blogging

Do You Suffer from Jam Side Down Syndrome?

Linda Vernon Who am I?, Writing life , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Scenario:    Shuffle to computer holding toast and jam.  Promptly drop toast and jam — jam side down — onto computer keyboard. 

Now most people would label this as the beginning of a very bad day — a Jam Side Down Day, if you will. But for me, it’s simply part of my normal, everyday, existence.

That’s because I suffer from a syndrome called  Jam-Side-Down Syndrome or JSDS.  You’ve probably never heard of it before due to the fact that I just now made it up.

Jam in happier times.

Now, even though I just this very moment made up Jam Side Down Syndrome, not to worry, Dear readers, I’m sure there will be a pill for it coming out on the market any minute now. (Remember to ask your doctor about it.)

 

Extremely rare photo of Jam Side Up. Experts cannot agree as to its authenticity.

And I bet this new  miracle drug will probably be no more addictive than your average heroin cigarette and with a risk of side-effects no more dangerous than, say, marrying Henry the VIII.

So no big whoop all the way around!  Wouldn’t you agree?

Now it seems the only thing left for me to do is think up a quiz that would indicate whether or not a person might be suffering from JSDS.  Well, that’s smple!

Do You Suffer from Jam Side Down Syndrome? The Quiz!

1) How many articles of clothing are hanging in your closet this very minute that have jam stains on them?

a) one

b) two

c) 17  perhaps?

2) How many times did you slip on some jam and fall down the stairs this morning?

a) one

b) two

c) 17 perhaps?

If a tree fell in the forest do you think it would land jam side down?

a) yes

b) no

c) 17 perhaps?

Suppose you were skydiving while eating toast and jam and your parachute failed to open. What odds would you give yourself of landing Jam Side Down?

A)  7 out of 23

B) 132 out of 6

C)  17 perhaps?

Suppose you were walking through a beautiful garden and were hit on the head by an asteroid with jam on it that was hurling to earth at a tremendous speed.  Would the undertaker have to charge extra for washing jam out of your hair?

A) yes

B) No

C) 17 perhaps?

So there you have it, Dear Reader.  If you answered yes, no, or 17 perhaps?  to any of the above questions, you are most definitely suffering from Jam Side Down Syndrome BIG TIME!

Quickly!! Put down that toast and jam and call your local pharmaceutical company immediately. . . there’s not a minute to lose . . .oh . .  and please, please try not to get jam all over the phone!

Until next time . . . I love you

Do You Suffer from Jam Side Down Syndrome?

Linda Vernon Who am I?, Writing life , , , , , , , ,

The Scenario:    Shuffle to computer holding toast and jam.  Promptly drop toast and jam — jam side down — onto computer keyboard. 

Now most people would label this as the beginning of a very bad day — a Jam Side Down Day, if you will. But for me, it’s simply part of my normal, everyday, existence.

That’s because I suffer from a syndrome called  Jam-Side-Down Syndrome or JSDS.  You’ve probably never heard of it before due to the fact that I just now made it up.

Jam in happier times.

Now, even though I just this very moment made up Jam Side Down Syndrome, not to worry, Dear readers, I’m sure there will be a pill for it coming out on the market any minute now. (Remember to ask your doctor about it.)

 

Extremely rare photo of Jam Side Up. Experts cannot agree as to its authenticity.

And I bet this new  miracle drug will probably be no more addictive than your average heroin cigarette and with a risk of side-effects no more dangerous than, say, marrying Henry the VIII.

So no big whoop all the way around!  Wouldn’t you agree?

Now it seems the only thing left for me to do is think up a quiz that would indicate whether or not a person might be suffering from JSDS.  Well, that’s smple!

Do You Suffer from Jam Side Down Syndrome? The Quiz!

1) How many articles of clothing are hanging in your closet this very minute that have jam stains on them?

a) one

b) two

c) 17  perhaps?

2) How many times did you slip on some jam and fall down the stairs this morning?

a) one

b) two

c) 17 perhaps?

If a tree fell in the forest do you think it would land jam side down?

a) yes

b) no

c) 17 perhaps?

Suppose you were skydiving while eating toast and jam and your parachute failed to open. What odds would you give yourself of landing Jam Side Down?

A)  7 out of 23

B) 132 out of 6

C)  17 perhaps?

Suppose you were walking through a beautiful garden and were hit on the head by an asteroid with jam on it that was hurling to earth at a tremendous speed.  Would the undertaker have to charge extra for washing jam out of your hair?

A) yes

B) No

C) 17 perhaps?

So there you have it, Dear Reader.  If you answered yes, no, or 17 perhaps?  to any of the above questions, you are most definitely suffering from Jam Side Down Syndrome BIG TIME!

Quickly!! Put down that toast and jam and call your local pharmaceutical company immediately. . . there’s not a minute to lose . . .oh . .  and please, please try not to get jam all over the phone!

Until next time . . . I love you

A Visit from The Limerick Lady!

Linda Vernon Blogging , , , , , , ,

Dear Readers!  You’ll never guess who stumbled by the blog today! None other than The Limerick Lady, and she’s a limerick writing fool if ever there was one! 

A picture of a lady with a bird on her shoulder horribly drawn
The Limerick Lady

Apparently she’s been out visiting blogs and has taken the liberty of writing a few limericks starring some of our most beloved bloggers from around the blogosphere!  Lets take a peek, shall we?

