Poetry Barn: An Ode to My Annoying Brain, Peanuts

Well my brain, Peanuts, was really annoying this morning. (Peanuts being the nickname my brain insisted on giving itself.)  Peanuts sometimes runs amok and when that happens, all I can do is stand by and watch helplessly.

This morning Peanuts was writing fast and furiously!  Peanuts was so pleased about what was materializing on the computer screen that Peanuts was feeling confident to the point of being cocky.  This is a dangerous state of mind.  Last time Peanuts got like this it cost me and Peanuts $300.

That’s because Peanuts said we could  go 59 when the speed limit was 35.  Peanuts rationalized this decision by explaining that Peanuts didn’t see no cops so there ain’t no cops. Sometimes Peanuts insists on talking with a cheesey, fakey made up dialect. (I always have to roll my eyes.)

Anyway, sure enough  Peanuts spent all morning typing up a post that Peanuts had to stop and laugh at every five minutes.  It was really kind of nauseating how cute Peanuts thought it was being.

So it really served Peanuts right when Peanuts went to hit SAVE DRAFT and the little donut started spinning and spinning and spinning and then the Wordpress screen disappeared altogether!  Peanuts panicked and flailed around clicking buttons and icons like a regular banshee but to no avail.  The post was gone entirely.

I took it rather well, but Peanuts threw a big, huge, hissy fit by pounding fists on  the desk, and shouting the F word, then shouting the S word and then went back to shouting the F word.

Of course, this display of immaturity didn’t do Peanuts one bit of good.  I told Peanuts that in so many words, but Peanuts wasn’t listening.

So instead of posting the hilarious post that Peanuts lost us thanks to cockiness, Peanuts and I will rerun this poem entitled Ode to Peanuts.  It’s really called Ode to the Brain, but Peanuts thinks it’s about Peanuts so we’ll just let Peanuts keep on thinking that:

ODE TO My Brain Peanuts

Oh little brain

We love you so

For thinking up

The things we know

From your hemispheres

To your thalamuses

You know the times of all the buses

Your skull cap’s skewed so jauntily

You’ve hit a spinal chord with me!

And furthermore, let’s be quite placid

Because of your amino acid,

You do not sail this synapse sea

As hairy as a chimpanzee

That ought to shut Peanuts up for a while!

Until next time . . . I love you

My Brain, Peanuts, Decides to Bake

Hey everybody!  Welcome to Digging-Up-Old-Posts-and-Rerunning-Them Friday! 

Your Total Presence is Required 

Just finished reading the Power of Now.  Now I’m reading Practicing the Power of Now.  And I really have been practicing too.  I’m working diligently at keeping my attention on what I’m doing.

It’s hard on Peanuts (my brain who insisted on being nicknamed Peanuts).  Peanuts has rules now.

Self-portrait drawn by my brain, Peanuts. (Peanuts not pictured.)

Peanuts doesn’t like rules.  Peanuts has to stay focused on the task at hand or go away. Peanuts hates this. Peanuts wants to do what Peanuts wants to do.

Turns out Peanuts is a big, fat, spoiled brat!

Take yesterday for instance.  After a long day of making Peanuts Ten Hut! to the task at hand and not letting Peanuts ruminate about the past or frolic in the future, Peanuts was exhausted.

Still, that didn’t stop Peanuts from deciding to bake a cake at 8:00 last night.  It’s sugarless, Peanuts kept throwing out there — so what’s the big deal?

Bake that cake, Peanuts implored.  “Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake! Cake!” Well, OK fine, Peanuts, if it will shut you up!

So Peanuts and I decided to bake a cake, and I decided to let Peanuts take over the whole operation.  First of all, here’s the recipe:

  Linda’s Slightly Weird Orange Bundt Cake

One box of Pillsbury Yellow Cake Mix Sugar-free

One box instant vanilla pudding Sugar-free

Put both ingredients in a mixing bowl.

Add:

1 cup water

3 eggs (use fake eggs if you want to eat dough — never eat real eggs because they can carry salmonella)

1/2 cup of canned pumpkin

Juice from one orange and put in orange zest from peeling

(you just use a little grater and grate the skin –  you don’t need much) or you could use a lemon instead

Mix it all up, eat generous amount of dough, and pour remainder into bunt cake pan

Bake at 350 degrees for approximately 35 to 40 minutes.

So Peanuts gets the cake into the oven and goes back to reading The Power of Now.

When the timer goes off, Peanuts goes to remove the cake from the oven and accidentally bumps the pan on the top rack of the oven which causes the cake to flip out of the pan and land upside down on the over rack.

Then the cake starts to crumble and hits the oven elements and smoke starts pouring out.

Peanuts panics and tries to pick cake off the oven rack wearing a big fat oven mitt which causes cake to crumble more.  Peanuts takes oven mitt off and grabs bunt cake pan with bare hands burning four fingers.

Peanut’s screams can almost be heard over the blare of the smoke detector.

Peanuts finally manages to get some of the cake onto the  plate and scrapes the remains onto the floor — but instead of going on the floor they are actually go in the drawer below the oven.

Peanut’s version of Orange Bunt Cake

Through the whole experience Peanuts keeps reminding me to surrender to the present moment to which I respond by telling Peanuts to shut up already.

The cake was  good though.

Until next time . . . I love you