Dear Readers! Good News! I am overwhelmed to announce that one brave blogger has stepped up to this blog’s story-writing challenge by using not just one . . . not just two . . . but ALL TEN WRITING PROMPTS! which were presented here yesterday.
Who is this Death-Defying Wordsmith? This Participle-Dangling Daredevil? This Purger of Profundity? (Okay I’ll stop now.)
Why it’s none other than our Beloved, El Guapo, The Friday Foolishness Frontiersman of WordPress!
The Adventures of El Guapo and His Side-kick, Abraham Lincoln
1) Abraham Lincoln was using his axe to prune the Rhododendron. He was doing this because he was grumpy that when he was done he would need to transplant an organ at the church. Then he was grumpy for the sake of being grumpy for the number 2 (2) and no reason besides that.
While it was odd that Abe Lincoln was out doing this kind of work (especially in the 21st century, it really was his own fault. (3) He had shot the gardener, Fats, (Fats had a green thumb.) (Literally, as he was an alien.), in the Skinny part of his throat after Fats told him he could no longer wear the Hideous stove-pipe hat.
He also shot him because Fats had a Tragically awful habit of capitalizing adjectives. It was later that afternoon that Abe realized Fats may have been so skinny due to genetics, or possibly because of a tragic accident. (That was after he saw a (4) steamroller flatten a poor woman from something resembling a Sputnik to something the thickness of a harpsichord.) (The sight almost ruined his lunch. “Oy Vey” he lamented into his tibbs and pickles sandwich at his favorite sandwich shop, They Call Me Mr Tibbs.) (But his appetite came back since he was so tired. Organ transplanting really”takes it out of you”) Editor’s note: Author has been slapped for that awful joke above.
After lunch, Abe went to see his friend (5) Hum Cwart, who he always called Kumquat. Even though Hum wasn’t green or an alien. It’s a sad fact that Hum couldn’t see Abe, or even see that Abe was mispronouncing the name. But that’s another story. The fifth, I believe. Now for those who don’t know, Abe was a statesman, known best for his dealings with the Chinese. Or at least General Tso, and his delightful companions known as (6)Wang-Lang and Lang-Wang.
He never knew their last names because they never used them. Now, as it happens, since they gave up smoking, the Ang-Angs (as Abe called them) became dress makers. They made dresses because they could test them by dancing in them to work off all the nervous energy from not smoking. They made a dress for their dear client (7) Lucy.
As a surprise, her husband Ricky picked it up, and the Ang-Angs told him that even though it was expensive, it was their best dunce dress. Ricky was so angry, and dragged Lucy into the store yelling at her for buying a stupid dress. Realizing the misunderstanding, the Ang-Angs donned the dress (together, for they were very thin), and demonstrated it was a “dance” dress, being careful this time to enunciate. Ricky was so ashamed, but Lucy said the studio audience loved it and off they went. As the Ang-Angs were reminiscing,
Abe interrupted, saying “Something smells rotten in Denmark”. Most people would say that was a euphemism, but Abe was well known for his scenting ability and the prowess of his schnoz. In fact, he had famously versed (8) “The nose knows the woes of those what owes the toes”, which was accepted as very profound by those who had no idea what the hell he was talking about.
What Abe, in fact, would have loved to be talking about was (9) women behind women behind woman, all oiled up. But Abe was shy and didn’t think that kind of talk was appropriate in mixed company, shaken or stirred. So with nothing left to do, (10) Abe mounted his trusty horse, Glue, and headed back to the 1850s to invent the stapler.
For their efforts, I am officially awarding El Guapo and his sidekick, Abraham Lincoln, this hastily made much coveted trophy:
I think you’ll agree that nobody deserves this trophy more than El Guapo — with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln.
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
EGAD! It’s like having my name in lights!
I’m humbled to have my story vetted and posted by all the Linda Vernons at Linda Vernon Humor, and thanks so much for the award!
(Abe says he’d like to take you to the movies.)
(But not a play.)
You are most wecome Guap! I got such a kick out of your story!!
LOL! That Abe, always with the jokes! 😀
Not like- LOVE! Who knew Abe Lincoln was such a renaissance man? WAY TO GO EL GUAPO!
All residents of Queens, NY are required to learn about Abe’s unknown history, because of the Swingline Stapler factory in town.
Can I have your autograph El Guapo?? That was awesome!
I’ll send it to you in usual medium – written in glue and coated with muticolor sparkles! (Suitable for magnetizing to your refrigerator.)
sounds good to me! you could get Lincoln to add something to it as well, that would be great!
hahaha! Maybe we could get some whiskers from his beard!:D
sounds like a plan!
:D!
Haha! El Guapo!! I’m just surprised Spielberg didn’t choose to highlight any of these exciting story lines in his film,”Lincoln.” Maybe the movie wouldn’t have been quite so boring had we been able to enjoy the whole Chinese angle? Just sayin’….
Congratulations Guapo! This was hilarious and worthy of a Linda Vernon blog debut. 😀
Thanks Grippy!
Sadly, Speilberg was all revisionist history with “Great man”, and “Hero to millions”.
Typical Hollywood…
LOL! I think that movie definitely needed a Chinese Angle. Maybe think Grippy and Guapo could team up to rewrite the screenplay! 😀
I think you may be onto something, something big, like Al Gore’s head! Haha!
hahahah! 😀
Bravo.. El Guapo The workings of the ‘creative’ mind… you and Linda ! Diane
Thank you, Diane.
(To be honest, I read Linda’s post at work,and writing this was the only productive thing I did there all day.)
I like ‘honest’ 😉 Diane
Maybe Guap and I should start a Vaudeville act . . . 😀
I am so confused! But avant garde has never been my strength. Well done….
Yes! I’ll call it avant-garde!
(Because if you can’t beat em, confuse em.)
By confusing them, you have, indeed, beaten them. Mentally, if nothing else.
It’s very Zen, actually.
Or Looney Tunes.
One or the other…
Same thing.
I have to go with ZenLooney! I hope Guap will consider coming out with a line of merchandise. I’d love to have some ZenLooney PJs.
The first design will be Gandhi with a comical expression dodging falling anvils!
Ahahahahaha! SOLD!!
Excellent story, El Guapo, and one the definitely needed to be told. So much rich history there I think we need to persuade Ken Burns to film a documentary on the subject.
Alas, Ken Burns won’t take my calls anymore.
but I still have faith in the story of “Jellyfish: Evolutions Little Pranksters”.
Either that or make it ourselves. I’m thinking miniseries.
Yeah to Guaps & he even included his favorite characters Ricky Ricardo & Lucy!
Haha! I love him for that! 😀
Sheer gene-ius 🙂 What fun!
He really is a genius plus!! 😀