The Vegetable Lady Answers Some Questions

Dear Readers!  What a treat we have in store for us today!  The Vegetable Lady has been kind enough to stop by the blog and answer some of our most pressing vegetable questions!

A picture of a lady with a big toothy Grin Linda Vernon Humor
The Vegetable Lady will answer some questions

Our first question, Vegetable Lady, comes to us from  Reader, Phillip Flep, who asks: what is your favorite way to prepare tomatoes?

Tomatoes?  Golly Jeepers whenever I think of tomatoes, I always think of Christmas because that’s when Daddy, before he got lost at sea, would bring in a big platter of tomatoes, graham crackers and chocolate and  Mommy would set the Christmas tree on fire, and we’d make Smores!

Before Daddy bit into his, he would always say  “If I never see you again I love you,” but Golly Jeepers!  Mother and I could never figure out if he was talking to us or to the Smores.

This next question comes to us from Reader, Agamemnon Applebee, who asks: What’s the best way to get peas out of their pods?

Golly Jeepers it took Mother and I so long to figure that out!  Right after Daddy got lost at sea, we were awfully impoverished, so we had to live off peas until Mother and I  joined the circus.

Golly Jeepers!  It wasn’t easy to figure out how to get peas out of their pods until one day Mother borrowed a microscope and found out there was a teeny-tiny zipper in each pod!  Golly Jeepers!  I finally had time to get back to my sword swallowing practice after we found that out!

Our last question comes from Reader, Toots Tubaleeno, who asks:  What’s the best way to roast corn on the cob?

Well, after Mother and I joined the circus, Mother started roasting all our corn on the cob by positioning the cob between her teeth while  performing her flame juggling routine!  Golly Jeepers that was some good corn!

One night Mother set her beard on fire, which totally ruined her moonlighting job as the bearded lady in the freak show.  But Golly Jeepers! Mother sure went out on a lot more dates after that.

So let’s get this straight, Vegetable Lady, you’re telling us that your father was lost at sea, you set your Christmas Tree on fire every year to roast tomato smores, your mother is a bearded flame juggler and you swallow swords in your spare time?

Golly Jeepers!  When you put it that way it does sound a little strange.  I forgot to explain that I never swallow swords that don’t have a carrot stuck to the end!   Oh I’m so glad I remembered to add that!  Golly Jeepers! You would have thought I was pretty weird!

Well thank you for answering some questions for us today Vegetable Lady!

drawing by Linda Vernon Humor of the vegetable lady

Golly Jeepers!  You’re welcome!

* * *

Until next time, I love you

The Vegetable Lady Answers Some Questions

Dear Readers!  What a treat we have in store for us today!  The Vegetable Lady has been kind enough to stop by the blog and answer some of our most pressing vegetable questions!

A picture of a lady with a big toothy Grin Linda Vernon Humor
The Vegetable Lady will answer some questions

Our first question, Vegetable Lady, comes to us from  Reader, Phillip Flep, who asks: what is your favorite way to prepare tomatoes?

Tomatoes?  Golly Jeepers whenever I think of tomatoes, I always think of Christmas because that’s when Daddy, before he got lost at sea, would bring in a big platter of tomatoes, graham crackers and chocolate and  Mommy would set the Christmas tree on fire, and we’d make Smores!

Before Daddy bit into his, he would always say  “If I never see you again I love you,” but Golly Jeepers!  Mother and I could never figure out if he was talking to us or to the Smores.

This next question comes to us from Reader, Agamemnon Applebee, who asks: What’s the best way to get peas out of their pods?

Golly Jeepers it took Mother and I so long to figure that out!  Right after Daddy got lost at sea, we were awfully impoverished, so we had to live off peas until Mother and I  joined the circus.

Golly Jeepers!  It wasn’t easy to figure out how to get peas out of their pods until one day Mother borrowed a microscope and found out there was a teeny-tiny zipper in each pod!  Golly Jeepers!  I finally had time to get back to my sword swallowing practice after we found that out!

Our last question comes from Reader, Toots Tubaleeno, who asks:  What’s the best way to roast corn on the cob?

