Welcome Dear Readers. I thought it would be fun to catch up on some breaking news in the world of Archaeology. (I’ve taken the liberty of making up all of the facts and figures to make things a tad more interesting for you.)
15,000-Year-Old Fishing Village Discovered
On the count of three, a team of French Archaeologist’s unearthed a 15,000-year-old fishing village off the coast of Nip, Antarctica, suggesting that early Neolithic fishermen fishing off the coast of Nip were just as cold then as they are now.
The discovery was made by Jacques Pierre Jacques, a leading French Archaeologist who has been carefully sifting through snow looking for telltale signs of a 15,000-year-old fishing village for the last 27 years.
Last week, his dedication was finally rewarded when he came across several 15,000-year-old snowballs, and what appeared to be several fishing poles crudely fashioned out of 15,000-year-old snow.
Further excavation revealed an entire village of snow huts containing snow furniture, snow utensils and even primitive, beaded jewelry made entirely of snow.
The team of highly-paid, French Archaeologists will be returning to Yoplait, France with their findings where they will be performing further tests on the 15,000-year-old, snow artifacts using the latest in Magnetic Resonance Imaging. The entire team is working together to keep their fingers crossed to ensure the snow does not melt.
Was the Ice Man Coming or Going?
A Team of French Archaeologists have begun a 42-year study of Otzi, the ice man who was discovered under an extremely large pile of snow in the Alps in 1991, and who, prior to that, hadn’t shown up for dinner for approximately 6,000 years.
Experts believe that Otzi was from a nearby Neolithic farming village where a rock was recently discovered with 6,000-year-old carvings scrawled onto it.
A team of highly-paid, French Neolithic Scrawl Experts were called to the scene by French Archaeologist Pierre Jacques Pierre –and after several years of research — they were finally able to translate the scrawls as: a quart of ibex milk, a pound of yak butter and a dozen eggs from any animal that happens to be laying them.
Using the latest in Magnetic Resonance Imaging, the team of highly-paid, French Archaeologists are hoping that it will take at least 42 years to determine whether the 6,000 year old ice man was just leaving for the store or was just coming home from the store.
Tooth Marks Thought to Be Those of Leonardo Di Vinci
A Team of French Archaeologists have been debating whether the tooth marks embedded in a 500-year-old chocolate chip cookie found underneath a cushion of an authentic Louis the XIV sofa (currently belonging to Jacques Pierre Jacques) are indeed those of Leonardo Di Vinci or those of Jacques Pierre Jacques’s brother-in-law, Pierre Jacques Pierre, who was visiting last week and complained of hunger pangs.
Using the very latest in Magnetic Resonance Imaging the team of highly-paid, French Archaeologists are hoping to have the answer before the end of the next century.
And there you have it, Dear Readers, the latest in the world of archaeology. Now go have a great day and try not to eat any cookies you find between the cushions of any couch older than ten years before asking.
Until next time . . . I love you