Gregory’s Bible Stories: Adam Finds Love on Rib.com


Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories. Today in Sunday school Gregory learned about what happened when Eve moved into the Garden of Eden with Adam.

Gregory's Bible StoriesAdam Finds Love on Rib.com

When God was done forming woman out of Adam’s rib, he showed her to Adam and Adam said, “At last, here is one of my own kind.”  And he was secretly relieved she looked nothing like a platypus.

Adam’s New Wife

The first thing Eve did was give Adam her very best come hither look.  After Adam hithered, she gave Adam a long list of things that needed to be done around the garden and then gave him her best go hither look and Adam went.

Adam's Awkward First Date

Enter the Snake

Then Eve decided to go for a jog to burn off some of the cheesecake fruit she had just eaten, when she came across a snake who had just consumed a bull.  In those days snakes were always full of bull.

Then the snake started talking and asked Eve if the rumor was true that God had told Adam and Eve not to eat any fruit in the garden.  At this point, Eve didn’t see a “talking snake” as a red flag.  She was a trusting sort — as people who used to be ribs often are.

Eve carefully explained to the snake that God said they could eat any fruit except for the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden.  The snake looked at Eve and knitted his eyebrows together questioningly.   (In those days snakes not only had eyebrows; they could also knit.)

“That’s not true, you will not die,” said the snake.  “God said that because He knows that when you eat that particular fruit you will be like God and know what is good and what is bad.”

“Well, you certainly seem to know a lot about trees, Snake,” Eve said. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to know if there’s any chocolate cupcake trees around here anywhere would you?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.” The snake answered. “That’s the one in the middle of the garden.”

“Seriously?”

“Absotively!  But God said you can’t eat from it so I guess it’s a mute point,”  the snake threw out there to see if it would stick.

Then, having successfully tempted Eve, the snake slithered away like he was all that and a bag of potatoes. (This was way before potato chips.)

Eve ran over to the chocolate cupcake tree and saw how beautiful it was growing there in the middle of the garden, it’s chocolate frosting glistening in the sunlight.  So she took some of the fruit and ate it and gave some to her husband and he also ate it.

Adam and Eve and the Cupcake Tree

Adam and Eve’s Sudden Understanding

Then Adam and Eve suddenly understood five things:  1) they suddenly understood they were naked 2) they suddenly understood they were going to have to sew some fig leaves together to make some clothes 3) they suddenly understood how to use the sewing machine 4) they suddenly understood chocolate cupcake fruit would go much better with a nice ice-cold glass of milk 5) they suddenly understood it was a big mistake to have eaten the cow.

Well that’s all the time Gregory had to tell us about his lesson in Sunday school today, Dear Readers, but check back next week to find out what happens when God sees chocolate cupcake crumbs on Adam and Eve’s faces.

Until next time . . . I love you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

13 thoughts on “Gregory’s Bible Stories: Adam Finds Love on Rib.com

  1. Having been thoroughly uplifted by today’s biblical lesson I did try ‘Love.com’ but to no avail as the server was down, the tree was shedding its leaves and awaiting a new batch of cup cakes from mother nature who was actually on strike because of the price of chocolate, so in the end the snake and I shared a cheese sandwich and thanked our stars there was no one about to give us a ‘hithering’ look. Spiritually satisfying as always Linda.

  2. Rib.com a place to find love with only minor surgery required.

    I hope Eve knew how to use the sewing machine better than you and I! Otherwise her fig leave pants would have an extra leg hole where the waist should be.

  3. I can just see chocolate all over the guilty little faces (as napkins had not yet been created) and God saying, “Who ate the cupcake?” Poor Adam. He didn’t even have a shirt sleeve to wipe his dirty face on. I wonder if there was any poison ivy in the Garden?

    • UH oh! I bet there was poison ivy! Just between you and me I wouldn’t be surprised if Adam and Eve were secretly happy to get kicked out of the Garden of Eden — while they were still rash free!

  4. Linda, my dear,
    In noting the general theme of many of the responses, it’s clear to me you wrote this one because you bought stock in chocolate futures, or barrels, or whatever those are… right? Shares of chocolate should go up immediately…

    I mean, it’s brilliant, and all, but, a chocolate cupcake tree? How Xanthish! You’re right, of course, except for the snake part… Recent anthropological evidence reveals that the original copy of the Bible said Steak, not Snake…. and the knowledge of, not good and evil, but, food and beverage….so, all the slithering stuff is a bunch of bilge water, thrown in by the Methodists during their schism with the Baptists & so forth…. Have I slipped to far into complete and utter insanity yet?

    Sorry, Gregory’s Sunday stories tend to wind me up a bit… Another fine episode…

    See ya

    gigoid, the dubious

    😎

    • Dubious One,
      You have indeed slipped into complete and utter insanity and what’s not to love about that? It is clear to me that with your explanation of snake meaning steak (that giant slapping sound you’re hearing btw is biblical scholars around the world slapping their foreheads in one big collective “Duh”.) instead of “snake” you have either inadvertently or vertently stumbled upon the meaning of life and or the meaning of cupcake or possibly both!

      You have outdone yourself with this comment. I am especially in awe of how you manged to work in the word schism, a word whose popularity has waned of late. But then again “waned” has waned as well. Which just goes to show you . . . well I have no idea what it just goes to show you. I sure am feeling hungry for a steak though, if that means anything.

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