Gregory’s Bible Lesson: When The Ark Disembarked

Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories.

Today in Sunday School Gregory learned about Noah’s Ark  and couldn’t help imagining what it must have been like stepping out on dry land after being stuck on the ark for so long.

 LInda Vernon humoous bible storiesWhen The Ark Disembarked

 

When Noah and his wife and his three sons, Shem, Ham and Japheth and their wives and two of every animal on earth had been stuck on the ark together so long  no amount of Febreeze could have helped, Ham looked out the window and saw that all the water was gone, and the ark was  high-centered on Mount Ararat.

"Oy!"
“Oy!”

The date was January 1, قبل يسوع– wouldn’t you know!  The one day everybody was hung over.

Noah looked outside and saw that even though the sun was so bright it was giving him an even worse headache, the land was still pretty muddy so he made everybody stay inside the ark until the mud was complete gone on February 27, قبل يسوع   because no one had remembered to bring their galoshes.

When Noah was 601 years old. God told Noah  to go ahead and let everybody out of the ark so that they could get started on reproducing and populating the earth again.

Noah decided to keep it to himself that the male and female rats already had 473 kids. Why let the cat (both  male and female) out of the bag?  Noah figured it would just put God in another one of His Destroy-Every-Living-Thing funks.

So to keep God in a good mood, the first thing Noah did when he got outside was build an altar to the Lord using an old boot, some broken pottery and other debris he found on the ground from the Destroying-Every- Living-Thing rubble that was strewn up one side of Mt. Ararat and down the other.

Noah gathered one of each kind of ritually-cleaned animal and bird and burned them whole as a sacrifice to the altar.  Then he took out a bottle of  Noah’s Judgment Day Barbecue Sauce, he managed to smuggle in his robe — and poured it over the top.

The odor of the sacrifice made the Lord’s almighty mouth water!  Then the Lord said to himself (apparently out loud while only the bible was listening): 

“Never again will  I put the earth under a curse because of what man does; I know that from the time he is young his thoughts are evil. Never again will I destroy all living beings as I have done this time  . . . as long as the world exists there will be a time for . . .  etc . . .  etc . . . ” (right about here is where the bible quit listening).

Then God gave Noah a Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down list  for mankind’s behavior since nobody remembered to pack the Ten Commandments.

God’s Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down List for Post-Flood Mankind’s Behavior

Thumbs up to having all the children you can possibly stand! 🙂

Thumbs up to man being the boss of animals! 🙂

Thumbs up to  All You Can Eat Meat and Green Plant buffets. 🙂

Thumbs down to eating meat that still has blood in it. 😦

Thumbs down to killing anybody or everybody like God just did. 😦

Then God promised not to destroy the earth with a flood ever ever again. He didn’t come right out and say He was sorry, but everyone suspected it.

God went on to promise  that  every time a rainbow appeared in the sky, it would mean that God was keeping his promise to never wipe out mankind ever again with a flood so help Him Him.

Noah and the Rainbow

The bible tells us that Noah, Shem, Ham and Japheth were the ancestors of all the people on earth.  Of course, the bible probably would have listed their wives as ancestors too — but they were girls.

After that, everything was going swell in a hand basket for our little group of mankind, that is until Noah had to go and get the bright idea to plant a vineyard . . . and you don’t even want to know what happened next — but Gregory is going to tell you anyway — so check back next week, Dear Readers!

Noah's animals

Until next time . . . I love you

Life on the Ark

Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories.

Today in Sunday School Gregory learned about Noah’s Ark  and couldn’t help imagining what it must have been like living on the Ark while waiting for the flood to subside.

 LInda Vernon humoous bible storiesLife on the Ark 

Noah:  Honey!  Come on!  You’re not still packing are you?  We’ve got to get going! The floodgates of the sky are opening!

Noah’s Wife, Betty:   I can’t get my bath robe to fit into this stupid suitcase!

Noah:  Here let me do it.

Betty:   Oh no you don’t!  You’ll  wrinkle  everything!

Noah:  Honey! I just packed two of every kind of animal into one measly ark.  I think I can pack a suitcase.

Betty:   Do you think we’ll have room for the trampoline?  I’d like to stay in shape, God only knows  how long we’ll be stuck on the ark.

Noah:  Sure you can bring the tambourine.  You know how much I love to sing.

Betty:   Not the tambourine, Noah, the trampoline.

