Flipping through my husband, 37’s Scientific American, this quote popped out at me (I don’t think it was trying to hurt me . . . just overly excited):
“We could be sitting in the midst of a “Galaxy-Wide Web’ of alien chatter, which to us would appear like noise.” — Grant Hallman Huntsville, Ontario
Grant Hollman, Scientific American Letter to the Editor Writer
SETI — not a very good acronym forSearch for Extraterrestrial Intelligence — is trying to discover an extraterrestrial civilization outside our solar system — right this very minute — by listening with all their might for non-natural radio emissions. So far their findings are zilch.
A picture of zilch (ignore kitty)
But now, we find out that Grant Hallman of Huntsville Ontario,whose credentials are that his letter to the editor was published in Scientific American — thinks that aliens could be chattering away at us right this very minute– blabbing all kinds of juicy secrets, but to us humans it sounds like just your regular, ordinary, household noise, see.
Well thanks a heap Grant! Like we weren’t confused enough already!
Frankly, I think the only reason the Scientists at Seti haven’t heard any alien messages is because — just between you, me and the aliens — I don’t think Scientists, as a whole, are very good listeners.
I mean have you ever seen a scientist on the Science Channel listening? I haven’t. They’re always blubbering on about how we are all made of star stuff (they just can’t get over it!) or blathering about black holes (They’re Black! They’re Holes! They’re Black Holes!) or whining about how the sun’s going to burn out someday. (The sun’s going to burn out someday! And they just can’t wait!)
So now we find out, according to Grant’s letter to the editor of Scientific American, the aliens have been talking to us all this time through “noise” and we didn’t even notice it. LOL!
All we have to do now is figure out what the aliens are trying to tell us by virtue of random noises such as horns blaring, kitties meowing and balloons popping, and we’ll be just that much further ahead as a civilization as a whole!
Plus, it will give the Science Channelsomething new to talk about.
“What makes some of us smarter than others? Or put another way, why am I smarter than you?” Barbara Buh, Co-founder of the Applied Large Brain Institute and Science Sincerely Yours Foundation Advisor took me by surprise with this question while we were setting up our display table at the Compass, Watch and Eggtimer Scientific Summit in Uppenappen Switzerland.
I momentarily stopped lining up the eggtimers so that I could give her question some focused thought.
Before I had a chance to answer, Barbara Buh, also Professor of Neuropsuedoscience and Director of Big Brain Institute at Mensa Medical Center in Nome Alaska pulled her rhesus monkey, Pieces, from beneath her top hat and began asking it rapid-fire questions to prove her point.
“What is the square root of seven?”
“What is the formula for gum?”
“If a train is traveling at 60 mph and another train is traveling at 40 mph going the opposite direction, what time is it now?”
Pieces just sat there looking glum. After four minutes and 13 seconds of silence, I suddenly realized that Dr. Buh, also Chief Board Adviser for Test-tube Science and Welding Technology at the Goggles Institute in Anchorage Alaska was directing these questions towards me and not her Rhesus, Pieces.
I tried to nonchalantly keep winding watches but I could feel her piercing gaze penetrating me like tiny daggers or, failing that, very large needles.
“Am I allowed to google?” I finally asked and was instantly angry at myself for detecting a quiver of fear in my voice.
“If you must.” Dr. Buh, who was also Senior Research Analyst at the University for Internet Surfing for the Ketchasketchcan Scientific Center in Alaska, replied.
In that case the answers are:
“Minus 27.”
“HC3–>2HOCI”
“And about a quarter past eight.”
But Dr. Buh didn’t respond. She was too busy performing the Heimlich Maneuver on Pieces who had managed to choke on one of the egg timers while I was googling.
Which seemed like as good a time as any to break for lunch.
When it comes to our feet meeting the ground, there’s more than meets the eye.
That’s because, frankly, I don’t think they’ve got the law of gravity completely right.
When it comes to the natural laws of the universe, there seems to be a lot of perforated lines.
You always hear scientists talking about tears in the ripple of time, somehow making it possible to suddenly travel backwards or forwards in the timeline.
But what, pray tell, if there was a way to put a tear in the ripple of gravity, somehow making it possible for every single thing in the universe to suddenly drop those last ten pounds.