Well, after Mother and I joined the circus, Mother started roasting all our corn on the cob by positioning the cob between her teeth while  performing her flame juggling routine!  Golly Jeepers that was some good corn!

One night Mother set her beard on fire, which totally ruined her moonlighting job as the bearded lady in the freak show.  But Golly Jeepers! Mother sure went out on a lot more dates after that.

So let’s get this straight, Vegetable Lady, you’re telling us that your father was lost at sea, you set your Christmas Tree on fire every year to roast tomato smores, your mother is a bearded flame juggler and you swallow swords in your spare time?

Golly Jeepers!  When you put it that way it does sound a little strange.  I forgot to explain that I never swallow swords that don’t have a carrot stuck to the end!   Oh I’m so glad I remembered to add that!  Golly Jeepers! You would have thought I was pretty weird!

Well thank you for answering some questions for us today Vegetable Lady!

drawing by Linda Vernon Humor of the vegetable lady

Golly Jeepers!  You’re welcome!

* * *

Until next time, I love you

Mary Ellen’s Helpful Hints: Or What is Mary Ellen Trying to Say?

Hello Dear Readers! Today is a life changing day.  After reading today’s post, you will not only go away a person of exemplary character, you will, more importantly, know exactly what to do to keep your liver tender!  So without further adieu, let’s start changing our lives by way of Mary Ellen’s Helpful Kitchen Hints!

This diminutive dossier written by the demure Mary Ellen back in 1980 is  your golden ticket to efficiency in every area of life.
This diminutive dossier written by the demure hand of Mary Ellen Pinkham back in 1980 is our golden ticket to efficiency in every single area of lives except bowling.

Let’s begin by zeroing in on some of the more riveting and exciting helpful hints:

Corn on the Cob Not in the Teeth!

Mary Ellen's helpful kitchen hints

This is just the kind of hint we love Mary Ellen so dearly for.  In a mere 19 words, Mary Ellen has managed to solve the centuries-old heartbreak of that awkward, corn-silky smile!  Oops, I think Mary Ellen forgot to mention to be sure to remember to clean off your husband’s toothbrush and put it back just as he left it when you’re done de-silking corn with it. (He’ll never know!)  Oh Mary Ellen, you sly one you!

Mary Ellen’s Cottage Cheese Discovery

Mary Ellen's cottage cheese advice

After years of exhaustive testing, Mary Ellen can finally say that cottage cheese stays fresher longer when stored upside down in the refrigerator just like Mary Ellen’s cat does, and just like Mary Ellen’s parakeet does and just like Mary Ellen’s husband does!  Who knew? (Mary Ellen knew that’s who!)

 Feats with Meats Not to Be Confused with Meat with Feets

Mary Ellen's Hint for Bacon

Oh we’ll be thanking our beloved Mary Ellen for years to come for this one!  Simply go to your local hardware store and find something shaped like a tube, like maybe a pipe.  Then stop off at the welders and have it welded into the length of a package of bacon.  After that, there’s only one more stop to make at Office Depot where you can purchase rubber bands.

Now, Mary Ellen doesn’t make mention of what size the rubber bands should be, but listen, Mary Ellen knows there are some just things in life we have to figure out for ourselves, Dear Readers, and I’m afraid this is one of them.

But it will all be worth it because, in the long run, we’ll be saving ourselves valuable time when it comes to  peeling one piece of bacon apart from the one it’s stuck to.  And what could be better than that?  The answer is zilch, people, zilch!

High Liver High Liver High Lo

How to get liver high

And now for the pièce de résistance, Dear Readers!  The reason that you have read thus far and that is to find out the all important information of how to keep your liver tender!  Well, our Dear Mary Ellen simply takes the liver, soaks it in milk, refrigerates  it two hours, dries it, breads it and sautes it.

Well, if it worked for the livers of Mary Ellen’s cat and Mary Ellen’s parakeet and Mary Ellen’s husband, whose to say it won’t work for us, Dear Readers?

Until next time (when we discuss how Mary Ellen will be removing her mustache) . . . I love you