Noah:  We have a trampoline?

Betty:  What’s the matter Noah?  You look upset.

Noah:  It’s God.  I just got all the animals packed in the Ark so they fit  nicely and now God has added seven pairs of each kind of ritually clean animal and seven pairs of each kind of bird to the list.

Betty:  You mean he didn’t mention it before now?

Noah:  Nope.

Betty:  Well maybe you could just hose off some of the ones you already have.

Noah:  Either way, I’m afraid there won’t be room for any trampolines this trip, honey.

After Noah had  finally figured out a way to pack everything into the ark, the  Lord shooed all the animals away from the  door and slammed  it shut.  (Part of a zebra’s tail was still sticking out but the Lord just ignored it since there was no way he was ever going to get that door shut again.)  Then the Lord gave the ark an almighty heave-ho and off they went!

Day 10 on the ark:

Ham:  Dad can’t we open a window or something?  The smell in here is gross!

Noah:  What’s that?  I thought I saw your lips moving, son, but I can’t hear you over all the squawking,  and the mooing and the bleating.

Betty:   I can’t stand all this sitting!  I just know I’m putting on weight.  What I wouldn’t give for that trampoline right now.

Noah:  What honey?  Did you say something about a  tambourine?

Shem:  I’m hungry! Hey I know! What’s say we  barbecue one of the animals!

Japheth:  Are we there yet?

Day 50 on the ark:

Everybody in unison Ninety- nine  potter vessels of  wine on the ark, 99 pottery vessels of wine, take one down and pass it around 98 pottery vessels of  wine on the ark . . .

Day 100 on the ark:

Shem:  Hey guess what everybody?   We have officially risen 25 feet above the tops of the mountains!

Ham:  How do you know that?

Shem:  I measured it with this 25-foot flood dipstick Dad let me bring.

Betty:   Noah!  How come you let  Shem bring a 25-foot water dipstick, but you wouldn’t let me bring one  lousy little trampoline?

Noah:  What’s that Betty?   I can’t hear you over all the snorting and the squealing and the bow-wowing.

Japheth:  Are we there yet?

Day 130 on the ark:

Shem:  Hey Dad a raven and a dove just got out and the raven didn’t come back but the dove did, and it had  an olive branch in its beak!

Noah:  You know what, Shem,  at this point Daddy doesn’t really give a rat’s behind.

Ham:  Ha ha!   Funny you should say that,  Dad, because there are several rats behind you right now!

Noah:  Hm . . . apparently some of us have been going forth and multiplying  early.

Day 150 on the ark:

Noah:  Ninety nine pottery vessels of—

Ham:   Hey Dad!  Last time I looked outside there wasn’t any water anywhere, just dry land as far as the eye could see.

Noah:  What?  When was this?

Ham:  About three months ago give or take.

Noah:  What?  Why didn’t you tell me?

Ham: I know how much you hate getting interrupted when you sing.

And a hardy laugh was had by all.

And there you have it, Dear Readers!  How Gregory imagines  life on the ark during the Great Flood.  Be sure and check back next week for the further adventures of Noah and the gang.

Until next time . . . I love you

Noah and Betty

Unloading the Ark

Noah makes some arks

 

Jesus, Twix Bars, and the Samaritan Woman

Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s edition of the Bible According to Gregory.  Let’s listen in and see what Gregory learned in Sunday School this week:

Linda Vernon Humor, the bible according to gregory, humorous bible storiesJesus, Twix Bars and the Samaritan Woman

When Jesus was alive, he had to walk everywhere.  Biblical walking wasn’t much fun.  Everybody wore opened-toed shoes with no arch support, and there was ox manure everywhere and people were constantly stubbing their toes on the stones that were laying around all over the place– which made the countryside convenient for impromptu stonings, sure, but horrible for walking.

One day on his way to Galilee, Jesus and his disciples got a little lost and realized they would have to walk through Samaria.  In those days, Samaria was to Jesus and his disciples what Mexico is to Americans today.  Fun but iffy.

After stepping in ox manure and stubbing their toes on rocks all the way there (except for Jesus who not only  knew exactly where, but, more importantly, where not to step), the disciples and Jesus were pretty tuckered out.

Finally they came to a well and Jesus sat down to rest while the disciples, who were starving, went to find a good goat burger drive walk-through.

A Samaritan woman came to draw water from the well that Jesus was sitting on.

