What the Scientists are Thinking About

Hello Dear Readers! Well it’s Monday morning again and time to check in to see what our scientists have been thinking about!

Neaderthals conversation Linda Vernon Humor
“Why you no eat?”
“Me too busy looking at bug in sand.”

Neanderthals Large Eyes Caused Their Demise

After much finger tapping during an impressive stint of scholarly thinking, British researchers have come to the conclusion that Neanderthal became extinct because their eyes were too large.

This conclusion was published in an actual magazine called, Proceedings of the Royal Society B, thus instantly transforming the British researchers’ Neanderthal Big Eye Extinction Theory into a solid scientific fact.

Touted as the biggest idea to hit the British Researcher circuit since the landmark decision that the “h” in Neanderthal is silent, British researchers are giddy over the idea that they have been able to think up something else so good, so soon!

After measuring the eye-sockets of 32 Neanderthal skulls, Eiluned Pierce of Oxford University found they were definitely larger than they should be.  A finding that dovetails nicely with an earlier theory thought up by British Researchers that Neanderthal’s eyes were bigger because Neanderthal lived in Europe, which is way cloudier, making it much harder to see, thus their eyes got bigger and bigger until they were able to see too good.

This caused the Neanderthal to spend so much time admiring the details of fern leaves and other prehistoric things, they completely forgot what their names were and how to eat.

“We infer the  Neanderthals’ more visually focused brain structure might also have affected their ability to form larger groups – if you live in a larger group, you need a larger brain in order to process all those extra relationships,” Professor Chris Stringer of the Natural History Museum of London — who has 20/20 vision, and who has lived alone in a one-room apartment his entire adult life — speculated.

Al Gore, The One-thousand Billion Million Trillion Man
What, Me Worry?

The Human Race is Getting Dumber and Dumber

“The human race is getting dumber and dumber and losing their cognitive abilities and becoming more emotionally unstable.”  Stanford University researcher, Dr. Gerald Crabtree has decided to say for lack of thinking up anything better to say.

“People with specific adverse genetic mutations are more likely than ever to survive and live amongst the ‘strong.’  Darwin’s survival of the fittest is less applicable in today’s society.” Dr. Crabtree explained after looking up the meaning of the words ‘mutation’, ‘genetic’, and ‘applicable’ and then googling to find out who the heck Darwin was.

Galileo Galilei Linda Vernon Humor
Galileo “El Guapo” Galilei

People of Today Are Just Like the People Back in The Day!

Research teams from Royal Holloway, the British Library and Reading University headed by Professor Jane Everson have discovered — after exhaustively rifling through the boxes in the British Museum basement labeled 16th and 17th century —  that people back in the 16th and 17th centuries were just exactly like the people of today!

“Just as we create user names for our profiles on Facebook and Twitter and create circles of friends on Google plus, these scholars created nicknames, shared and commented on topical ideas, news of the day and exchanged poems, music and plays — just like we do — only instead of using the internet, they used the mail!” Professor Jane Everson effervesced breathlessly.

The researchers are taking great delight in decoding the nicknames that the 16th and 17th century scholars used — a task that may take years.

However,  to ensure that what the researchers are being paid to do this is well worth it, they plan to use only words that have three or more syllables when writing up their findings for Proceedings of the Royal Society B.

And there you have it Dear Readers!  Our weekly glimpse into the scientific minds of our scientific community!

Until next time . . . I love you

31 thoughts on “What the Scientists are Thinking About

  1. I love that it’s groundbreaking that people in the 16th and 17th centuries communicated about things like…. personal interests and hobbies to one another… via the only communication system available… the mail. WOW! How revolutionary! 😉

  2. Fantastic, lady! I suspected that “early man,” if there ever was such a man, perished because of the size of the female’s mouth rather than the largeness of the man’s eyes…(kidding).

    However, I’m giddy over the recent “discovery” that there may have been water on Mars at one time. However, I refuse to believe it until they can show me the decayed body of the Sparkletts delivery man!

    Take care, lady!

    • LOL!! Well one thing I’d be willing to bet is that Neanderthal’s eyes were bigger than his stomach! 😀

      And I wouldn’t be surprised if NASA came across the Sparkletts delivery man one of these days. Hey maybe that explains the Face on Mars!! 😀

      • I’ve lost all confidence in the Mars Rover. Just after the story about finding “water,” the report came that the Rover would be standing by for a few days…waiting for repairs!