Now that’s what I call a natural law with some legs!
Allow me to get a tad theoretical here, if you will be so kind.
Let’s suppose I weigh 500 pounds. Or better yet let’s suppose YOU weight 500 pounds . . . alright! Now we’re getting somewhere.
Question Number One:
What we want to know is how can a person, such as yourself, who weighs a whopping 500 pounds coerce gravity in such a way that it would allow you to instantaneously go from a 500-pound Tub-of-Lard to a 115-pound Tub-of-Vegetable-Oil in a matter of nano-seconds?
The Answer to Question Number One:
The Answer is: fool around with some equations until you find a frayed edge in the ripple of gravity, give it a good yank and hello skinny jeans.
Question Number Two:
Oh, rest assured, I can hear your little voice in my head asking, “How can an ordinary layperson, such as myself –someone who is still shaky on the multiplication tables — go from being a Mathematic Ne’er-do-well to a Mathematic Nerd-do-well with nothing to work with but a dream, a hand-held calculator and a 500-pound friend-in-need, such as yourself? Good question! In fact, I am officially making it Question Number Three!
Question Number Three:
See above.
Let’s Talk Specifics
To figure out how to tear gravity using mathematics, the first order of the day is, of course, a large pepperoni pizza with olives. Then settle down to some serious ciphering and re-ciphering by deciphering the numbers and letters previously scribbled on a blackboard during a deep sleep. This is a challenge if ever there was one.
But keep at it until you are able to find a loose thread either in the ripple of gravity, or failing that, in the cable- knit sweater you’re wearing. Then pull the thread gingerly at first, then saltly and pepperly after that.
Before you know it, you’ll have a tear in the ripple of gravity as big as the great outdoors!
After that, it’s just a matter of finding a sale on skinny jeans. And to that noble end, I heartily wish you the best of luck!
Well, well! Thumbing through a copy of the January issue of Scientific American in an article entitled: Why Sleep is Good for You, it seems our industrious Scientist Community has been staying up late worrying about going to bed early.
In an unprecendented effort to dig up more work, Scientist’s have been studying the brain’s performance while sleeping and not sleeping by studying see-through fish.
Divided into Two Camps
The article goes on to say that the question of sleep has divided the Scientific Community into two camps:
Those who think sleep is good for you, and those who think sleep is even better for you than those who think sleep is good for you.
Scientists Who Stare at Fish
According to the article, a “group” (probably less than 50 but more than 25) of Researchers have been staying up late staring at some Zebrafish in the aquarium at the lab. This is the kind of activity that just about any group can do without the need to pre-coordinate; thus making it quite popular among uncoordinated groups of Researchers.
Not as "co-ordinated" as one might imagine.
Let Sleeping Brains Lie
Basically all the researchers have to do is meet at the same time, pour themselves some coffee and shuffle over to the aquarium tank to “look” at the fish. In this case they were looking at Zebrafish because “their larvae are transparent, which allowed researchers to watch their brains as they slept.”
Putting the “zzzzzz” in Zebrafish
For you see, it had been determined at an earlier date that Zebrafish are less active at night than they are during the day which could only mean one thing. They SLEEP at night!
After coming to this scientific conclusion, the Researchers could have simply gone right home and written about it in their Scientific Journals. But the Researchers wanted to keep going because they just knew they were about to make a Scientific Discovery; plus they needed the hours.
Talk About Dedicated!
So one Camp of Researchers wrestled a Zebrafish to the bottom of the tank while the other Camp of Researchers held him down and dyed his neuron connections green and black.
They Could Be Dead, Sure, But Scientists Say They’re Sleeping
Well, wouldn’t you know, the Researchers soon found out that zebrafish’s synapse activity was lower during sleep. But how could the Researchers tell that the Zebrafish was, in fact, asleep? Because, first it started yawning and then it closed its eyes for about eight hours give or take.
These eyes have been scientifcally proven to be closed.
The upshot is that the hard work of the Reseachers paid off when the results were published in the Journal, Neuron, and the Researchers become the very first to show the effects of sleep/wake cycles and time of day on the synapses of a living vertebrate!
And if that little bit of scientific good news doesn’t put a spring in your step, nothing will.