The Bible According to Gregory, Linda Vernon Humor, Jesus and Samaritan Woman humorous bible stories

Here is the conversation that ensued as summarized by Gregory who’s never read the bible and doesn’t ever listen in Sunday school:

Samaritan Woman:  Uh, excuse me. Can you move over, I’m trying to draw some water.

Jesus:  Will you give me a drink of water?

Samaritan Woman:  Well uh . . . I see by your name tag that you’re a Jew and I’m a Samaritan and Jews never drink out of Samaritan cups!

Jesus:    Actually, I could give you some water.  Some living water and then you would never be thirsty again.  Indeed the water I give will become a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

Samaritan Woman:  No kidding?  Kind of like a camel only better!

Jesus:  Go get your husband.

Samaritan Woman:  I have no husband.

Jesus:  You are right when you say you have no husband.  The fact is, you have had five husbands and the man you now have is not your husband.  What you just said is true.

Samaritan Woman:  So you’re the one whose been reading my diary!

Then Jesus told the woman the time is coming when true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and in truth.

Samaritan Woman:  Well I know that Messiah is coming.  When he comes he will explain everything to us.

Jesus:  “I am the one speaking to you –I am he!”

Just then the disciples showed up with some righteous goat burgers and the woman left her water jug and ran  back to the village to tell the Village People (who just happened to be playing there that day) as well as the rest of the village people that they were never going to believe who she just met at the well . . .

The bible acording to Gregory, Linda Venron Humor

Meanwhile the disciples were trying to get Jesus to eat.

Disciple:  Rabbi, eat something!

Jesus:  “I have food to eat that you know nothing about.”

The disciples waited for Jesus to pull a Twix out of his robe pocket, but instead Jesus said, “My food, is to do the will of him who sent me to finish his work.”

If the disciples were disappointed, they tried not to show it.

And there you have it, Dear Readers, what Gregory learned in Sunday School this morning.  Please check back next week, to see what Gregory new exciting things Gregory will learn in Sunday School.

Until next time . . . I love you

The Day Jesus Made His Mom Proud

Welcome Dear Readers to this week’s edition of Gregory’s Bible Stories.

Every week Gregory goes to Sunday School and  every week he comes home and tells about what he learned.

This week Gregory learned about the first miracle that Jesus performed.

In biblical days, people were hard to get rid of.  If you invited people over for dinner (which in those days was called a feast) they would stay way too long and totally wear out their welcome.

One day Jesus and the disciples were invited to a wedding and Mary, his mother, was invited too.  (Either Joseph’s name wasn’t on the invitation or he couldn’t get the time off.)

Anyway, after the wedding everybody went over to the bridegroom’s house for some hardy feasting.  There was wine and food and music and fun and wine.

And just like today, if the wine runs out before the party is over, somebody has to do something about it.  That’s exactly what happened.

Just as Mary was going to refill her wine goblet, she overheard one of the servants  talking about how the guests were complete lushes who had drunk everything in the house including the water in the fish bowl.

“I will tell Jesus,” Mary assured the servants.

Mary wove her way through the revelers and found Jesus who was just about to belt out a rousing rendition of Amazing Grace on the Karaoke machine (hand cranked).

“They have no more wine.”  Mary announced unceremoniously.

To which Jesus replied, “Why are you telling me?” (Jesus tended to get a tiny bit sassy with his mom whenever she interrupted his Karaoke fun.)

Now Mary knew that Jesus would do something to help the people with their drinking problem (of not having anymore wine).   She ran back to the servants and said, “Whatever He tells you to do, do it.”

Once Jesus was finished singing (he was the original crooner, it was such a pity I left my heart in San Francisco hadn’t been invented yet), he looked around and saw six water pots and told the servants to fill all six jars with water which they did.

“Now,” Jesus said, “dip wine from the jar and carry it to the man who is in charge of the feast.”

Which they also did and by the time the man put the water to his lips, it had turned into the best wine the man had ever gotten drunk on!

So he called the bridegroom over and said,”Everyone else serves the best wine first, and after the guests have drunk a lot he serves the ordinary wine.  But you have kept the best wine until now.”

The man who was taking care of the feast did not know that Jesus had turned water into wine. The bridegroom did not know either.  The bridegroom just assumed that the servants had found the stash of expensive wine he had taken great pains to hide before everybody arrived.

