Gregory’s Bible Stories: The Barbecued Goat Caper


Welcome, Dear Readers, to this Sunday’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories.

Every Sunday Gregory attends Sunday school and every Sunday he comes home and retells what he learned.  

Today Gregory learned about how Jonathan and his trusty sidekick got the best of a bunch of Philistines in 1 Samuel 14.

Linda Vernon Humor, the bible according to gregory, humorous bible stories

 

 

Jonathan and the Barbecued Goat Caper

One day King Saul’s son, Jonathan, was walking around the holy land with his sidekick, Young Man, whose sole job it was to carry Jonathan’s weapons — when Jonathan got the idea to crash the camp of some heathen Philistines.

Jonathan:  Mm . . . do you smell what I smell?

Young Man Whose Sole Job It Was To Carry Jonathan’s Weapons:  Yeah smells like some heathen Philistines are barbecuing some delicious goat!

Jonathan:  Exactamento! I really want to go over there.

YMWSJIWTCJW:  Yes but to get over there we will have to cross a pass that has two huge jagged rocks . . .

Jonathan:  Jagged schmagged.  Maybe the Lord will help us.

YMWSJIWTCJW: Okie doke.  Whatever you want to do, Jonny.

Jonathan: All right, then,  we’re going to crawl between the jagged rocks and if the Philistines tell us to wait then we will; but if they tell us to come it will mean the Lord has given us victory over them.

YMWSJIWTCJW: How do know these things?

Jonathan:  I dunno.

When the heathen Philistines saw Jonathan and his sidekick, YMWSJIWTCJW, crawling through the rocks they said in unison, “Look some Hebrews are coming out of the holes they have been hiding in!  Come on up here, we have something to tell you!”

Jonathan:  Did you hear that, YMWSJIWTCJW?  They have something to tell us. That means the lord has given Israel victory over them.

YMWSJIWTCJW:  Oh . .

Jonathan:  What wrong?  You sound disappointed.

YMWSJIWTCJW: I was kinda hoping it meant they saved us some barbecued goat.

Jonathan:  Don’t you ever think of anything but your stomach?

YMWSJIWTCJW:  Let me put it this way.  Are you going to eat the rest of your fig?

Jonathan:  Sigh . . go for it.

YMWSJIWTCJW: Thanks!  You want I should kill the Philistines now?

Jonathan:  Uh . . . let me knock them down first.

YMWSJIWTCJW: Okie doke.  Whatever you want to do, Jonny.

And there you have it, Dear Readers, what Gregory learned in Sunday school.  Please check back next week to find out what Gregory will learn next!

Until next time . . . I love you

Jonathan's Daring Deed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “Gregory’s Bible Stories: The Barbecued Goat Caper

  1. Oh those wacky adventures of johnathon and his sidekick Ymjkwahtygdfcvj. I can’t wait for the Lord to make a movie version.

  2. Gasp! Choke!…. must text… can’t write.

    ROTFLMAOABSOOMNUICAD….!!!

    Know what I mean?

    Good. Johnathon wouldn’t. But, Ymjkwahtygdfcvj would….

    Whew! Okay, better….

    You gotta stop this, even if we never do learn what happened to the innocent horde of Philistines; I’m getting tempted to ask stuff, & you know what happens then….

    gigoid

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