Welcome Dear Reader! Well, guess what? The Patronizing Noodle Lady has decided to pay a visit to the blog.
The Patronizing Noodle Lady first showed up in this picture in one of my old cookbooks.
Since then she seems to have wiggled her way out of the photo to become:
The Patronizing Noodle Lady
Today the Patronizing Noodle Lady will set us straight about How to Use Spices by reviewing with us this booklet from the 1958 American Spice Association, a pamphlet written by none other than the The Patronizing Noodle Lady!
What’s that Patronizing Noodle Lady? You want us to open to the first page by opening the cover and then flipping to the page #1. Uh. Okay we’ll try!
Patronizing Noodle Lady please rest assured that even though our interest in spices developed somewhere . . . somehow . . . we had absolutely no idea what was going on and just totally lucked into whatever interest we’ve shown. We were more than likely hallucinating when we saw ourselves as truly glamorous cooks!
Believe us when we tell you, Noodle Lady, that there is absolutely no “mysterious” and difficult feeling we’ve ever had (with the possible exception of getting sucked into a jet engine or falling into a pit of snakes) that is worse than not handling each spice correctly!
Patronizing Noodle Lady you must believe us when we say that we have been trying our whole lives not to confuse the word “spice” with the word “hot’ but it’s just so difficult. We’re always getting them mixed up which is probably why Aunt Martha died from that stomach ache we tried to help her with last week when we suggest she add four pounds of cayenne pepper to her oatmeal. Darn! That’s what we get for guessing!
Patronizing Noodle Lady! Please! Tamper with the basic ingredients! We would never dream of such a thing even if it is according to the dictates of our own imaginations. (As you have so generously allowed us! Thank you btw!) In fact, we will be happy to swear on a stack of cookbooks that we will never — under any circumstances — tamper with basic ingredients or we will swallow an entire tin of cinnamon with an Oregano chaser so help us Julia Child!
Relax? How can we relax with all this pressure we’re under. You wouldn’t happen to have any spices that would help us relax would you Patronizing Noodle Lady? Oh and just one quick question: Do we have to have a college degree to become an expert in the use of spices?
Alright!!! If we start right now using spices with only our high school diplomas, how long will it be before spices will not have any secrets from us? . . . Hello? Patronizing Noodle Lady? Did you hear us? Patronizing Noodle Lady?
Well, Dear Readers, it looks like the Patronizing Noodle Lady has quit answering us because she no doubt has more important people to see and better blogs to visit. But don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll come back soon as there are plenty of things we still need to be set straight on.
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
How can you be so sure the Patronizing Noodle Lady will come back soon ? Say …. hold on. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you and her in a room at the same time. And at one time weren’t you a reporter for The Daily Plant, working the Schilling beat ? I’ve always suspected that you have super powers, Linda. Oops. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.
Shhhh . . . Oh great. Thank you very much Nick Kent. Now I’m going to have to ask Superman, yet again, to reverse the rotation of the earth so that none of this ever happened. You are too shrewd Mr. Kent.
Ha! This is hilarious! So glad I stumbled on your site today… definitely needed the laugh!
Oh thank you! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
The PNL is as spicy as they come– especially her hairdo and that wild bodice that shows off her veins and capillaries to advantage!! This post put the kaboodle on my noodle!! 😂