My what a gripping life you do lead.
A Gripping Life

A Gripping Life’s written by Grippie

Who got dressed up to look really zippy

She then went to see

Kinks- You Really Got Me

And got kissed by a Kink on the Lippy!

**

Mark Armstrong wearing a Zoot Suit
Mark Armstrong Illustration

There once was an artist named  Mark

Who wore Zoot Suits while drawing his art

His courtroom depictions

Are bought with subscriptions

Cuz he’s not only funny; he’s smart!

**

Picture of El Guapo from Guapola
Guapola

There once was a beatnik named Guapo

Whose vivaciousness never did stop-o

His rhyming harangues

Require tshhhhhh bangs

And for cheesesteak? He’ll get stopped by a Cop-o

**

tig Zendictive Logo
Zendictive

Whenever your day’s going bad

And about up to here you have had

There is wisdom galore

In Zendictive’s blog drawer

So dash over . . . before you go mad!

**

Bird Watching
Hometogo232

There once was a girl named Diane

Who hailed from a mighty big clan

Her depression was cured

When she prayed and God heard

Now her blog — its got many a fan!

**

Pink Ninjabi
Pink Ninjabi

There once was a girl who loved pink

And her blog, it makes all of us think

Each day in her journal

There’s more than a kernel

Of wisdom from which we can drink!

**

a painting of Lizzie C from Running naked with scissors
Running Naked With Scissors

There once was a single mom Lizzie

Whose creativity made us all dizzy

She not only writes

But her art?  It delights!

And her kids!  Oh boy!  Keep her busy!

**

Adair You
Adair You

There once was a blogger, Adair

Who gave us a breath of fresh air

With her kitty called DC

And her fruitcaking Aunt Lee

It’s a blog like a chocolate eclair!

**

Dianne Gray Author
Dianne Gray Author

Dianne is a writer of wonder

Whose home on this globe is down under

Whether eggs on her ceiling

Or from pythons she’s reeling

It’s no wonder her publishers fund her!

**

Buckwheat's Risk
Buckwheats Risk

Bucky she is the adopter

Of a snake and a dog , she’s their proctor

She’s been known to write

At a very great height

Cause her husband . . . well,  he flies a copter

And there you have it Dear Readers, a visit from The Limerick Lady.  And be careful now, as you never know when The Limerick Lady is going to stop by your blog . . .

Until next time . . . I love you

Linda’s 33 Easy Steps to Writing a Killer Blog Post

Linda Vernon Blogging , , , , , ,

Blog picture in pastels

Linda’s 33 Easy Steps to Writing a Killer Blog Post

1.    Pour one cup coffee

2.    Sit down to computer.

3.    Sip coffee.

4.    Spit coffee back into cup; return to kitchen

5.    Discover coffee maker broken.

6.    Locate someone to blame, if possible.

7.    Return to computer

8.    Stare at tree out window

9.    If no tree out window, take trip to nearest garden supply store

10.   Purchase sapling, return home, plant sapling outside window.

11.    Resume staring out window into space tree will occupy in three to five years

12.    Return to kitchen for danish

13.    If no danish available, graham cracker may be substituted.

14.    If no graham cracker available, soda crackers or  Ritz cracker can be voted upon.

15.    If no voters are present, a blindfold may be used to cover eyes

16.    Cover eyes; pick box.

17.    Remove blindfold

18.    Discover you picked soda crackers

19.    Realize you wanted Ritz Crackers

20.    Put blindfold back on.

21.    Pick one

22.    Repeat until box of Ritz Crackers is chosen

23.    Return to desk

24.    Eat entire box of Ritz Crackers

25.    Locate can of air to blow Ritz Cracker crumbs off  keyboard and face

26.    Spin clockwise in desk chair

27.    Spin counter-clockwise in desk chair

28.    Take trip to nearest drug store

29.    Purchase Pepto Bismal

30.    Return home; take Pepto Bismal

31.    Lie down on couch

32.    Fall asleep; wake up; return to computer

33.    Reblog post from yesterday

And there you have it Dear Readers, Linda’s 33 easy steps to writing a killer blog post! 

Until next time . . . I love you

Rummaging Around The Poetry Barn

Linda Vernon Peculiar Poetry , , , , , , , , , ,

First of all, let me thank El Guapo at Guapola for coming up with the excellent idea for the title of this post.

He was actually just reading my last post about Pottery Barn, wrong, but that doesn’t diminish the fact that El Guapo is a genius and not just because he nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award!  (Though it is further substantiation.)

BTW, I am planning to write my Versatile Blog Award acceptance post next week once the Eggnog runs dry.  And I would like to officially thank my blogging buddies, Guapola, Running Naked with Scissors and The Mainland  all of whom were kind enough to nominate this blog for the Versatile Blogger Award and whose blogs I enjoy so much I have to wait until AFTER I drink my coffee before I read them so as not to coffee spray all over my desk.

So without further adieu, allow me to  welcome you to this blog’s unveiling of:

The Poetry Barn

On a Cold Chill Winter’s Day

Off the top of my head

From the depths of my heart

I shoot from the hip when I say

That I love you and know you

Like the back of my hand

On a cold chill winter’s day

I’ve got a leg up on love

My elbows are greased

My eyes are peeled only for you

You skin is as clear

As the nose on my face

So I’m sorry it’s over, we’re through

Until next time . . . I love you

And Merry Christmas!