This weekend we are giving you three variations on a prompt. We need you to give us 33 words back, and 2 of those words must be either “cheap flights,” “sandwiched in” or “spectacularly clean.” This weekend, your piece must also be non-fiction (poetry or prose). And yes, we reserve the right to call your mothers and former lovers to ask for verification on your tales.
Disaster at the Farmer’s Market
Twas my kin
Quite sandwiched in
‘twixt turnips and potatoes
Still alive, he had survived
The horrible tornadoes
I said to Jim (I called him Jim)
“ Hope you remembered to get tomatoes.”
“Uh . . . “
This is a true story with the exception of the tornado (it was actually a light breeze from the air-conditioning vent), and we were at Safeway instead of the Farmer’s Market. But my son, Jim, did remember to get tomatoes . . . except they were potatoes.
Hello Dear Readers! I love Thanksgiving! It’s one of my favorite holidays. Every year I cook for my family and every year I look forward to it with great pleasure. Maybe a little too much pleasure. That’s why I’ve come up with this list of warning signs on how to tell if you are going to overdo Thanksgiving.
How to Tell if You’re Going to Overdo Thanksgiving
You’ve replaced the phrase “I love you” with the phrase “Olive you”.
You just got back from Potato Mashing Immersion Camp.
You’ve instructed your surgeon to break ground on that new stomach addition.
“So the way I see it, we can knock out a wall between the belly and the button, and we should have room for an entire bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy.
In preparation for the big feast, you’ve managed to diet down to a size bite.
Even if you were to carry out pi to a million decimals, all forms of pi will be polished off by Friday.
“Of course I didn’t eat all the pumpkin pie! You know I only like apple.”
You’ve taken to sleeping on a pillow of mini marshmallows.
Thanks to you and your voluminous Yam Stockpile the earth will be taking 6 days longer to orbit the sun.
“Gosh this week is really dragging by. What day is it?” “Yamsday.” “Still?”
You made an appointment with your dentist to get your teeth sharpened.
Your new gravy boat sleeps six.
“Move over!” “No you!”
Your husband Tom is slightly worried about you because his name is Bill.
You’ve been preheating your oven since the 4th of July.
You refuse to read, watch or listen to anything that isn’t about Jello.
“Honey! Come quick! Look! There’s Bigfoot!” “Is he in the form of a Jello mold?” “No.” “Is he carrying Jello?” “No.” “Then I’m not going to look.”
And the most obvious way to tell if you’re going to overdo Thanksgiving:
Your appendix has been officially called back into active duty for the stomach reserves.
Linda Vernon Humor 