Dumb Things We Did in the 50’s

My dad, my brother and me in 1953.

Flipping though the pages of  the TV Guide yesterday brought back a lot of memories.  Here are some  things I haven’t thought about in years:

Smoking

When I was a little girl growing up in the 50’s and 60’s, my grandfather smoked Chesterfields and my mother smoked Salems and my dad smoked Camels.  Of course, everybody smoked everywhere.  In the house, in the car, before, during and after meals, in movie theaters, airplanes, buses and department stores and probably even at death-bed vigils.

Men used to hold cigarettes on the side of their mouths and smoke them hands free while they mowed the lawn or pumped gas. (It was the 50’s version of multi-tasking.)  If there wasn’t an ashtray people would just drop their cigarettes on the ground and step on them.

Drinking and Driving

When I was a kid I thought nothing of it when my dad would drive around with a can of beer between his legs. He drank Olympia beer.  I remember once when I was really little  going for a drive with my dad in the country.  He was driving with a can of beer between his legs, and his shotgun right beside him at the ready.  (I was also in the front seat.)  Every once in a while my dad would slow way down,  reach over,  grab his shotgun and then shoot at a pheasant from the car window.  This was a perfectly normal and natural part of everyday life. (He always missed by the way!)

Olympia Beer always claimed it was “the water” that made their beer so good, but I suspect it was the alcohol.

Helmets and Seat belts

When I was growing up, the only people who wore helmets were human cannon balls. They were the only people to wear capes too now that I think about it.

“Golly, I hope this wind doesn’t put out my cigarette!”

And seat belts?  Forget about it!  When they started making cars with seat belts everyone totally ignored them or tucked them into the seat so they wouldn’t be in the way.  I don’t even think the astronauts wore seat belts. (Probably because it would have restricted their cigarette smoking.)

Cooking

When I was a kid the term fast food meant somebody dropped a watermelon down a hill and it was rolling too fast to catch it.  Of course, I lived in a small town of a thousand people and there certainly weren’t any fast food places in that town.

My mother cooked every meal everyday and on Sunday afternoon, she would fix a big Sunday dinner.  Of course, all the stores were closed on Sundays, so if she forgot to buy an ingredient, she would have to borrow it from the neighbors or make do without.

My mother kept a coffee can of bacon grease to cook with in the cupboard above the stove. I distinctly remember this because one time when she reached to get it down, she spilled it all over herself and the stove. Boy was she mad . . . I think it might have put out her cigarette!
Until next time Dear Readers . . . I love you

The TV Guide World of 1967

Drop what you’re doing, Dear Readers, and come and look at what I found!  A TV Guide from 1967!  Let’s turn the pages quickly before it turns to dust!

The Front Cover

Who’s this maniacally happy man?  No it isn’t  Crazy Uncle Wally on a bender.  It’s Crazy Uncle Lawrence Welk on a bender!  And just who is Lawrence Welk?  Well maybe this will answer your question, Dear Readers:

The three faces of maniacally happy Larry Welk!

OK, maybe not.  Suffice it to say Lawrence Welk was an orchestra leader who had his own show back in the 60’s and 70’s who played a mean accordion and who was the apple of every eighty-year-old eye in America.  His show was sponsored by Geritol, an old-age elixir that kept his audience regular as well as alive week after week.

The 1967 TV Guide’s Back Cover

This 1967 ad tells us there are smokers and then there are SMOKERS! Smokers who don’t bother with smoking ordinary length cigarettes because it’s so inefficient!  Why smoke two short, stubby, ugly, unsophisticated cigarettes when you can get the all the carcinogens you need in one long, elegant cigarette thus indicating to the whole world that you are rich, baby, RICH!  Why be caught dead smoking anything else?

Now let’s take a look inside our TV Guide

“Hi!  I’m Barbara Bain from the TV show Mission Impossible striking odd poses in this Batik Dress.  I don’t know what a Batik dress is and I don’t  know why I have to strike poses in it,  but at least I’m getting paid extra . . . I hope!”
“OW! I just broke my ankle . . . happy?”

Here’s an ad featuring somebody you don’t want to mess with:

World famous hairdresser, John Garrison says: “Use any ordinary shampoo on hair color?  Not in my salon!”

“If I catch ladies in my salon using ordinary shampoo I will wrap that bottle around their necks and strangle them with it!”

OK . . .shh . . . John . . . calm down.  We are just going to back out the door very quietly with our hands up . . . no need to get excited. . . no harm done . . .

Let’s end on a happier note shall we?  Let’s check out this 1967 cheerful teen who has found a great way to earn 4 cents an hour!

“Hi! I’m a TV Guide young merchant and I’m  a complete tool!”

Well, Dear Reader, that’s all we have time for today because it  looks like our 1967 TV has turned to dust!  Oh well, I needed to vacuum anyway!

Until next time . . . I love you

How’s About A Little Murdering?

Welcome Dear Readers!  You’ll have to excuse the way I look (if you could see me).  I’ve been cleaning out the blog.  Vacuuming up all the blogwebs and sorting through my old posts.  

Anyway here’s a little murder story that fell out.  It’s not funny, but I kind of like it anyway.  

Imagining Cottonwood

I awoke last night with memories of Cottonwood dampening my pillow.  And though I lay there awake, I refused to go further down those corridors of thought — one room leading to another and another.  The past is best left unruffled by middle night winds of regret and sorrow.

I looked over at Miles who lay peacefully next to me sleeping his untroubled sleep.  As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I thought I might like to take his pillow, hold it over his face and suffocate him –so he could always stay just as he was forever and ever.

But what was I thinking!  Killing Miles?  And like that?  I almost laughed out loud! I would never kill Miles like that.  Never!  That would be much too good for him.

