Welcome, Dear Readers, to the weekend here at the blog! And because it’s Saturday, we’re just going to kick back, drink some coffee, and flip (or flick if you’re from the UK) through old magazines from history’s easiest decade to make fun of — the slightly creepy seventies!
Let’s turn to the page, shall we
Happily here’s a problem I’ve never had. Wanting to look younger for my children. Who wants to look young for their children? I just figure as long as my appearance doesn’t embarrass them, they probably won’t ever notice how young (or old) I look.
And how did slightly-creepy seventies mom stay looking young for her kids? Well, by washing dishes by hand that’s how!
Back in the seventies, having young-looking hands was really a big deal. Nobody cared about your face so much, but, boy oh boy, if your hands looked old, it was all over sister! And the best way to keep your hands looking young was to sell your automatic dishwasher and wash all your dishes by hand using Ivory liquid dish soap.
Well this is an interesting headline:
Apparently back in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies, only ‘most women’ were better cooks than their cookware. There must have been some women wandering around the slightly creepy seventies whose cookware could cook better than they could. How embarrassing! I only hope their kids didn’t think their hands looked old –or they would have been sailing down the Slightly Creepy Seventies Creek without a paddle.
Okay, I’m not even exactly sure what a tool is, Dear Readers, but I’m pretty sure the guy in this picture represents The Quintessential Slightly Creepy Seventies Tool.
What?! No!!
Our beloved Ethel Mertz as Maxine the Coffee Lady? That’s just straight-up I Love Lucy blasphemy! I think you’ll agree, Dear Readers, it’s this kind of bizarre strangeness that makes the Slightly Creepy Seventies, slightly creepy.
Well that and stuff like this too:
Apparently it wasn’t enough just to have ugly tile on your floors in the slightly creepy seventies, they had to go and make little sticky linoleum tiles that looked just like your ugly floor so you could stick them on your walls and on your cupboards and on your furniture and on your cat.
Which is probably why more people went blind from staring at ugly tile than at any other time in our nation’s history. And, perhaps not coincidentally, more people were happy to have gone blind than at any other time in our nation’s history.
Here’s some slightly creepy seventies towel folding:
I’m sorry Slightly-Creepy Seventies housewife lady but that is a stupid way to fold towels in any decade! (But if it’s any consolation your hands do look young — what we can see of them anyway.)
Remember these?
They were called notes. And it was the way people kept track of their activities and whatnot in the Slightly-Creepy Seventies before there were smart phones and text messages.
And they didn’t work very well either:
Whoops! Somebody didn’t read their slightly creepy seventies notes!
And finally, let’s end on this little bit of slightly creepy seventies fashion:
Okay, I can’t actually prove it, but what do you want to bet this couple with their matching Captain ‘N First Mate t-shirts are the proud parents of The Quintessential Slightly Creepy Seventies Tool. Oh, and you’ll notice they’re also hiding their hands. Apparently they have an electric dishwasher.
Well, I’m afraid I’m going to have to close the magazine now, Dear Readers, as there is only so much of the slightingly creepy seventies we can take in one sitting!
Until next time . . . I love you
I remember a particularly creepy commercial in which a young woman’s boyfriend accidentally flirts with her mom, due to her young-looking hands and her dishwashing liquid. (It was always called “liquid”, not “soap”, or “detergent”.) And the young newlywed who goes to Mrs Olson for advice because her husband doesn’t like her coffee. Appliances came in slightly creepy Harvest Gold, Avocado Green, and Coppertone – to go with your shag carpeting.
I think I remember the boyfriend accidentally flirting with the mom! I forgot about it though (or tried to). Yeah! And that husband going to Mrs. Olsen for advice about coffee. What was really going on with Mrs. Olsen? LOL I love it!
I remeber Madge soaking clients hands in Palmolive. She said it was dish detergent, but it was green and I’m pretty sure it was from a toxic waste dump. A few dips in Palmolive and you developed mutant turtle hands. A decade later, their kids grew shells and became ninjas. As your readers may remember, everyone was kung fu fighting.
I really like the photo of the young welchers (how’s that for a creepy 70s word?) who came to dinner on Friday instead of Saturday. His poor wife probably didn’t have the right cookware and only thing she could cook was boiled water–which she burned.
She might have burned the water but at least she had most of her teeth.
The seventies was such a groovy time, they had to focus on problems such as: worrying your children think you look old (judging you by your hands), cookware that you can’t blame for a burnt chicken, a tool of a husband who gives you a pod people plant during the cake cutting of your wedding ceremony, bulletin boards small enough to only fit a tiny single note (it’s no wonder you can’t remember what night the dinner plans were, you only have room to write “Dinner Pla”), and matching captain N Mates shirts worn in your kitchen covered in linoleum tile that I’m sure the cookware must have installed. Whew!!
Haha! Yeah what is with that Tool Guy’s plant? Good eye! Well, I can’t take too long on this reply though because I have to go make my dinner pla’s.
All I remember is trying to keep up with 3 young children, and all that goes with it.. that is when I can remember, as I’ve realized that day has come when I have to double-check what day it is lol
Diane
Ha! that’s so true! I raised 3 kids too and all I can remember is a big blur of a lot of crying and a lot of laughing and a lot of driving!
Though I haven’t been blogging too much lately because of the circumstances with my husband, I will always remember you Linda as my first commenter… and how it encouraged me. I hope you are well … Diane
Ah! Thank you Diane. I hope you are well too. After 37 left in 2014, I got remarried but, unfortunately, he passed away 14 months ago. It’s been a really difficult time, but I’m doing my best to adjust. I know you are going through a difficult time as well. My heart goes out to you.
It seems to be the way that our older years more frequently bring us the sadness of coping with loss. I’m so sorry to read that you too are recovering but glad that you are clearly coping well, a survivor and not a victim.
There is never a perfect time for any of us, your longtime followers, to interfere with your processes nor assume that we can truly understand or share what are your personal experiences and your grief.
So I’ll just dive in. Over the many years, I’ve been too nervous to raise this with you.
You still haven’t properly covered the topic of vinyl upholstery, its odour, its tendency to burn children who’s parents told them “…Right. Get in the station wagon. We’re going home…!” and why it came in ‘those’ colours.
Furthermore, we, who grew up with skincare provided by Texaco still await your overdue thesis on how the 1970s US Oil Crisis spawned the horrifying craze for young adult models to stand around at yacht harbors and point with fascination at something out of frame which was never revealed.
Ya got work to do!
First of all, thank you for your kind, caring thoughts. They mean a lot to me. Truly. And I just love the way you brought your comment in for a landing! Hahaha! Truly delightful!