But the servants knew and Mary knew that Jesus had performed his very first miracle.  Jesus had turned water into wine, not bum wine either, but really, really, really good wine. Mary couldn’t have been prouder!

“How’s that Jesus?”
“Keep pouring.”
“Is that enough?”
“No keep pouring!”
“Jesus! It’s going to overflow!”
“No, keep pouring, I know what I’m doing.”

 * * *

Until next time. . . I love you

Your Coloring Book for Easter

Happy Easter Dear Readers!  Gregory got this Twelve Disciples Coloring book in Sunday School and would like to share it with you!  Gregory says have fun coloring and have a wonderful Easter!

  The Twelve Disciples Coloring Book!

One day while Jesus was soaking up some rays at the sea of Galilee, he saw some fishing ships.  Well this gave Jesus an idea! He would make all the fishermen he saw, fishers of men!  So He got busy recruiting twelve disciples. 

So color along with us as we open the pages of the Twelve Disciples Coloring Book!

Simon was one of the first fishermen Jesus recruited.  He belonged to a sect called the Zealot Club where they spent a lot of time poo-pooing taxation and throwing darts at pictures of Pontius Pilate.

Simon

"Oops! Let me try it again. How about two out of three?"
“Okay, this one’s going right between his beady little eyes.  Oops!  How about two out of three?”

Andrew was known as the “introducer” because he introduced his brother, Simon to Jesus.  He and Simon owned a fishing business, and Andrew did all the marketing.

Andrew

Andrew
“Nice to meet ya! Hey, don’t forget to grab a business card before you leave!”

Bartholomew was in Jesus’s top six.  Jesus recognized Bartholomew as a man of imagination and vision.  Plus he had epically big guns!

Bartholomew

"Would you believe I only work out twice a week!"
And I only work out twice a week!”

Then there was John. Besides being one of Jesus’s favorites disciples, John was the first person to recognize Jesus after Jesus resurrected. He later went on to write a  bestseller called “The Revelations”.

John

"Hey, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that Jesus?'
“Hey, correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that Jesus over there?’

Then there was John’s brother, James.  James was one of the three disciples who made up Jesus’s inner circle.  James was the first disciple to succumb to martyrdom which in those days was fatal.

James

"A martyr? Me? Well what exactly does that entail?"
“A martyr? Me? Well what exactly does that entail?”

Another Disciple of Jesus’s was also named James.  Everybody called him James the Less because he was younger than the other James.  He kept telling everyone to call him Jimmy but it just never stuck.

James the Less

"Hey James the Lesser! Bring us some bread.""Not unless you call me Jimmy."
“Hey James the Less! Bring us some bread.”
“Not unless you call me Jimmy!”

Peter (or maybe Simon)

Peter’s name was actually Simon but everybody called him Peter for short except for Jesus who called him “The Rock” or possibly “Rocky” because of his  immovable faith.  And yet, after Jesus got arrested, Peter denied he knew Jesus three times until he heard a rooster crow which reminded him that oh yeah he did know Jesus after all!  Duh!

Peter “The Rock” Simon

Wait a minute . . . now that I think about it, I cock-a-doodle do know Jesus!"
Wait a minute . . . now that I think about it, I cock-a-doodle DO know Jesus!”

Another disciple was Thomas, who was cursed with the nagging doubts that are produced when an individual has low self-esteem combined with being a stickler for details. After Jesus was resurrected, Thomas refused to believe it until Jesus showed him the  nail prints and two pieces ID.

Thomas

" . . . uh . . . .hmmm. . . uh"
“Well uh . . .hmm!”

Then there was Jude.  Not to be confused with Judas.  Jude was the least famous of the disciples except for maybe James the Less who was Jude’s brother. Jude was the introverted disciple who never raised his hand and who laughed at everybody’s jokes but never made any himself.

Jude

Jude
“And that’s why the chicken crossed the road? Hahaha! Get out! That’s hilarious!”

One of the disciples was Mathew, who was the richest of the disciples before he gave up everything to follow Jesus.  He was a tax collector and was good with details.  Mathew always had a pencil in his had and took it upon himself to write down everything Jesus said word for word. Everybody thought he was hard of hearing because he was always asking Jesus, “What was that again?”

Matthew

"Can you say that one more time only slower?"
“Can you say that one more time,  Jesus, only slower?”