        The dang thing is broken, and we’re supposed to trust its findings? I think not…

        That face on Mars is simply the reflection of all the beautiful people who have gazed upon it with love in their hearts! (“aww,” come on now…”aww!”)

        AND…as for the fact Mars is made of cheese, we’ll need to look for the Velveeta man after we try to find the Sparkletts guy!

        Have a great one…
        Skip 🙂 😉 xo

        (Linda, what does :3 mean?)

        • Ha! Very good summary of the Space Program, Skip. I think you should apply for a job at Nasa, or, failing that, apply for the position of Velveeta Man!! HA! (I have no idea what :3 means. I think it means I’m a horrible typist!! HA! :D)

          • You know, I messed that one up to. It’s the moon, not Mars, they say is made of cheese! Guess NASA stands for:
            (Not A Skip Agency)!

            Oh well, it would have been a good job. I hear working there is “outta sight!” (Remember that one? Ouch…dated myself with that).

            I’ll investigate that :3 thing and get back to you. Take care…

            Skip 🙂 xo

            • Haha! I do indeed remember outta sight. I think I actually used that phrase from time to time. When I wasn’t using Far Out!!

              Not A Skip Agency!! I always wondered what NASA stood for! 😀

              Have a good weekend Skip! 😀

              • Groovy, baby! You are like way far out, little lady. I’ll bet you have some great “people” (mom’s and dads)!

                Well, gotta boogie. Make sure to keep things smoooth! Whew, we did sound rather peculair in those days…

                Well, I gotta go. Have a good weekend yourself,
                Skip 🙂 xo

  3. The “h” is silent? 😯

    So, was your mother frightened by Al Gore when she was pregnant with you? It’s the only thing I can come up with to explain your seeming obsession with him…. 😕 ❓

    “Dr. Crabtree explained after looking up the meaning of the words ‘mutation’, ‘genetic’, and ‘applicable’ and then googling to find out who the heck Darwin was.” 😆 I love this! So true of modern science outside NASA… 😛

    Getting better all the time, my dear…. 😀

    • Oh thank you Ned. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. And as far as Al Gore goes, I was actually frightened by him when I went to see him live at Evergreen Oil in Newark back when he was first running for VP with Clinton. I gotta say I was extremely underwhelmed. He seemed more like the assistant manager of Sears than a Vice Presidential Candidate but then I suppose that’s the main criteria for being chosen as a running mate.

      I noticed they are pronouncing Neanderthal Neandertal on the science channels now. Well I guess if it makes them happy . . . 😀

      • I knew it had to be some personal incident of a frightening nature… Oh well, it’s too bad his unfortunate style and demeanor is such that it detracts from his credibility… The film he was part of, A Plain Truth, about the problem of global warming and climate change, was perhaps the best hope we had of spreading the message that needs to be heard everywhere in the world, clear and concise, and all true as the day… and now, it may be too late… Also, he never said he invented the internet, he said he was there when it was invented, and he was only responsible for sponsoring it and driving the political necessities…. which, in fact, is all true as well…. it’s just that nobody believes him because he sounds so weird…
        Are scientists ever happy? I think that’s why they are scientists… always looking for happiness, and getting distracted… 😀

        • Hey wait a minute!!! What are you trying to say Ned? That Al Gore didn’t invent the internet? Well he was tinkering around with something down there in the white house basement back in 1999. Maybe it was just the vice presidential toaster that he made some modifications to and everybody just assumed he was inventing the internet. It’s a simple mistake. I’ve made it myself from time to time. Now, if you tell me that Al Gore doesn’t eat Funyuns, you will be single-handedly destroying my faith in mankind, just so you know. LOL!!

          (I guess what it all boils down to is that a humor writer’s mission is not to reason why; it is to willfully misunderstand!)

  4. LOL! The idea of user names in the 16th and 17th century really makes me laugh!! Galileo “El Guapo” Galilei – haha! And that picture of Al Gore is way too perfect! He looks like he’s contemplating his next shipment of Funyuns!

  5. Brilliant, Linda! People of today are just like the people back in the day reminded me of a question my nephew asked me a few years back. He said, ‘what was it like when everything was black and white?’ erm – I wasn’t sure what he was talking about until I saw he was looking at old back and white photos of when me and my siblings were babies! 😀

    • Ahahah! That is so funny!! But it does make a lot of sense. All the old black and white tv shows and pictures I can see how he might make that mistake. I remember one time asking my Grandmother what life was like in the roaring twenties and she said, just like it is now. I remember being shocked over that answer. Ha! I think I thought everything was in sepia! HA!

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