Dear Dwell Magazine Editorial Staff,
Over the past couple of years, my wife, Victoria Splendoria, and myself, P. Donald Xavier, have become avid Dwell Magazine readers. Not only do we totally approve of the urban-contemporaneity; but also, we just go gaga over the pictures.
I have attached a photograph of Victoria Splendoria, and myself, P. Donald Xavier, and our adorable baby, Tylenol Cold and Sinus®, relaxing in our Dwell Magazine inspired contemporary home environment.
“I threw it away!”
“But why?”
Because we’re minimalists, Victoria Splendoria, minimalists! That can of soup was cluttering up the cupboards!”
“But I’m hungry! And so is Tylenol Cold and Sinus® !”
“Oh for goshsakes! Quit your bellyaching and come and enjoy the minimalism with me and little Tylenol Cold and Sinus®!
Victoria Splendoria and myself, P. Donald Xavier, just love to sit outside the printing press where Dwell magazine is published every month so that we can be the first ones to get our copy hot off the presses! And we just can’t wait to return to our minimal living room to curl up and enjoy each and every issue with our imaginary espresso.
We’ve recently re-designed our bathroom more in keeping with the minimalistic lifestyle as dictated within the pages of Dwell Magazine. I think you’ll love what we’ve done. Here’s a picture:
“I threw them away!”
“But why?”
“Because they were taking up too much space.”
“Honey?”
“What?”
“Where’s the toilet.”
“I threw it away.”
“Why?”
“It was cluttering up the bathroom and ruining the minimalism. Just go to the gas station.”
Anyway, Victoria Splendoria, and myself, P. Donald Xaxier and our adorable baby, Tylenol Cold and Sinus®, would like to thank, you, the editors of Dwell Magazine, from the bottom our hearts for teaching us that throwing away everything we own, sitting on hard surfaces and staring into space is the secret to making it feel as though maybe we are living a long and happy life!
Ambitiously, resourcefully and counter-conventional-edgily yours,
P. Donald Xavier, Victoria Splendoria and adorable Tylenol Cold and Sinus®
* * *
Until next time . . . I love you
Linda Vernon Humor 
Dear Linda,
How can I subscribe to Dwell Magazine? Our house is so cluttered you have to turn sideways to worm between all the “collectables.” I know my wife would just love sitting on a hard piece of concrete staring mindlessly into space–that’s if the medication and straightjacket holds up.
Ahahahahaha!! She sounds like a good sport! 😀
I’m glad they go over each issue so carefully, since they probably don’t keep the back issues.
Too cluttersome.
But I wonder if they are in fact hypocrites.
Seems like an asful lot of clothes they’re wearing…
Awful. Awful lot of clothes.
Meh.
Hahah! I like the word asful too though! 😀
Ah, yes, that wire stool looks like a great place to recline if you’re a Dweller. For folks w/ lumbar issues and plans to nurse a bottle of Moscato, not so much. They should visit Guanajanto:http://vlphotography.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/dscn3166.jpg. Their eyes would explode from color!
Kerbey! That is about the coolest picture ever! 😀
Linda, Linda, Linda. You have an astounding grasp on the concept of minimalism, including the minimalism of love, joy, happiness, and compromise. I love how P. Donald is laughing at Victoria Splendoria as she searches– fruitlessly– for the cream of mushroom soup. Dire dwelling, indeed.
Thanks Undercover! Nothing is closer to my heart than delving into Dwell Magazine to see what makes its readers tick! Except maybe for Pottery Barn Catalogs Hey!! wouldn’t that be interesting to see what would happen if you crossed a Pottery Barn Catalog with a copy of Dwell Magazine . . .
Hopefully loan applications because NO ONE would be able to afford the sparse furniture. You know, I can make that wire bench out of a bunch of rusty chicken wire and tree stands that I have stored in my yard. They will come complete with tetanus shots because… you know… rusty wires and all.
Undercover! LOL!! I want you to make that chair! You have to now. But be sure to wait until the person sits down on it and then offer the tetanus shot for $10. You really deserve to make some kind of profit for your cutting/puncturing edge idea! 😀
*snicker, snicker*
Tylenol cold and Sinus….What are their future children to be called, Aspirin, Tums and Geritol….lol Diane
LOL!! Dianne! 😀
Some stories I read in the social pages are almost as absurd. But they are a great source of ideas for kookie tales like this one.
Oh Ronnie! Oh I’ll have to start checking out the social pages! OH what fun that would be! 😀 (Hope I can find some online). 😀
A house should be a place to hang your hat. But it can’t be a house with hats or hangers. It’s the paradox at the heart of modern living.
It is! I guess it goes along nicely with the paradox that you have to spend most of your spare time posting pictures online of how much fun you are having in your spare time.
toilet gone…men pee in shower…come to think of it they probably do anyway..
Ahahhaha! Yikes! Oh I hope your wrong Bucky!! Hahah! 😀
i wish i were! lol
:D!
I have laughed in my mind many times. Does that make me a minimalist?
I think so Paula! So sorry! LIM! (laughing in mind!)
I love this prison chic look. Taking a shower and just imagining being someone’s bitch
LIM! I’m laughing in my mind, the new minimal, trendy way to laugh!
Oh wonderful! We need a smirk emoticon. I’m going to be using that one. Let’s see . . . how’d you do that . . . .
oh that’s fun.
Yes, it works! It’s very condescending. I’ll try it in real life too.
I just tried out my real life smirk in the reflection of my computer screen. My smirk needs work.
it’s worth the effort
HA! Most assuredly! 😀
Oh Linda! This is genius! You nailed it. Dwell magazine scares me. It might as well be called prison or purgatory. That wire stool and concrete bit made me lol! Omg, this was hysterical. 😀
I’m so glad you liked it Lisa. Somebody had to say something. They have to be stopped from scaring people LOL!! It does look like somewhere you would have to go to be punished! In fact, you could easily get killed in a house like that! Ha! 😀
Is their clothing made of paper, so it can just be discarded when dirty? You wouldn’t want to have anything cluttering up the closets, would you?
Benze! LOL!! You need to invent some paper clothes designed for Dwell Magazine readers. Hey! I know. Since Dwell Magazine is the only thing they allow in their houses, they could make all their clothes out of old issues! HA!