And finally there was Judas.  Judas was the disciple who said all the right things but who was slightly sketchy. But nobody suspected just how sketchy until after Jesus got arrested and suddenly Judas had 30 pieces of silver burning a hole in his robe pocket and he was buying everybody drinks and looking at expensive pyramids.  Of course, in the end Judas repented so that he could still get to heaven.

Judas

I'll repent just as soon as I'm done spending
I’ll repent the minute I get back from Las Bethlehemgas

And there you have it, Dear Readers!  The Twelve Disciple Coloring Book!  Gregory says have fun coloring and be sure to stay in the lines!

Ark of the Covenant Fudge

Welcome Dear Readers to this Sunday’s edition of the Gregory’s Bible Stories. 

Every week, Gregory goes to Sunday School. Every week he comes home and tells about what he learned.

This week Gregory learned about King David.  Let’s listen in as Gregory retells the lesson.

Gregory of the Bible According to Gregory Linda Vernon HumorKing David and the Ark of the Covenant Fudge

Once there was a king named David.  David had excellent fine motor skills and began his meteoric rise to biblical stardom when he killed the giant, Goliath, with his slingshot.  Biblical scholars all agree it would have been much cooler if David  would have used a  yo-yo but the only toy that had been invented up to that point was, unfortunately, the dreidel.

A couple days after David became king, he suddenly realized that, what with all the slaughterings, and what with all  the crazy mix-ups with the Lord, they had completely forgotten about the Ark of the Covenant.  D oy h!

When King David announced he was going to go pick up the Ark  from the town of Kirjath-jearim, there was much rejoicing in the streets because not only was King David their sling-shot idol, but also he pronounced Kirjath-jearim  in such a way that made it sound like “Hawaii”.

So the entire population of Israel followed King David to Mr. Abinadab’s house in Hawaii (who had been using the ark as a coffee table) just as Mr. Abinadab and his two sons, Uzzah and Ahio,  had decided to sell it in their yard sale.

When they saw that the entire population of Israel had shown up for the sale, they were flabbergasted because they hadn’t even bother to put up signs.

Luckily, the Ark of the Covenant hadn’t sold yet as Mr. Abinadab had a 25-goat price-tag on it, which was about 20 goats more than anyone was willing to pay for what looked like the world’s gaudiest coffee table. But King David was nothing if not a good negotiator:

King David:  So how much you want for the gaudy coffee table?

Mr. Abinadab:  We’re asking 25 goats.

King David:  25 goats?  That seems a little steep.  Does it come with coasters?

Mr. Abinadab:  You don’t need any.  You can set anything on it and it doesn’t leave a mark.  I once put a hot pan of fudge on it — and not only did it NOT leave a mark, the fudge was heavenly!

King David:  Hm. . . well I do love fudge. Will you take five goats for it?

Mr. Abinadab:  How about twelve goats and a chicken?

King David:  I’ll give you seven goats and  half a chicken . . .

Mr. Abinadab:  It will have to be seven goats and a whole chicken since I don’t have change for half a chicken.

Everybody watched as the ark was painstakingly lifted  and placed in the royal ox cart. It was pretty heavy owing to the fact that it not only contained the ten commandments on stone tablets but also Mr. Abinadab had forgotten to remove his bowling ball collection inside.

King David: Listen, Mr. Abinadab, since you’ve been such a good sport, I’ll give your sons, Ahio andAzzuh, the honor of driving the royal cart containing the Ark of the Covenant back to Jerusalem.

Mr. Abinadab:  Uh . . . are you sure you want to do that?  They just got their cart licenses and they’ve already racked up a couple of speeding tickets.

King David:  Ha ha!  Well that’s to be expected.  Don’t tell me!  2 mph  in a 1 mph zone?

Mr. Abinadab: No, 3 mph in a 1 mph zone!

King David:  How is that possible?

Mr. Abinadab:  Tailwind.

As the cart began to move, there was a loud burst of music as David and the Israelites (who later became the Tabernacle Choir), started singing, playing harps, timbrels, cymbals, trumpets and something called psalteries which biblical scholars believe was a type of musical pastry.

Everybody was just so darn happy until the wind picked up and Ahio took a corner a little too fast and nearly dumped the Ark.  His brother, Azzuh, put his hand on the ark to keep it from falling and died instantly.

“La la la la la la la uh oh!”
“La la la la la la la what’s wrong?”
“Did you just la la la la la feel that tailwind?”

