11 Ways to Tell If You’re Spending Too Much Time with Your Horse

When someone asks you your age, you respond by stomping one foot the appropriate number of times.

" . . . 37, 38, 39, 40  . . . " "Okay, Okay, you know what?  I don't even care anymore."
37, 38, 39, 40 . . . 
“Okay, Okay, you know what? I don’t even care anymore.”

Instead of using a mirror, you’ve taken to applying your makeup in the reflection of your horse’s eye.

You're going to wear that much blush, seriously?
You’re going to wear that much blush, seriously?

You think the best thing anybody could ever do is bale on you!

“What? For moi? THANK YOU!”

You often miss work due to coming up lame.

No I didn't say I can't come to work because I'm lame.  I can't come in because I came up lame.  What's that? Yes, there's a difference!
No I didn’t say I can’t come in because I’m so lame. I said I can’t come in because I came UP lame. What’s that? Yes, there’s a difference!

Sometimes you secretly want to bite your hairdresser when she’s brushing your hair.

I could so totally bite her right now.

All your shopping trips are reduced to the same question: Where can I find the carrots?

"Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Yeah pretty much."
“Did you find everything you were looking for?”
“Yeah pretty much.”

You’ve taken to nailing your shoes on too!

“Oh yeah they hurt . . . but they won’t come off!”

The term branding has taken on a whole new meaning (and it’s something you’re seriously considering).

“No wait!  I said I’m just considering it!

You want with all your heart for two plus two to equus four.

Anyone? Anyone?
“2 + 2 equus . . . Anyone? Anyone?”

If startled; you’ve been known to start a stampede.

“What was that noise?  I’m getting out of here!”
“Me too!”
“Me too!”
“Me too!”
“Me too!”

And finally:

You’re thinking about changing your business cards from entrepreneur to entremanure.

“Yes, may I please speak to the Entremanure?”


Until next time . . . I love you

14 thoughts on “11 Ways to Tell If You’re Spending Too Much Time with Your Horse

  1. Your wordplay was so much fun and made me “Whinny” in delight. Especially entrepreneurs and replacing with manure. I do think some businesses do this (figuratively)!

  2. A horse is a horse, of course, of course. It was Wilbur Post was the original person who spent too much time with his horse while he had a great-looking wife waiting for him. I guess this is why. Funny stuff!

  3. I don’t mean to NAG, but I too have a penchant for carrots. Does that make me a horse? I say neigh it does not. So you Mustang got to wrong. Well I better reign in my comment before I stirrup more emotions…

    • I haven’t heard that many puns about horses since I watched an old Mule Brenner movie. Okay, I realize I was really reaching for that one but what can I say? I just ran out of raisin/crack cookies!

    • Wait a minute . . . I just realized that neigh is in the word neighbor. I can’t think of any reason why that would be so unless when language was developed we were all living in stalls. That must be it.

  4. “Bale” is good; Where’s de carrots; nail on yer shoes; 2 + 2 equus 4; start a stampede; entremanure… this wunnaful post made me bray like a donkey!! OK, said reaction doesn’t quite align with the post theme, but it’s inna corral!! Superb, my dear Linda! I was snorting and whinnying and stompin’ my hooves to beat the band!! I’m a-gorn mount a campaign ta gitcha declared Humor Lariat– I mean, Laureate– of Cyberspace!! Thanks a heap o’ horse apples for the laffs, and sorry to be so long away from the barn– er, blog!! : )

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