Dear Readers. I love thumbing through magazines of every kind: old, new, big, little, digested, undigested. I’ve always thought it would be fun to start up a magazine of my own. So I put My Brain Peanuts to work on it, and, Dear Readers, I think you will agree that Peanuts came up with an idea for a magazine that has a lot of potential!
Peanuts simply took a prestigious magazine like the Smithsonian:
And combined it with a cutting-edge style magazine, such as Elle:
Of course no magazine is complete without a staff of writers. The vision of my brain, Peanuts is to have Sm Elle Magazine written by the most important, Über-sophisticated, magazine writers of the 21st Century. Here’s My Brain Peanuts’s fantasy writing staff for Sm Elle Magazine:
Carreen La Leelee La Pew
Lifestyle Editor, Carreen, has been dramatically flitting to and fro between Paris and London ever since first learning how to flit at the tender age of three. In her travels, Carreen literally inhales cutting-edge lifestyle trends– and exhales them upon the very latest, cutting-edge version of her Apple Ipad.
When asked why, at such a young age, Carreen has made it to the pinnacle of magazine-writing sophistication, she explained in third person, “Carreen La Leelee La Pew his risen to the top by utilizing french words like brioche and chignon in every single sentence.
Owen Henry Charles Buckingworth, III
With a track record of not liking a single meal since 1994, Mr. Buckingworth’s taste in sophisticated cuisine — as well as his actual taste buds themselves — are so hard to please, he has only been actually full once in his life after a particularly well-done mac and cheese dinner his mother (of all people!) prepared for him when all the stars aligned on November 2, 1994 at 2:45 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
Owen Henry Charles Buckingworth, III credits his journalistic tendencies to his junior high school English teacher, Mr. Blump, who encouraged Buckingworth to enter an International Punctuation Contest, and Buckingworth took home the Winner’s Trophy — by accident — but still!
Health and Beauty Editor
For such an important and influential writer in the field of health and beauty, Carla Rothchild-Doink believes in keeping a low profile. Literally. Consequently Ms. Rothchild-Doink has never been photographed standing up.
“One’s profile is the side-view of what a person looks like from the side.” Ms. Rothchild-Doink is fond of saying and goes so far as to call this her “signature saying.”
In addition to dedicating her life to eating healthy foods, getting enough exercise, and brushing her hair a 100 times before going to bed, Carla Rothchild-Doink can be found on her days off, crawling on her hands and knees in the ocean thus keeping her hands and knees as soft as, but a little more puckered than, a baby’s.
Well, there you have it, Dear Readers! My brain, Peanuts, fantasy magazine!
Until next time . . . I love you
24 thoughts on “My Brain, Peanuts, Thinks Up a Magazine”
Buckingworth the IIIrd came into the place where I was cooking once, (post 1994)…. since I knew him by reputation, I served him a nice bowl of mutton stew, into which I had emptied an entire bottle of ex-lax chocolate squares, one of which would clear out a constipated elephant. Needless to say, our review stunk to high heaven, but it was worth every word to watch him running flat out for the restroom, ten minutes after his first bite…. and the moans that came from in there were music to our ears…. 🙂
Excellent…. and funny, too…. I’m thinking you might want to make some upgrades…. think “Peanut Butter”….. 🙂 The smooth variety, I think….
LOL Ned!! Ha! That Buckingworth really gets around. He’s got quite a reputation! He only free-lances for Sm Elle Magazine. He’s got a full time gig at Staples where he just got promoted to bladder resolution specialist, as someone who gives directions to customers who can’t find the bathroom. But I love your first-hand encounter with Mr. Buckingworth. Sm Elle Magazine will have to do a feature story on your impressions about our dear Mr. Buckworth for the next issue! 😀
Catherine doink’s signature saying is something I might have to steal and make into a bumper sticker. This post had me laughing out loud mom! I hope you add magazine mash ups to your repritour (did I spell that right) of blog topics!!!
Haha! I have no idea how to spell repatiore either! Oh I see that you called me three minutes ago. I’ll call you and we’ll discuss how to spell repitioure! 😀
If only this was offered on the list when I was selling magazine subscriptions, I woulda won that trip to Disney!
You would have Brain! Where was Sm Elle Magazine when you really needed it? What is life so cruel? What time is it? (Sorry, I’m full of questions today)
I’m already subscribed! (There was a discount coupon in last months bag of Funyons)
(That I only got around to eating this week.)
Hahahaha! I’m so glad you found the coupon. Wow! My brain, Peanuts, is really a marketing genius. Who knew?
Love your mag’s name and its entire staff. You’re too modest, though, for not giving your name as Editor In Chief.
Your health and beauty editor almost made the sweet sassafras scotch I was swigging that second swish out through my nose. Too funny how she won’t stand up in the water so she can keep a low profile!
Hahahaha! Ronnie!! Well if one must have liquids coming out of one’s nose, sassafras Scotch is definitely the beverage all the “cool” people who keep a low profile prefer! 😀
I want to be the weather editor and talk about the wind! I’m at my very best when I’ve eaten a lot of baked beans 😀
LOL Dianne!! You are now the official weather editor Dianne! Welcome aboard! Unfortunately the magazine doesn’t pay beans — but I hope you’ll accept the position anyway!
Sm Elle LOLOL! Can I just say that Peanuts is a genius? Linda, this is brilliant and so funny!!!
Carla Rothchild-Doink’s low profile – hahaha! She’s never been photographed standing up! I have to come up with a signature saying… What can it be…? .
I think featuring Al Gore in the first issue is very smart – when I think of Al Gore I smell Funyons. Your readers will enjoy inhaling his many inventions, like global warming and the Internet.
Can this be delivered to London as part of the subscription? If not, Carreen La Leelee La Pew can bring me a copy when she is flitting.
She could couldn’t she? But if you move to BC, you’ll have to pay Canadian prices and for some reason, we have to charge double for each issue. So it would be $550 per issue. But a great value even at that.
That’s exactly my magazine budget for when I move, it will mean I can no longer subscribe to Pigeon Fancier Monthly though. Sign me up!
Haha! You are definitely signed up Joe. Pigeon Fancier Monthly is a subsidiary of Sm Elle Magazine. So we’ll throw that one in too!
I dated Ms. Rothchild-Doink. I had to end it; everytime someone pulled a camera out, she would sprawl on the floor. We didn’t make it more than fifty feet inside Disneyland before the day was over.
Hahahaha! Why doesn’t that surprised me?
Oh man, laughing here. I’m behind on my blog-reading, so glad this one gave me a good laugh on Saturday morning before I start cleaning the bathroom 🙂
Haha! So glad I could get your bathroom cleaning off to a jolly start! LOL!! D
Odor! Er, I mean: Oh, dear!! I hope your new mag isn’t going to cut down on your blogging. Oh wait, that’s right, you’re delegating the mag to Peanuts. I sometimes forget that your massive, devious brain exists as a separate entity– what a team you guys make!
When I read: “Does it stink in here, or is it just me?”, I spit out an entire bag of Funyuns!! (Al has explained to me that taking extremely large handfuls helps one consume more efficiently, and poses less danger to the environment.)
Magnifico, maestro!! : )
Ahahaha! Mark!! I’m so glad Al explained the ins and outs of large handfuls of Funyuns consumption as it pertains to the en-vi-ron-ment which he loves almost as much as his beloved Funyuns.
He deserves another prize of some sort. One better than the stupid ol’ academy award no bell prize which he wasn’t even that happy about because he was hoping for a bell. Let’s surprise him with a new award. Maybe the Golden Funyun Award! Now that would make his eyes light up like two burnt out lightbulbs!