Naturally, this was a biblical buzz kill of epic proportions and King David realized that in order to carry the ark from Hawaii safely, they would have to stop every six steps and make a sacrifice to the lord which slowed down their progress considerably.

“One two three four five six and sacrifice one two three four five six and sacrifice one two . . .”

Some months later, when the Ark was finally back in Jerusalem, and King David had his feet up on his new coffee table Ark, he couldn’t help thinking about what a great guy Mr. Abinadab and his two one son had been. Not only that, but his Ark of the Covenant Fudge was heavenly.

 

“Careful, watch the fudge!”

And there you have it, Dear Readers, this week’s edition of The Bible According to Gregory.  Please come by next week at this time to see what Gregory learns in Sunday school! 

Until next time . . . I love you

Gregory’s Summer Bible School: Gideon Gets Peeved

Welcome Dear Readers to Gregory’s Summer Bible School.  This summer Gregory will be learning all about Gideon.

Let’s listen in and see what Gregory has learned about Gideon so far:

One day, shortly after the Israelites got back from the excitement of  battling Canaanites and cutting off the big toes and thumbs of  seventy kings, they were experiencing a lull so, not knowing what else to do with themselves,  they decided to do what they always did when they were bored — sin against the Lord.

So naturally the Lord had no choice but to have the mean, nasty, overweight Midianites rule over the Israelites for seven years (This was way before the Lord thought of timeouts).

The Midianites were bigger and stronger than the Israelites, who were more on the bookish side and who – aside from their large collection of big toes and thumbs, were not really all that aggressive.

So the Israelites spent a lot of time hiding from the Midianites in caves by day and tip toeing around by night planting their crops and tending to their cattle so as not to wake up the Midianites who were light sleepers.

But invariably some poor Israelite would sneeze too loudly and the Midianites would wake up, and come down from the hills on their camels.

The bible says there were so many Midianites that they and their camels couldn’t be counted, but most scholars believe this is simply because they wouldn’t hold still long enough.

Anyway, the Midianites would wreak havoc on the Israelites by trampling their crops, tipping their cows, messing up their hairdos and giving them all robe wedgies.

The Israelites cried out to the Lord, and the Lord,  who was wondering when they were going to cry out, sent them a prophet who came to them with a  message from the Lord.

The first part of the Lord’s message recapped what the Lord’s big accomplishments had been thus far which, of course, included bringing the Israelites out of Egypt, and freeing them from slavery. But the Lord never mentioned the parting of the Red Sea as He wasn’t that big on bragging, but was always secretly hoping someone else would bring that part up.

Then the Messenger of the Lord and Gideon had a conversation that might have sounded something like this but probably didn’t:

Messenger of the Lord:  Say, Gideon, would you mind if I sat down under this tree in Ophrah that belonged to your dad, Joash, from Abiezer’s family?

Gideon:  Sure, but how did you know all that?

MOTL:  I read the tree plaque. What are you doing?

Gideon:  I’m threshing wheat in this wine-press so as to confuse the Midianites.

MOTL:  To confuse them how?

Gideon:  Well, this way The Midianites will think I’m making wine when I’m really making flour.

MOTL:  Won’t they just think you are making wine and want to steal that instead?

Gideon:  What are you?  An attorney?

MOTL:  The Lord is with you, brave man.

Gideon:  Well, no offense but I’m a little peeved.

MOTL:  Peeved?  Peeved howeth?

Gideon:  All these horrible things are happening to us.  The stealing of the crops, the cow tipping, the robe wedgies, having to make flour in a wine-press.  What happened to all the Lord’s miracles everybody is always telling me about?

MOTL:  How would you feel if I told you that you will be rescuing Israel with the strength you have?

Gideon:  Yeah right.  Have you seen my muscles lately?  I can’t even tell you how sore I’m going to be tomorrow when I get done wine-pressing all this wheat.  And you think I’m weak, you should see the rest of my family, we once got beat up by a batch of kittens.

MOTL:  Doesn’t matter. You will defeat the Midianites as if they were only one man.

Gideon:  Okay if you say so.  Listen, I’m going to go fix you a snack.  Can you wait here till I get back?

MOTL:  Who moi?  Absotively!

Thank you, Dear Readers, for coming by Summer Bible School with Gregory!  Please check back next week for more of our lesson.

Until next time . . . I love you

I guess I’ll go fix you a snack.”    “Hot Diggity Doggeth!”