My Brain, Peanuts, Red Alert!!!
Warning! Warning! Warning!
Errrrr! Errrrr! Errrrr!
Dear Readers, This is a 7-Points Bulletin!
If you are traveling in state of California on freeway 101 today, anywhere between San Francisco and Los Angeles going north or south, east or west BEWARE!
Traffic may be unusually slow, possibly backed up for hours due to a Little Old Lady Granny Driver operating under the often misguided direction of her brain, Peanuts, who is going on a road trip to visit her daughter, Jackie’s family and her new grandson, Henry!
Be on the look out for and steer clear of the following:
1)
Any woman who looks old enough to receive AARP and pre-paid cremation opportunities in her junk mail — and who is traveling south (God willing, but possibly north if her brain, Peanuts, freaks and takes the wrong exit) in a little blue car with a bumper sticker that says: What Happens at Grandmas, Stays at Grandmas.
2)
Should you be unlucky enough to come up behind Granny, tailgate at your own risk — as she will turn on her windshield cleaner spray (she’s not as nice as she looks) and pretend for all the world like she is simply getting the bugs off her windshield, but in reality is passively aggressively getting your windshield wet on purpose in an attempt to punish you for not driving as safely as she thinks you should.
3)
Should she suddenly slam on her brakes in the middle of the freeway, do not be alarmed, there is nothing wrong with granny’s car, it will simply mean she was listening to a CD of Herb Albert and the Tijuana brass and her brain, Peanuts, mistook one of trumpet solos for the horn of an alarmed motorist.
4)
Granny will no doubt be traveling in the slow lane, wedged between two trucks — either because she is too afraid to change lanes or because she is pretending she is in a convoy again. Probably both.
5)
If you should see this woman driving around the mean streets of some drug n’ thug neighborhood in any town between San Francisco and Los Angeles, it will not mean that Granny is trying to “score” some illegal substances. It will simply mean that, once again, her brain, Peanuts, picked the worst possible exit to try to find a restroom.
6)
Four or five hours into the trip you may see granny pulled over to the side of the road being issued a speeding ticket. This will mean her brain, Peanuts, finally became so desensitized and bored with driving on the freeway that her brain, Peanuts, only noticed the number 88 on her speedometer when she saw the flashing red light tailgating her.
7)
Let’s just hope and pray her brain, Peanuts, had enough sense not to turn on the windshield cleaner spray!
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Happily I’m in Indiana, well out of the danger zone…. 🙂
Oh thank goodness! The stars are in your favor today! HA! 😀
We hardly know each other, how is it you’re talking about my habits on the road.
I don’t know what’s wrong with putting on a large bumper sticker announcing, “Granny’s Driving Today” or “Don’t Tick off Granny Today”. I enjoyed this post. Thanks for stopping by. Have a nice drive and visit.
I would definitely buy those bumper stickers! I would also like a sign to hold up that says, “Oops! Sorry my bad!” Just to cover all my bases and keep from getting shot and or run off the road! HA! 😀
Delightful Linda. I would like some of those ‘ what happens at grandpas stays at grandpas’ stickers to remind my gkids of the grandparents frailties of mind.
Hahaha! That’s definitely another way to look at it, Summers! HA! 😀
I think Granny needs a limo and driver…
And a shot of whiskey!
that would also be helpful!!
Im traveling – the other direction and Im staying away from 1, 5, 99 and 101
hugs
That should keep you safe. But I can’t guarantee it. Peanuts has been known to get pretty lost. One time I got lost horrible lost in central CA down by Fresno in a little town where no one spoke English. I finally found a mini-mart where the clerk went into the back room to get the guy who spoke English (the only person in town who did so I think.
I asked him if he could give me directions to Sonora (Ca) and he thought I meant Sonora Mexico. Luckily I didn’t have enough gas to get there or I would be writing this comment in Spanish.
We can’t wait to see you mom! I expect you to arrive sometime in the next few days with a broken arm and missing a side mirror.
LOL! No that’s probably how I’ll be leaving! 😀
LOL! No that’s probably how I’ll be leaving! 😀
Good luck to all who may enter the zone of Linda’s brain, Peanuts! Hopefully there will be a live grandma showing up to visit the sort of new little one…
🙂
Hahaha! I’m happy to report I made it safe and sound to my daugher’s house, BuddaKat! 😀 Phew!
Are you still getting those AARP cremation notices… You should mark on them ‘return to sender…. deceased’…. Diane
LOL!! I am definitely going to do that! Oh I can’t wait for the next one to come! *rubbing my hands together*
Hahaha!!!! The windshield wiper spray!!! This is so funny, Linda! I especially love that you were able to find use for the word “convoy.” Lol!!!
Henry is precious. What a little gem. He’s beautiful and so is his proud mother. That’s a great picture. Jackie looks so happy and pleased to be a mom. 🙂
I know I’m getting to this late, Granny, but travel safe and keep the Herb Albert at a reasonable volume. I know how that Tijuana Brass can put you in a trance.
Have fun!!! I know you will!!! 😀
xoxo!
Oh you are so right, Lisa, Jackie is so happy to be a mom and I can tell she is enjoying every mnute of it. I am so happy for her and Henry is a sweet little guy! Oh we are having so much fun!
HA! Yes “convoy” is one of those 70s words for sure! i may have to get a CB radio for the trip home. (breaker breaker)
HA! 😀 xoxo
Granny is another word for a domestic troublemaker. Couldn’t use the word I wanted because it would have got the defenders excited for no reason.
Granny a domestic troublemaker! HA! I’ve never heard it ut quite that way, but I like it Joe! Yeah it has a nice ring to it! 😀
Just show Peanuts the beautiful of daughter and grandson as a distraction.
(And tape down the windshield fluid button.)
(For all our sakes.)
As for me, I’ll stay on the NYC roads where it’s safe.
Think about that for a sec!
You guys need yourselves an East Coast version of my brain, Peanuts to add some drama to your daily traffic commute!! Maybe Peanuts and will have to visit the Big Apple one of some day and rent a car. Now where is te big apple again? Pennsylvania?
Hey, I think I’ve seen you driving!! 🙂 Hope your visit is safe, you get to spend quality time with your family and you don’t have to use your windshield sprayer on the trip home.
Haha! Thanks Shawn! I actually had a great time with everyone. As far as the driving goes, well . . . I just wish somebody would hurry up and invent the transporter like they have on Star Trek!
Awww, c ongrats on the new baby 🙂
Oh thank you so much! I get to see him this weekend too! Yahoo! 😀