I allowed my mind to drift to the cottage in Cottonwood; just the cottage. The weeping willow in the front yard, the line of pink roses along the split-rail fence and the sound footsteps made on the crooked path of pebbles that led to the front door.  But then, Victoria started to creep into my mind and I pushed her out and slammed the door.

After that, I allowed myself to imagine the lake at Cottonwood, as I remembered it best, shining in the morning sunlight. How it looked before I knew about Victoria. But I wouldn’t let my mind wander down the path to the water’s edge.  I only stayed to look at it from the safety at the top of the crest.

I fell asleep after that and when I awoke, Miles was gone.  I knew where.  Victoria’s flight was coming in early, and then they were leaving for Cottonwood.  Miles didn’t know I knew. He thinks he got the best of me but he hasn’t. He doesn’t know yet about all the money I took and he doesn’t know about the gun I bought.  And I love to imagine the look on his face when he sees it.

***

Until next time  . . . I love you

8″ People I Admire

Hello Dear Reader and welcome to today’s post where we will be taking  a look at 8″ people I admire.  Let’s start with:

The Musically Determined Little Johnny Carver

 Little Johnny Carver is only 8″ high, but did that stop him from becoming one of the most outstanding country artists of his time? With hits like Your Lily White Hands, New Lips and Don’t Monkey with Another Monkey’s Monkey under his tiny little belt, Itty-bitty Johnny Carver is taking all the right teeny-weeny steps to musical stardom!  Proving that no matter how small you start out, it is possible to become a huge success (figuratively speaking, of course!)  And so Johnny Carver, I drink a toast to you!

The Courageous Spoinky McSpecks!

The courageous life of 8″ high pizza delivery boy, Spoinky McSpecks is a tale of determination and bravery the likes of which has yet to be equaled in the pizza delivery world.  Risking his life up to 20 times a day, delivering pizzas and getting lousy tips (even though they are practically as big as he is), Spoinky remains steadfast to his mission while facing terrible dangers like getting tangled up in duct tape and other life threatening situations that is annoying to you and I — but is potentially fatal  to 8″ people!  And so I say:  Spoinky McSpecks I salute you!

Everybody’s Favorite 8″ Russian:  KhanIhazmy Chekplez

8″ virtuoso KhanIhazmy Chekplez has never let his small stature deter him from his dream of playing the lilting strains of the Extra-large Slavic Ukelele.  Oh sure, it’s a strain for him alright, both physically, mentally, and emotionally, but you’d never know it by the look on his face!  My hat’s off to you KhanIhazmy Chekplez!

These four 8″ people equal 32″ of fun!

Even though these four people,  when laid end-to-end, wouldn’t even reach the of a yardstick, that hasn’t dampened their enthusiasm one bit!   Here they are, merrily going about their bookkeeping duties using the same size pencils we normal sized people use without a care in the world even though the toll on their backs has to be tremendous!  And that is why I have to say to this fun loving group of 8 Inchers:  I applaud your ‘smarvelousness!

And there you have it, Dear Reader! The courageous lives of some very special 8″ people I admire!
Until next time . . . I love you

Trifecta 33-word Fable Writing Challenge: Dinner at the Fable Buffet

Hello Dear Readers!  This weekend’s Trifecta Writing Challenge was to write a fable in 33 words!  They certainly keep us on our toes over there at the challenge! So here goes:

Dinner at the Fable Buffet

A cat and a parakeet were dining on pie when the cat remarked that he really should be eating the parakeet to which the parakeet replied, “Shut up and eat your Puddy Tat pie.”

Until next time . . . I love you

Trying to Explain the Inexplicable World of Metropolitan Home Magazine

Today Dear Reader, we will be taking a stab at trying to explain the inexplicable world of Metropolitan Home Magazine.

Mommy, where’s my milk?

I put it in the elegantly expressed living room that is a mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand.

Can I go get it?

No. you’ll mess up the mélange!

But I’m thirsty!

Too bad! Suck it in.

Mommy, may I go upstairs now?

No.

Why not?

Because we live in a one-story Metropolitan house.

But isn’t that a staircase behind me?

No, it’s a painting!  Ha ha!  You just fell for the oldest trick in the designer book, Bobby!

Bobby don’t cry.  I was just kidding!  I love you, Bobby!  Hey I know!  Why don’t you roll the coffee table outside and ride it down a steep hill?

But won’t I mess up the mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand?

Oh yeah, never mind!

Gosh, I don’t think life gets anymore perfect than sitting among this unabashed celebration of modern living as I thumb through a Metropolitan Home Magazine in which I am featured sitting among this unabashed celebration of modern living thumbing through a copy of Metropolitan Home Magazine!

Mommy, where’s my hotdog?

It’s in a bed suspended by ropes dangling over a cliff to showcase a mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand..  What a silly question!

Can I go get it?

No. you’ll mess up the mélange!

But I’m hungry!

Too bad! Suck it in.

Meet Vanessa Victoria Splatums. She’s old enough to have white hair, but she’s young enough and hip enough to hate her kitchen because it’s not mélang-y enough.  Well, sorry to have to be the one to break the news to you Vanessa Victoria Splatums, but your kitchen hates you too!

Mommy can I get the kitty out and pet her?

Shh . . . we’re trying to look at our mélange of diverse elements put together with a very sure hand.

Mommy, I think the kitty’s thirsty, can I get her out?

No you’ll  mess up the mélange.

But she’s thirsty!

Too bad, she’ll just have to suck it in like everyone else in this world.

* * *

And there you have it, Dear Reader, our stab at trying to explain the inexplicable world of Metropolitan Home Magazine.

Until next time . . . I love you