Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories. Today Gregory learned about how Moses helped the Lord set up and take down His holy tent.
Let’s listen in as Gregory tells us how it all happened.
Moses’s Trick Chiseling Elbow
One day while the Lord was on a camping trip relaxing in His Tent at Camp Holy Land, He decided to dictate to Moses exactly how he wanted His Sacred Stuff moved when it was time to break camp. Moses chiseled down His instructions.
The Lord: Moses, when it’s time to go I want Aaron, your brother, and his two sons to come inside My Tent and take down the curtain in front of the covenant box and cover the covenant box with it.
Moses: . . . and cover box with it . . . got it.
The Lord: And cover the covenant box with it . . . be sure to specify covenant.
Moses: Yeah but I thought I could just shorten “covenant box” to “box” as my trick chiseling elbow is acting up again.
The Lord: Do as I say, young man, or I’ll give your trick chiseling elbow something to act up about, and I’m not just whistling Dixie!
Moses: . . . not just whistling Dixie . . . got it.
The Lord: No! Don’t write that down you idiot!
Moses: . . . don’t write that down you idiot . . .got it.
The Lord: Oy!
Moses: . . . Oy . . . got it.
The Lord: After that, have Aaron and his sons put a blue cloth over the covenant box then put bread on top of that and spread a red cloth over that and then put a leather cover on top of that and insert the carrying poles. Did you get all that Moses?
Moses: . . . hang on . . . did you get all that Moses . . . got it.
The Lord: Hallelujah!
Moses: Are there three or four L’s in Hallelujah? I’m guessing four?
The Lord: Then it’s just practically self explanatory from there on out. Have them put a blue cloth over the lamp stand and olive oil containers and spread a blue cloth over the gold alter and put a fine leather cover over that and then remove the greasy ashes over the alter and put a purple cloth over that and put all the fire pans, hooks, shovels and basins over that and then carry it all to the next location without touching any of the sacred objects or they will die, yadda yadda yadda.
Moses: . . . yadda yadda yadda . . . got it. Wait a minute Lord! Did you just say they will die if they touch any of the sacred objects?
The Lord: Correctomundo.
Moses: Did I mention my brother, Aaron has a bad back?
The Lord: Not to worry, I’m hiring the Starving Kohath Clan Movers to do all the heavy lifting but it is your responsibility, Moses, to make sure that they aren’t killed by coming near the most sacred objects. In fact, if they even see the priests preparing the sacred objects for moving they will die.
Moses: . . . they will die . . . got it. Can I go now? I need to ice my trick chiseling elbow.
The Lord: Yeah you can go in just a minute, but first do me a solid and take a census of Levite Clan, register all the men between the ages of thirty and fifty who were qualified to work in the Tent of the Lord’s presence and then after you do that, you’ll need to chisel down who I want to carry what.
Moses: Can I at least have a break to eat my goat sandwich I brought from home?
The Lord: Man does not live by bread alone.
Moses: Yeah I know, Lord, hence the goat!
The Lord: Don’t get smarty with me, young man! Tell you what. First, chisel down my instructions for disassembling My Tent. It’s pretty simple, it will only take about 14 hours to explain and then you can have a bathroom break.
14 hours later:
The Lord: Okay Moses I think I’ve covered which part of my tent all 8,580 Levites will each be carrying from here to the next camping site. Any questions?
Moses: Yes. Can I ice my trick chiseling elbow now? It hurts dreadfully.
The Lord: Oh wait. Speaking of dreadful, I almost forgot. Before you go, Moses, I need you to expel everybody from Camp Holy Land who has a dreaded skin disease or a bodily discharge and also everyone who is unclean by contact with a corpse and then you can go home early.
Moses: . . . contact with a corpse . . . got it. And then can I ice my trick chiseling elbow?
The Lord: Sure except . . .
Moses: Except what?
The Lord: I haven’t had a chance to create ice yet. Sorry.
Moses: Why I oughtta . . .
The Lord: What was that, Moses?
And there you have it, Dear Readers what Gregory learned in Sunday School this morning. Please check back next week to find out what wonderful things Gregory will learn in Sunday School next week.
Until next time . . . I love you
8 thoughts on “Gregory’s Bible Stories: Moses’s Trick Chiseling Elbow”
Lol!!! Moses spells about as well as I do! The Lord should have invented ibuprofen for his trick chiseling Elbow. I guess he was to busy smithing the peeps who looked at the covenant.
Ha Ha! Yes I was thinking of you when I put that part in. I remember when you were in the 5th grade you put an e on the end of every single word(e).
Before I get into this one, just a short comment on the number 37 (I believe it was…). I finally got it…. That was the approximate IQ, right? Any who…
Boy, you had fun with this one, didn’t you? Love it… I’d comment on many parts of it, but, I’m thinking it’d be best for everybody if I just let it all go by this time…. Less hate-mail, and potential litigation, y’know? Sure would be fun, though; you left about 30 straight lines just hanging out there….
Great post…. 🙂
gigoid, the dubious
What I left 30 straight lines just hanging out there? Well what can I say. I was washing up some sentences the other day, hung them out to dry and then completely forgot all about them! OY!! And yes that is the number of the I. Q. HA! Nothing gets by you Dubious, even if you are dubious! 😀
It’s the nature of dubiousity… I’m slow sometimes, but, well, you know, tortoise, hare, right?… I always get there…
Oh good! I thought that first winking smile you made was Hitler! ;=)
Nah, just a finger spasm at the wrong moment… EOA, y’know…
*Early onset Alzheimer’s