in the flies.” (I have no idea if this is a direct quote — I’m not even listening anymore.)
Here’s some other animals Mickey forgot to add to his list about how the biological clocks ticking away in his body are about the same as those in
in the rhinoceroses
in the tapeworms
in the cold viruses
in the mermaids
in the kangaroos
in the two little animals that Donald Duck is always getting mad at
in the lab rats
in the parrots
in the grasshoppers
in the groundhogs
Well, if you want to leave now, Dear Readers, I wouldn’t blame you at all. Until next time . . . I love you.
in the sparrows
in the slugs
in the billy goats
in the water snakes
in the chickens
in the yellow bellied sap suckers
in the Yorkshire Terriers
in the barracuda
in the larvae
in the horse
in the petunias
in the bushes
in the bees
in the camels
in the butterflies
in the crows
in the ducks
in the elephant seals
in the herrings
in the komodo dragons
in the lyrebirds
in the minks
in the mosquito
in the oysters
in the pelicans
in the elands
in the mooses
in the raccoons
in the yaks
in the mouses
in the tigers
in the wombats
in the pigs
in the woodpeckers
in the owls
in the kitties
(For more see page 327)
14 thoughts on “Science Channel Saturday”
Holy crow, this Mickey guy sounds like a bit of a wanker. Can I say wanker in here? Wanker. Dude, I think I am going to shed my journal reading and starting listening to you for my science fix. You certainly don’t put me to sleep.
I am still calling you dude by the way. I have not forgotten.
Science journal reading! That’s a clue as to what your PHD is in. Am I right? Is this “dude” getting warmer? (warm is this thing we have here in California, but you wouldn’t know anything about that, sorry, I keep forgetting you’re from the North Pole).
Crike yeah. All right, so it’s in engineering, of the environmental persuasion.
Hey, don’t knock the North Pole. There’s nothing like chewing on some whale fat huddled in a cave with several hairy men.
What? A PHD in environmental engineering, you say? Or am I extrapolating wrong? Well just answer me this. Do you know Al Gore. Not the hairy man who hangs out in your cave — the famous one. (Or maybe they are one in the same).
Yup, in environmental engineering. I don’t know Al Gore, although I think he would be okay to have a few drinks with. But so far, he hasn’t asked me to the pub…
I also now have the odd desire to be a grunion. Because mating on a beach is super cool.
Hey! That’s exactly what Michio said!
Hey, I read it to the end. You had me after in the yaks or in the bushes.
Thanks Bumba. I wish I had an award to give you for that. You’ve definitely earned it! 😀
I’m starting to think you need a segment in TED tv, these physicists and theorists could be put to the ‘But wait, what about’ test 😉
Ha ha! I”m sure after my first couple of questions they would ignore my raised hand! And well they should! 😀
naw, if the ignore you I’ll raise some hell! 😛
Hahaha…! Awww…now that brings tears of both laughter and sadness to me. Linda Vernon – banned from TV studio audiences in fifty states. Rather like a card-counter gets banned from a casino, right…?
Well hello Mr. Roadwax. Nice to see you here! Banned in all 50 states! Uh oh. If you need me I’ll be out buying Eskimo boots in anticipation of my move to Canada! What will all the provinces they have — I should be okay for a while anyway.